Pithy Poetry, Honed Haikus & Laconic Limericks

2009 June 5
by JustMary

microphone1

Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! Tonight’s theme is “Suggestions for the president”, although if you don’t stick to the theme,  no imaginary points will be deducted from your imaginary score. Bring it on….do your best, or worst! Have fun! One of these days we will get down to passing out awards, we promise! Until then, the award lies deep in your heart where your happy feelings are located.

As always…feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (oh…and please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does). 🙂

67 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 5 4:01 pm
    [1]
    MFG permalink

    Everyone bow your head and face Mecca for the benediction:

    Our Obama
    Who art in Washington
    Hallowed be thy name
    Thy corruption come
    Thy fraud be done
    In Washington as it is in Illinois
    Give us this day our welfare check
    And forgive us our Christianity
    As we forgive those who have decency or ethics
    And lead us not into integrity
    But deliver us from honesty amen

  2. 2009 June 5 4:03 pm
    [2]
    MFG permalink

    Barack please resign
    Oh God no that means Biden
    Weep for your country

  3. 2009 June 5 4:08 pm
    [3]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Excellent, MFG!

    I’ve chosen La Jueza Empática
    Because she and I are sympática.
    She’ll cement the Latinos,
    Abort scorned bambinos—
    My very first SCOTUS dogmática!

  4. 2009 June 5 4:13 pm
    [4]
    MFG permalink

    The economy’s fine says the Prez
    “We agree!” is what everyone says
    But because of this con
    All our money be gone
    And we sittin here eating our Pez

  5. 2009 June 5 4:17 pm
    [5]
    JustMary permalink

    Chocolate rations really aren’t that bad
    And there’s victory gin to be had
    Though it would have been great
    Had McCain won in 08
    I’ll just tell myself not to be sad

  6. 2009 June 5 4:18 pm
    [6]
    MFG permalink

    In Washington Prez he done showed up
    My goodness, that young boy done growed up!
    We be bursting with pride
    Standing here at his side
    Too bad our whole country all blowed up

  7. 2009 June 5 4:18 pm
    [7]
    justrand permalink

    Obama has truly no class
    But the media gives him a pass!
    My suggestion for the Prez,
    For he wants them…he says,
    Is pull your head out of your ass!

  8. 2009 June 5 4:19 pm
    [8]
    MFG permalink

    JR hits a 3!

  9. 2009 June 5 4:23 pm
    [9]
    MFG permalink

    Tax cheats and liars and fraud!
    My goodness, good golly, oh Lawd!
    Barack be our Prez
    We’s all eating pez!
    We’s blowed up and screwed up, good God!

  10. 2009 June 5 4:23 pm
    [10]
    Colorado KnightOwl permalink

    There once was a Veep named Biden
    All day long he runs his mouth instead of hiden
    He hops from topic to topic with his foot in his mouth
    All the while he should be headin south
    Past the border he must go
    Where he and his pal Hugo the world can show
    Who in the world is dumber
    That he is our veep is a major bummer!

  11. 2009 June 5 4:26 pm
    [11]
    MFG permalink

    Thousands of jobs have been lost
    The horrible horrible cost
    Now with taxes galore
    And regulation much more
    In the rathole the country is tossed

  12. 2009 June 5 4:28 pm
    [12]
    justrand permalink

    This is from IP727 👿

    HERE LIES GEORGE TILLER,
    EPITOME OF THE SILENT KILLER,
    A HERO TO THE BRAIN DEAD MASSES,
    WHO ARE KNOWN TO BE HORSE’S ASSES,
    CHURN HIM UNDER WITH A ROTO TILLER.

  13. 2009 June 5 4:32 pm
    [13]
    justrand permalink

    There once was a Prez named Barry
    Whose vision for America was scary
    The media went with the flow
    And with Congress in tow,
    Made the future look all the more hairy

  14. 2009 June 5 4:33 pm
    [14]
    Brandon permalink

    Hey, Obama you need to wake up,
    nobody cares about your stupid pup.
    Over in Egypt is where you should stay,
    raise their taxes instead,
    because we can’t afford to pay.

  15. 2009 June 5 4:34 pm
    [15]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Song parody — Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught”

    For politicians:

    You’ve Got To Be Carefully Bought

    You’ve got to be bought to lie and squirm;
    You’ve got to be bought term to term;
    You need to learn that you never stand firm.
    You’ve got to be carefully bought.

    You’ve got to make dough–that’s the plan;
    You know it’s the reason you ran.
    Take it in cash, Mr. Government Man;.
    You’ve got to be carefully bought.

