Pithy Poetry, Honed Haikus & Laconic Limericks
2009 May 15
Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! You may have noticed that the title has changed a bit….but the theme has not. Bring it on….do your best, or worst! Have fun! One of these days we will get down to passing out awards, we promise! Until then, the award lies deep in your heart where your happy feelings are located.
As always…and feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (oh…and please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does 
[1]
Laconic is a word that I deem
means concise in the extreme
So it rarely applies
to Democrat lies
Which meander until I must scream
[2]
Sometimes when I’m sitting and blogging
(but never when the crapper I’m clogging)
I am glad for free speech
And would not see it breached
and the constitution sent by the left jogging
[3]
ok that one was not so good.
[4]
Changed the thread name with alliteration
What a concept, a new sensation,
JustMary leads the charge tonight,
I might as well give up the fight.
[5]
And now I shall my lawn mow.
Since my honey is reluctant to go
She refuses to ride
Cuz I can’t abide
Her habit of setting blades low.
[6]
DIVIDE AND CONQUER SO SAYS SUN TSU,
DIVERSITY IS GOOD FOR YOU SO SAYS THE GARU,
UNITED WE WILL STAND, DIVIDED WE WILL FALL,
THE BRAIN DEAD DON’T CARE, THEY’RE BUSY AT THE MALL,
THE GREAT UNWASHED LAP UP THIS EVIL BREW.
[7]
NASTY PIGLOSI, SURELY YOU JEST,
YOUR DENIAL OF WATER BOARDING SHOULD BE PUT TO REST,
GET OFF YOUR BROOM AND ADMIT YOU CONSPIRED,
IN THIS VILE CANARD YOU ARE DEEPLY MIRED,
ONE MORE FACE LIFT AND YOU’LL BE SHAVING YOUR CHEST.
[8]
BARACK MUGABE WILL MAKE HEALTH CARE FREE,
THE GREAT UNWASHED BELIEVE THIS INSANITY,
WHEN HE IS FINISHED WITH THIS BOONDOGGLE,
WHAT IS LEFT OF YOUR MIND WILL BE ABOGGLE,
NOR WILL WE HAVE POT WITHIN WHICH TO PEE.
[9]
That Nancy sure is a dragon
I would not do her if I drank a flagon
of grog so potent
That IP would relent
All the more reason to stay on the wagon.
[10]
THERE ONCE WAS A SENATOR NAMED SCHUMER,
HE HAD ALL THE CHARM OF A TESTICULAR TUMOR,
THE BRAIN DEAD PEOPLE OF NEW YORK,
ARE NOW SADDLED WITH THIS DORK,
I HOPE THEY ENJOY HIS GOOD HUMOR.
[11]
Piglosi is not one of us
And I wish there were some way to dump her
If she throws CIA under the bus
I hope they tie her to the bumper
[12]
ONCE UPON MY COMPUTER DREARY,WHILE I PONDERED WEAK AND WEARY,
OVER MANY A QUAINT AND CURIOUS POST OF YORE,
WHILE I NODDED NEARLY NAPPING, SUDDENLY THERE CAME A CHEERING,
AS OF SOMEONE ACTIVELY CHEERING, CHEERING ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN,
‘TIS THE BJG BLOGERS’ I MUTTERED,CHEERING AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN.
WONDERED I , WHY THE CHEERING, ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN?
WHY IT’S THE SILENCE OF CHEKOTE, HOPEFULLY THE SCREECHING TO BE HEARD NEVERMORE.
maybe not
[13]
THERE ONCE WAS A FOREIGN POTENTATE,
HE BECAME GOVERNOR OF KALIFORNICATE,
PUMPING IRON WAS HIS ROAD TO FAME,
“I’LL” BE BACK WAS HIS CLAIM,
LET US HOPE HE DOESN’T PROCREATE.
[14]
[my first effort...w/o alcohol! ]
The changes have happened so wonderfully fast,
Freer we are ‘neath Barry’s gentle shoe,
Free from all those burdens of the past,
Like wondering what to think and do!
No need to think now, or have a conscience to heed,
Barak and Michelle will handle all of that for us!
The Left is in charge and singing the lead,
And the media make such a wonderful chorus!
[15]
Good one jarhead
[16]
IP better come out swingin’
In response to some serious, Rightwingin’
[17]
THERE ONCE WAS POLITICIAN NAMED CRIST,
HE OF THE DECIDEDLY LIMP WRIST,
ASPIRING TO HIGHER OFFICE WAS HE,
PRANCING FORTH INTO THE ARENA WITH GLEE,
HOPING WITH BARNEY FWANK TO MAKE A TRYST.
