The Ministry of Truth! assures you there is NO cause for alarm!
Even though some (and we know who you are!) would view today’s report that Gross domestic product increased at a 0.5 percent annual rate as a “bad” thing, our Comrades at Reuters note that:
“…a pick-up in activity is anticipated given a buoyant labor market.”
BUOYANT! Take that, GDP!
They also noted that “businesses doubled down on efforts to reduce unwanted merchandise clogging up warehouses.” We’re not sure why their merchandise was “unwanted”…but we do know that when stuff clogs up warehouses it makes it hard to move around safely. (OSHA has been notified!)
Bloomberg, not wanting to be left out of the
cheerleading unbiased reporting, notes that:
“If the past two years are any guide, the economy will shake off the first-quarter softness.”
Kind of like the Captain of the Titanic saying: “If the last 500 miles of sailing are any guide, we’ll have smooth sailing all the way to New York!” Or something.
Sadly, if the last two years are a guide, we will remain at war with
EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia, whom we have always been at war with.
This week’s Public Service Announcement
Lord Obama is displeased that there has been sniggering over the German foreign minister’s criticism today of Donald Trump’s ‘America first‘ foreign policy.
While it’s true that the German National Anthem begins: “Deutschland, Deutschland über alles” (“Germany, Germany above all else“), that does NOT mean what you think it means. It means, um, “Germany is on top of the ground underneath Germany” (it just doesn’t translate well).
So please stop referring to the German foreign minister as “Hypocritical”, “Swinehund” and “Dickwad”. Such terms do NOT advance the cause of good foreign relations!