    And when you’re found out, you must claim
    That it’s just a political frame.
    Stand up real tall and show no one your shame
    If you want to stay carefully bought.

  16. 2009 June 5 4:38 pm
    [16]
    Brandon permalink

    Our prez is named Obama,
    it sounds an awful lot like Osama.
    Their goals are the same,
    they both are really lame,
    while they both ride around on a llama.

  17. 2009 June 5 4:39 pm
    [17]
    Colorado KnightOwl permalink

    Our Prez’s middle name is Hussein
    He says this a large muslim country which is clearly insane
    Our prez is becoming a horse’s arse
    With all the words he does utter and parse
    He goes on dates with our money
    So he can stay close to Michele his honey
    Our debt goes up and up thanks to this buffoon
    Thanks to all who voted for this loon

  18. 2009 June 5 4:39 pm
    [18]
    justrand permalink

    Excellent song parody, sindalin44!!

  19. 2009 June 5 4:40 pm
    [19]
    justrand permalink

    The Dems and Obama constantly whine
    That but for Republicans all would be fine
    But they’ve got it reversed
    It’s WE who are cursed,
    Because Barry just won’t RESIGN!

  20. 2009 June 5 4:40 pm
    [20]
    MFG permalink

    George Tiller
    Dreadful killer
    Now you’ll see your Maker
    George Tiller
    Awful killer
    You should have been a Quaker

  21. 2009 June 5 4:41 pm
    [21]
    Brandon permalink

    Obama’s numbers are going down,
    that surely will make Obamabots frown.
    They think he is God,
    I think he’s more like cod,
    the America we know is going to drown.

  22. 2009 June 5 4:50 pm
    [22]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Thank you, justrand.
    And your limericks rock!

    White firemen aggrieved;
    Sonia laughing in the sun.
    Brace her at your peril.

  23. 2009 June 5 4:50 pm
    [23]
    justrand permalink

    Brandon shoots…he SCORES!!

  24. 2009 June 5 4:52 pm
    [24]
    ip727 permalink

    👿

    WITH A FACE LIKE BELA LUGOSI
    THIS ERZATZ HISPANIC MAFIOSI,
    WILL FROM THE HIGH COURT PONTIFICATE,
    ON THE CONSTITUTION SHE WILL DEFECATE,
    COULD WE HAVE PICKED ANYONE MORE GROSSI.

  25. 2009 June 5 4:54 pm
    [25]
    Colorado KnightOwl permalink

    The world has gone crazy
    Morals and values are perfectly hazy
    In the state run media Tiller is a hero
    And religion and rights are worth zero
    Now with the anointed one as prez
    Most cant’ wait to do what he says
    Our Lord in Heaven must be weeping
    as our country down a drain is seeping

  26. 2009 June 5 4:56 pm
    [26]
    justrand permalink

    excellent, Colorado KnightOwl

  27. 2009 June 5 4:56 pm
    [27]
    JustMary permalink

    Barry, I know you asked for suggestions
    But I really just want to ask questions
    Where is your country of birth?
    For that matter are you from planet earth?
    Why is my gas tank still low?
    You promised to fill it, you know
    And my mortgage still needs to get paid
    My patience is starting to fade
    Good grief I wish you’d resign
    Or at least lower taxes on wine
    That way I’d be too drunk to tell
    That this country is going to hell

  28. 2009 June 5 5:00 pm
    [28]
    justrand permalink

    SNAP!!! Justmary…SNAP!!

  29. 2009 June 5 5:00 pm
    [29]
    justrand permalink

    Barry’s suggestion site is where we can reach him,
    And there so much that we’re dying to teach him!
    But in the interest of time,
    If he’ll just up and resign,
    It’ll save us having to impeach him!!

  30. 2009 June 5 5:02 pm
    [30]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Song parody – “Try to Remember”

    To dispirited Republicans:

    Try to remember that night in November
    When Dubya won and we were mellow.
    Try to remember that night in November
    When libs were crazed and shook like jello.
    Try to remember that night in November
    When Bush had us, the lucky fellow.
    Try to remember, and if you remember,
    Then
    (Well, then puke at the thought of where the
    GOP is now: leaderless, rudderless, powerless, hopeless, clueless. Forgive the interruption. We now return you to your song parody)
    Follow, follow, follow.

  31. 2009 June 5 5:06 pm
    [31]
    justrand permalink

    sindalin44…kinda needed a wine snort alert on that one! 🙂 I held it together (thus saving the keyboard) though just barely!