[18]
booshkindoggin permalink
IP better come out swingin’
In response to some serious, Rightwingin’
You got that right.
[19]
Poverty sucks! says the left.
We must of our cash be bereft
But what good does it do,
If I’m poor as you?
Your wallet can’t pay bills without heft.
[20]
BARACK MUGABE O’VOMIT,
ARRIVED HERE LIKE A COMET,
SLINGING MUCH CRAP AT THE WALL,
WE ARE IN FOR ONE HELL OF A FALL,
THE CONSTITUTION HE WILL S~~T UPON IT.
[21]
STRENGTH THROUGH DIVERSITY THE DEMAGOGUES SHOUT,
POLITIA;L CORRECTNESS RUN AMOK NO DOUBT,
CHALLENGE NOT THIS OBVIOUS FRAUD,
LET YE BE LABELED A HERETIC ABROAD,
DIVERSITY OF OPINION IS NOT THEIR REDOUBT.
[22]
Our heavyweight bards unleash their broadsides,
Leaving we lessers by the roadside,
But JustMary, should the rules not state -
Quantity does not quality make.
[23]
There once was a Communist witch
Called Pelosi her stories did switch
When the press won’t buy it
There was nearly a riot
You’re going to jail now you bitch
[24]
JustRand shoots (without the booze),
And SCORES, while on his cudd he chews,
Sorry about that last line’s rhyme,
The hazard of poems in realtime.
[25]
They’re coming to take us away HA HA
[26]
Pelosi, Pelosi she did lie
Fraud and deception she did try
The CIA
Said bitch no way
Now her political career will die
[27]
Haven’t paid my mortgage since January
Nor have I filled up my gas tank, thanks to Barry
Now my butt is on the street
Transportation? My feet
It’s all Bush’s fault, he was scary
[28]
You guys forgot the benediction
Please bow your heads:
Our Obama
Who art in Washington
Hallowed be thy name
Thy corruption come
Thy fraud be done
In Washington as it is in Illinois
Give us this day our welfare check
And forgive us our Christianity
As we forgive those who have decency or ethics
And lead us not into integrity
But deliver us from honesty amen
[29]
WANDA SYKES THE QUEEN OF THE DYKES,
WAS A PHALLUS-A-PHOBE WITH MANY DISLIKES,
WITH A FACE LIKE BILL COSBY’S BUTT,
THIS PHILOGYNIST SLUT,
FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE WHITE HOUSE REICHS.
[30]
Pelosi, Pelosi watch her quiver
Telling these lies makes her shiver
But Panetta did say
CIA lied? No way!
Pelosi, your ass is now chopped liver
[31]
Nancy, Nancy hear her say
Ridiculous lies in her own special way
No one in town
Believes this clown
Nancy, Nancy you’d better pray!
[32]
Amen to the timely benediction,
Wise words can heal a rude afflication,
Not to short, yet not too long,
How can a Reverend Wright, be wrong.
[33]
They’re too tough to fight, we’ll just buy them instead,
So China paid cash and thought themselves shrewd!
Now they’d like to return us, since our T-Notes are dead,
But the warranty’s expired, meaning Beijing is screwed!
(we tricked ‘em all right!)
[34]
you guys (and gals) are ROCKIN’….gotta up my game!
[35]
I hope Blakney, et al, show up and bring their poetry up from the other threads!
OK, back to the rhyming mines….
[36]
No, no, I didn’t know!
No, no, he didn’t say!!
Don’t question me now
Or call me a cow
This is my story today
[37]
TRYING TO PRONOUNCE BOOSHKINDOGGIN,
PUTS GOOSE BUMPS ON MY NOGGIN,
THIS MYSTERIOUS SOBREQUET,
IS MEANT TO LEAD US ASTRAY,
THE BOOZE I THINK HE’S BEEN HOGGIN.
[38]
Nancy was in such a rut
No one believed her but
She tried to blame Bush
While flat on her tuch
Pelosi you ignorant slut
[39]
Into the sunset our economy doth sink
The prosperity of ages, gone in a blink!
But Geitner says there’s no need to fret,
It’s all “OK”, we’ll just buy our own debt
Then we’ve money to burn…all we need is the ink!
(if you think my “poetry” is bad…my limericks are worse!)
[40]
Pelosi yes we all want
You on this issue to punt
Everyone said
Your career is now dead
Nancy, you’re just such a…
Hey guys, is there an NBA game on tonight…???
[41]
ok…the sun has crested the yardarm, let the games begin!
[42]
(if you think my “poetry” is bad…my limericks are worse!)
Sounds good to me. Perhaps the scarlet pumpernickle will show up.
[43]
actually, “crested” would mean it was going the OTHER way *sigh*
I may be slow, but my work is poor!
[44]
Special one-ups-man points to IP for rhyming with BOOSHKINDOGGIN
[45]
Reminds me of a football team I once heard about Justrand: they were a little old, but they made up for it by being slow
[46]
I really do have the best Dad
Though his poems may be kind of lame
I kid, his rhymes aren’t that bad
Cause I think lack of wine is to blame
[47]
Orlando Magic can they do it?
Win in Boston, or will they screw it?
This wondrous dream,
Of a champions team
Would make right wing yahoo it!
[48]
For Booshkindoggin I will not rhyme
To outshine IP is a waste of time
…so now I sit in my pajamas
…thinking of rhymes for “Llamas”
Hoping Mullet will rise from the slime
[49]
Pardon me, dearest daughter of mine
For that rhyme or two I just might botch
Since tonight my libation tis not wine,
But that gentlest of spirits…some Single Malt scotch!
[50]
damn…the llama gauntlet is thrown…AGAIN!
[51]
Nancy Pelosi
Prison for you now this time
Bushitler laughing
[52]
“Would make right wing yahoo it!”
Oooh.. Changing “yahoo” from a noun into a verb deserves some kind of an award or something…
[53]
The Lions and the Saints
The Hapless and the Aints
MFG and
BC3
Watching them we faints
[54]
There’s known a nefarious speaker
With brains barely fill a beaker
Everybody says she lied
About those who spied
S’ok as long as she’s no streaker
[55]
my best Llama shot!! (lame though it may be!)
Too big for our britches, we needed some grounding!
To help us repent we elected Obama
And he brought that gift we’ve sought since our founding.
A President’s name that rhymes with Llama
[56]
Damn Lakers
No poem here
Just Damn Lakers
[57]
Always in a wretched hole
Never won a Super Bowl
Since nineteen hundred sixty seven
The Saints have not found football heaven
Perhaps MFG should learn to bowl?
[58]
THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE DOES LIE,
ON HER FEET SHE IS VERY SPRY,
A THREE BAGGER IS DEFINATELY SHE,
I WOULDN’T SICK HER ON THEE,
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE BONERS GO TO DIE.
[59]
conservativetony loses two points for raising the image of Piglosi streaking! my eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes!
[60]
IP…you ALMOST caused a Scotch splurt!! Damn the keyboard man…it’s the SCOTCH I care about!
[61]
There was a time when Nanzi could boast
And slamming Bush was her favorite roast
…but now she been caught lying
…in her news-brief she was dying
With fearful eyes like she’d seen a ghost
[62]
Piglosi happens
Smell is bad, the sound is worse
Skin stretched, Lips don’t move
[63]
Tony, that last one was almost a Haiku.
Terrible Lakers!
I am not watching the game
But Damn those Lakers!!
see how easy??
[64]
Skin stretched, Lips don’t move
LOL!!!
[65]
Golden State declines,
Democrats push the levers,
Arnold without balls
[66]
Lakers lose big game
Must be lack of salary
Tony is upset
[67]
I wonder where chek is tonight
The board is lacking it’s drama
Thinking of her helped me to write
Another word that rhymes with llama
(see! she’s good for something!)
[68]
An inside joke to make Phineas smile
Even though he hasn’t posted in a while
…“The Godfather” helps us reason
…to wipe-out tyrants and treason
Like “Sonny at the toll-booth” style!!
[69]
Kudos to Daddy and Daughter on both rhyming with Llama
Score!!!!
[70]
Write something that rhymes with “orange”, anyone
[71]
The dems on our freedoms are peein’
On that we can all be agreein’
Soon our cash they will grab
And this socialist lab
Will resemble a place North Korean
[72]
you have to mangle a word to get it. combine two words,
[73]
Orange
rhymes with abhorrin’(g)
[74]
rwy…excellent!
now I’m off to try and rhyme “Orange” *sigh*
[75]
Ogabe is an ignorant leech
the sheeple attend to his screech
but the louder his horn
the deeper the scorn
we reply with what’s left of free speech
[76]
IP you didnt just stroke out did you?
[77]
justrand permalink
uh, IP…what the heck was THAT???
My first and last attempt at haiku.
[78]
Around my office I am puttering
Cleaning up while rhyming and muttering
…I’ve fixed a squeaky Door-hinge
…And found a rhyme with Orange
I’ll bet that left MFG stuttering
Nannee-Nannee-boo-boo!!!!