  32. 2009 June 5 5:17 pm
    [32]
    JustMary permalink

    Dear Barry you aren’t worth your salt
    All you tell me is “It’s Bush’s fault”
    But this crisis you didn’t inherit
    This stimulus bill is without merit
    To you I say Who is John Galt?

  33. 2009 June 5 5:26 pm
    [33]
    justrand permalink

    rhyming John Galt! outsanding!

  34. 2009 June 5 5:29 pm
    [34]
    justrand permalink

    a little bit of Barry McGuire – Eve Of Destruction (and sadly the lyrics needed all too little updatin’)

    The free market system, it is explodin’
    Biden’s swearin’’, pundits goadin’
    You’re dead enough to stink, but not for votin’
    You don’t believe in crime, but what’s that stereo you’re totin’
    And even the Constitution, it is erodin’

    But you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don’t believe
    We’re on the eve
    of destruction.

    Yeah, right from the bench they’re legislatin’
    While America’s future it is stagnatin’
    Yet somehow our history it needs some updatin’
    And deck chairs on our Titanic, they need re-arrangin’
    While Tea-Parties alone can’t bring any changin’
    As the fabric of our nation is disintegratin’
    This whole Fourth Reich is just too frustratin’

    And you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don’t believe
    We’re on the eve
    of destruction.

  35. 2009 June 5 5:36 pm
    [35]
    ip727 permalink

    👿

    THERE ONCE WAS A LITTLE CHICA NAMED SOTOMAYOR,
    UPON THE HIGH COURT SHE WILL BE A PLAYER,
    UPON THE CONSTITUTION SHE WILL SQUAT,
    HER FORTE WILL BE JUDICIAL FIAT,
    KEEP ON HAND PLENTY OF BAYER.

  36. 2009 June 5 5:37 pm
    [36]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Good stuff, justrand (especially the last one), and JustMary and Colorado Knight Owl . . . .

    Song parody – “I’m Sorry”

    Sooner or later, somebody’s going to dig up irrefutable proof, and Kerry’s going to have to admit fibbing about those facial injections. When he finds himself in that position, I have a suggestion for him to lessen the damage: call a news conference and crib from that great sixties songbird, Brenda Lee.

    I’m Kerry, so sKerry,
    Please accept my botoxicology;
    My fissures, deep-lined,
    Left scores on my mind;
    A face like a hind–
    God, please strike me blind.

    [Spoken]

    I know you think
    I should have kept the face I had,
    But that was the face
    That was driving me mad.

  37. 2009 June 5 5:39 pm
    [37]
    JustMary permalink

    Black helicopters
    Gonna land in my yard now
    Made fun of Barry

  38. 2009 June 5 5:44 pm
    [38]
    justrand permalink

    poetic justice…just not “poetry:
    Senator Lamar Alexander introduced the “Auto Stock for Every Taxpayer Act” today, which would “require the Treasury to distribute to individual taxpayers all its stock in General Motors (GM) and Chrysler within one year following the emergence of the companies from bankruptcy proceedings.”

    Lamar Alexander is generally a fairly quiet Republican…but this is a VERY sweet bit of poetic justice! Look for the Dems to point out how outrageous this is! ME? I like it!! 🙂

  39. 2009 June 5 5:45 pm
    [39]
    JustMary permalink

    Kool aid has worn off
    Constituents waking up
    They’re going to be mad

  40. 2009 June 5 5:49 pm
    [40]
    justrand permalink

    Daughter in burqa
    Beard chafes, bowing is boring
    Sharia law sucks

  41. 2009 June 5 5:56 pm
    [41]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Change of pace. (HT for the format: Poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti)

    I am waiting for Barack Obama to acknowledge his middle name
    And I am waiting for Michelle to say she’ll love America even if her husband loses in 2012
    And I am waiting for Obama to admit that he’s ever been wrong about anything
    And I am waiting for the New York Times to be in the tank for a Republican
    And I am waiting for someone to ask Harry Reid if the war is still lost
    And I am waiting for Nancy Pelosi to say she’s resigning because she’s not up to the job
    And I am waiting for “60 Minutes” to do a segment on what universal health insurance would really mean
    And I am waiting for a network anchor to tell viewers the difference between profit and profit margin
    And I am waiting for Chris Dodd to release the details of his sweetheart loan
    And I am waiting for John Murtha to go into a bar frequented by marines
    And I am waiting for Helen Thomas to retire and acknowledge that Maddie Albright is her younger sister
    And I am really waiting for all Americans to realize what an extraordinary human being Tony Snow was.