[79]
Mullet spotted these while guesting at a beach house and was not amused.
**********
“Oh, de shrimp, he taste so good.
I eat’um all day if I could.
Catch ‘um fresh right out de crick.
Pinch of dey head an’ cook ‘um quick.”
“Oh, de crab, he taste so fine.
Yuh catch ‘um wid a neck an’ a line.
Bile de water ’til ‘e good ‘n hot.
Den eat de crab strait from ‘de pot.”
[80]
justrand permalink
rwy…excellent!
now I’m off to try and rhyme “Orange” *sigh*
Don’t let MFG con you, that is the only word in the dictionary that has no rhyme.
[81]
Methinks the thread is not thriving
let’s hope none of us are drunk driving
but the Fridays go by
and the pressure is high
to be funny and highly conniving.
[82]
Easy IP
5
7
5
5 syllables first line
7 the second
5 the last
[83]
Orange
yeah, that’s a toughie. Have to be inventive and a little casual in your construction
[84]
the ladies are not into rhyme
Only Mary will spend any time
exploring the verse
I guess the girls remain terse
Since my second attempt was a crime.
[85]
rwy…we’re gonna have to make this a monthly event…the pressure is just too much on us rhyme-challenged!
Though I think being “rhyme-challenged” makes me part of a “protected minority”…so ANY picking on my poetry is HATE SPEECH!! (hey, this “new world order” has its perks!!
)
[86]
Harry Reid better tone-down his stride
For lesser actions, some men have died
…Yuka Mountain, he has closed
…Nuclear trade is quite opposed
He might wake with a horse-head at his side
[87]
Don’t let MFG con you, that is the only word in the dictionary that has no rhyme.
Apparently you missed my stellar rhyme for ORANGE a few post ago.
Now someone rhyme with Purple!!
[88]
Well Reid is a huge ignoramus
With his anti-war whnning he’ll shame us
while our troops struggle and fight
and some go to the light
ol harry will beg the world to blame us.
[89]
MULLET ARRIVES NOT QUITE ON TIME,
BUT HIS POETRY IS STILL SUBLIME,
HAPPY TO JOIN THE REPARTEE,
HE WAS PROBABLY ON A FEEDING SPREE,
I BET HE WOULD TASTE GOOD SAUTEED IN THYME,
[90]
Execllent Mullet…
Either great Rastafarian lingo, or you are in “Coon-ass county”, Louisiana
[91]
ok, sorry to go O/T (though on poetry night ALL topics are fair game!)
the A/P (bless their hearts) has THIS “wonderful” line in their latest attempt to absolve Queen Piglosi of all guilt:
“It may never be resolved exactly when she first learned that waterboarding had been used against terror suspects”
REALLY?
I expect the CIA to “assist” in resolving this age-old puzzle!
I actually respect the A/P for staying bought after the Dems bought ‘em! No one likes a hooker that doesn’t deliver! (I actually would NOT know…but I’ve been told!)
[92]
oh shit…Piglosi’s office just issued THIS:
“We all share great respect for the dedicated men and women of the intelligence community who are deeply committed to the safety and security of the American people, my criticism of the manner in which the Bush Administration did not appropriately inform Congress is separate from my respect for those in the intelligence community who work to keep our country safe.”
Scott Ott at Scrapleface just had to CAN his next post…Piglosi beat him to it!
Honest folks, comedy is DEAD as long as Piglosi keeps this up!
[93]
Thank God for JustMary or we girls would not have any representation on this thread. Why are men better at poetry? Probably because is one way to sex.
Good stuff everybody!
[94]
WAXMAN~~~~
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4Ot6fOWZlY&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00]
[95]
Did the poetry suddenly die?
No biggie, cause it’s time to fly
…The Haiku was a big snooze
…Since the Lakers played to lose
But rhymes for “Orange”, we did try
G’night all…….[96]
I hereby declare Poetry Night to be a monthly event…on the first Friday of each month! Next “Poetry Night” is thusforth decreed to be June 5! So let it be written…so let it be done!
(I LOVE this power!!!)
p.s. the FEMALES of BJG need to be bring it!!! Consider the gauntlet thrown!!
[97]
from San Fran was a female swine
to muslims her position supine
Piglosi we called her
off to jail they hauled her
sell her jet and thousands could dine
[98]
p.s. the FEMALES of BJG need to be bring it!!! Consider the gauntlet thrown!!
jarhead
It’s a left brain, right brain thingy.
[99]
rwy…the BEST for last!! awesome, and spot on!