  42. 2009 June 5 5:58 pm
    [42]
    JustMary permalink

    You called Bush dumb for nuke-u ler
    But you released confidential nuke secrets, sir
    Which of you is dumber now
    At least to Saudis he didn’t bow
    For stupidity there is no cure

  43. 2009 June 5 6:14 pm
    [43]
    justrand permalink

    Ultimate insult
    Obama at Normandy
    Dead deserve better

  44. 2009 June 5 6:28 pm
    [44]
    ip727 permalink

    👿
    ——

    THERE ONCE WAS AN ABORTIONIST NAMED TILLER,
    HE WAS A MUCH ACCOMPLISHED BABY KILLER,
    UPON HIS GRAVE WE SHOULD PISS,
    HE WILL BE ONE OF MANY WE WON’T MISS,
    WHEN HE ARRIVES IN HELL IT WILL BE A THRILLER.

  45. 2009 June 5 6:43 pm
    [45]
    MFG permalink

    JR

    Your “Eve of Destruction” is the winner tonight, I think!

  46. 2009 June 5 6:44 pm
    [46]
    justrand permalink

    BeJohnGalt’s webmistress is Justmary
    The trolls and Dems need be wary
    She’s the best there could be
    And so lucky are we,
    That upon this site we do tarry!

  47. 2009 June 5 6:44 pm
    [47]
    justrand permalink

    aw shucks, MFG 🙂

  48. 2009 June 5 7:00 pm
    [48]
    sindalin44 permalink

    Somebody said somewhere, hey, get away from rhyming verse once in a while. Ok, here’s an Obama War Room spoof in Obambic pentameter:

    Universal Health Scare

    OBAMA: Time grows short; health care passes soon, or not.
    We’ll pledge the moon and watch the Anthems die;
    Then costs we can contain and claims restrain.

    SEBELIUS: Make our mending places ending places
    By cutting staff and underfunding, sir .
    Attrit the high-priced docs with rules and regs.

    OBAMA: I see your point: they’ll quit in droves, of course,
    When overworked and underpaid as Feds.
    But, who’ll replace those who’ve departed, then?

    GIBBS: Import the best who’ve passed the tests in Chad;
    “No English” may apply, and web grads, too.
    When word gets out, the sick will die at home,
    And costs will drop just like the mourning dew.

    EMANUEL: Another thing: pit young against the old.
    Extend a choice to seniors and their kin:
    “Replace the hip–or flu shot for the kid?”

    OBAMA: All sound suggestions you must carry through.
    I’ll make that crazy Jack Kevork Health Czar,
    And Michael Moore “Ombudsmean” for our plan.

    JARRETT: We’ll set up health care phone banks in Lahore;
    And you can hear it now if you just try:
    “Yes, yes, I want to help you with this, sir;
    Just send us back the kidney, as it is,
    And stock will ship a new one when they’re in.
    But, but, I am the supervisor, sir.”

    MICHELLE: You’d best remember Walter Reed’s for us,
    And have a vet on staff to care for Bo . . . .
    Oh NO! It’s Bo! You can’t pee on the rug;
    The Man himself will banish you outside . . . .
    Don’t growl at me like that! You hear me, dog?

  49. 2009 June 5 7:00 pm
    [49]
    Brandon permalink

    Chris Christie is the man,
    you could say I’m his biggest fan.
    He threw crooks in jail,
    allowed them no bail,
    and now will kick Corzine in the can.

  50. 2009 June 5 7:25 pm
    [50]
    justrand permalink

    excellent, as ever, sindalin44!

    and a big shout out to Brandon! Great poem…and a sincere hope you’re right!

    cheers,
    Justrand !

  51. 2009 June 5 7:29 pm
    [51]
    justrand permalink

    and now, something to make you throw up!

    HatTip NewsBusters…
    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/kyle-drennen/2009/06/05/newsweek-s-evan-thomas-obama-sort-god

    Yes, Newsweak considers Obama a “sort of god”…but don’t take my word for it…watch their editor SAY so! Enjoy (have a barf bag handy, however)

  52. 2009 June 5 7:34 pm
    [52]
    brucefdb permalink

    Ha, ha….I read all the posts. Great work gang! I must admit I have a feeling that some adult beverages are being consumed, I wonder if that disqualifies any entrants….you know, like steroids aids physical performance? Some great entries tonight, congrats.

  53. 2009 June 5 7:39 pm
    [53]
    Brandon permalink

    And now for my softer side. This is a poem I wrote a couple years back about a certain girl.