[100]
well this rhyming effort was lacking
We dont want our sharp image cracking
so the guys must keep working
while the ladies are lurking
and appearing when we need a smacking!
[101]
Another sublime time
of rhyme so fine
line after line
and in perfect time.
Who is the best
and will win the crest
IP, yahoo, MFG, Justrand or Neo Kahn
No winner again, all are too fine.
[102]
Well now it is time for a movie
Star Trek is on tap and it’s groovy
So with kiddies in bed
and with poems left unsaid
I go to download from Peru-vy.
[103]
Tonight’s posts were no drop in the bucket
And thank God nothing rhymed with Nantucket
Thank you all for your rhymes
We had such a good time
Re-education awaits us all yet!
(I think the above will be my permanent poetry ender- oh and yeah, I think this may have to be a monthly thing…..our brains need more than a week’s rest!)
[104]
THE NEXT TIME I DINE
IT WILL BE WITH WHITE WINE,
THE SPECIAL OF THE DAY,
WILL BE MULLET FILET,
PULLED RECENTLY FROM THE BRINE.
[105]
There once was Farfel from Spain
In Buenos Aries he withstood the pain
when the currency crashed
and civilization was smashed
He stayed strong and out of the drain
[106]
When you dine
to make it so fine.
Smoked mullet or grilled
goes best with beer and a lime.
[107]
Oak Leaf thinks the US is fine
Thinks the economy will come back on line
So he posts prices of stocks
while the jobs hit the rocks
And from Oak there’s no sign of a spine.
[108]
I wish I had a closing rhyme to match those from you folks…but then you’re probably thankful I DON’T!!
[109]
ol Rand was a wanne be poet
but without a stiff drink he would blow it
so we laughed and we sniggered
cuz his verbage was jiggered
but his good natured mood would not show it.
[110]
THERE ONCE WAS A SITE CALLED POLI,
IT WAS A PLACE QUITE JOLLY,
BUT THE SHARK HAS BEEN JUMPED,
THE DOG HAS BEEN HUMPED,
IT IS NOW A POSTERS FOLLY
[111]
I like that one, heh.
[112]
thx, RWY…I do know my limitations!
[113]
Just read through all these–some excellent contributions!
rwy–you constantly disparage yourself, but you are much better than you give yourself credit for. Using interesting words like ‘flagon’ etc, and a good sense of humor as well.
My one question–why does (almost) everyone have to write in limerick format? MFG contributes haikus and few others do as well (even IP-gasp!), but many other forms remain to be explored, and they don’t all have to rhyme.
I’m not saying we need to compose Shakespearean sonnets, but some good old iambic pentameter might not be bad. I always thought Robert Frost was wonderfully inventive in his rhythm and meter (although to me Poe remains the preeminent American poet).
I am anxiously awaiting the first composition by chekote.
[114]
Favorite poets:
W.H.Auden Emily Dickinson
Kingsley Amis Roald Dahl
William Blake
e.e. cummings
Lewis Carroll
Stephen Crane
[115]
Favorite poets:
W.H.Auden Emily Dickinson
Kingsley Amis Roald Dahl
William Blake
e.e. cummings
Lewis Carroll
Stephen Crane
[116]
Oops, accidentally posted too soon…. Try again:
Favorite poets:
W.H.Auden Emily Dickinson
Kingsley Amis Roald Dahl
William Blake
e.e. cummings
Lewis Carroll
Stephen Crane
Emily Dickinson
Roald Dahl
T.S. Eliot
Robert Frost
Bret Harte
John Keats
Rudyard Kipling
Omar Khayyam
Joyce Kilmer
C.S. Lewis
H.W. Longfellow
A.A. Milne
Herman Melville
Anais Nin
Edgar Allan Poe
William Shakespeare
Robert Louis Stevenson
Jonathan Swift
Mark Twain
Dylan Thomas
William Carlos Williams
Oscar Wilde
William Butler Yeats
And definitely NOT Allen Ginsburg!!!!
[117]
Limerick format implies humor and sarcasm, since many children’s poems, and a good deal of the locker room ones, too use this format.
I believe humor and sarcasm to be the most effective debating and argument tactics. People are more likely to remember what you say.
[118]
I have always liked Frost, Eliot, Poe, Yeats, Longfellow..
[119]
and the haikus are absolutely hilarious, because they are supposed to bring peace and serenity, with tranquil images of nature, but we substitute the chaos and hubris of socialist central planners to mock the original intention of the form.
I thought chris Weir’s “day by day” spoof of Gore with “Ozymandias” was BRILLIANT.