    Have you ever seen beauty which cannot be defined?
    A face so beautiful, its innocence refined.
    This beauty cannot be described by mere words,
    Such pleasantries of that of singing birds.
    The gentleness of heart which makes a man weak,
    The grace of her presence makes it so hard to speak.
    Nothing is more precious than her affectionate smile,
    If this is love in the end it will all be worthwhile.

    O’ I have seen such beauty and grace,
    The glorious beams of sunlight shine down on her face.
    Some may say this is lust, I think it is love,
    This joy in my heart is like a peaceful dove.
    Her smile, it’s true, can light up a room,
    My desire for her is like a blossom in full bloom.

    I hope and I pray that she will be my love,
    When sleeping at night that’s what I’m dreaming of.
    Yet, love has its quirks, and it may not come true,
    But I hope one day, Beautiful, I’ll be loving with you.

  54. 2009 June 5 7:41 pm
    [54]
    JustMary permalink

    That is so sweet, Brandon.

  55. 2009 June 5 7:53 pm
    [55]
    JustMary permalink

    poem

  56. 2009 June 5 8:02 pm
    [56]
    Brandon permalink

    Just going through files, and found one I wrote for school:

    Society 2007

    What’s wrong with the world is that people don’t care,
    ignorance and apathy is what they all share.
    Murder rates are rising, children dead in the streets,
    people won’t stand up for change; they just sit in their figurative seats.
    Fraud and corruption are becoming commonplace,
    people are not willing to look the problem in the face.

    Overseas we are fighting a war,
    with the best and the brightest led by the Marine Corps.
    Yet these soldiers of courage don’t get full support,
    as Congress debates as if it is some type of sport.
    Soldiers need the support of the red, white, and blue,
    yet politicians question them that have no clue.

    Drugs and violence are corrupting our youth,
    the lives they are living could be considered uncouth.
    Our leaders of today cannot solve these things,
    as some do not want to deal with the problems their position brings.
    We can only hope that in the future things will change,
    and from our people, as ideas and solutions exchange.

    Looking towards the future things do not look bright,
    countries like North Korea and Iran are out looking for a fight.
    People do not notice and they do not care,
    they are indifferent towards this international affair.
    Yet, there is still time to change and do what is right,
    we need something to come and show people the light.

  57. 2009 June 5 8:16 pm
    [57]
    justrand permalink

    Brandon…excellent love poem and excellent serious poem as well! I hope the young lady who has caught your eye is eyeing you in return! 🙂

    Cheers all…an excllent night of poetry (though several of our “regulars” were absent!

    We want to make this a monthly event…though we may have to do it bi-weekly as the interest was strong!! 👿

    Thanks to all…including those who only lurk! 🙂

  58. 2009 June 5 8:21 pm
    [58]
    justrand permalink

    HatTip Powerline:

    My D-Day Cost of Freedom thread will be on this topic!

  59. 2009 June 5 8:32 pm
    [59]
    drdog09 permalink

    The long grey line rises,
    The graves of Arlington rustle,
    The voices of the fallen murmur,
    America it is time.

  60. 2009 June 5 8:48 pm
    [60]
    justrand permalink

    I’m gonna put my D-Day Cost of Freedom thread up in a few minutes dr.dog. Thx for the suggestion! 🙂

  61. 2009 June 5 9:06 pm
    [61]
    Brandon permalink

    “Brandon…excellent love poem and excellent serious poem as well! I hope the young lady who has caught your eye is eyeing you in return!”

    Ah, she broke up with me about a year ago. We dated for 14 months. Oh well, no loss, she was a lib. I don’t think we would have made it through the election without killing each other. 😉

  62. 2009 June 5 10:58 pm
    [62]
    blakeney permalink

    Justrand –
    “And you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don’t believe
    We’re on the eve
    of destruction.”

    Yeah, my blood’s so mad feels like coagulatin’
    I’m sitting here just contemplatin’
    He can twist the truth, his conscience knows no regulation.
    Trillions of dollars for his national socialist legislation
    And tea rallies alone can’t bring sane fiscalation
    When the American dollar is disintegratin’
    This whole crazy Obama Mussolini world is just too frustratin’

    And you tell me
    Over and over and over again, my friend
    Ah, you don’t believe
    We’re on the eve
    of destruction.

  63. 2009 June 6 5:09 am
    [63]

    Dam some of these are really good, all so misguided though so sad you all feel the need to make fun of our Dear Leader. 😉

  64. 2009 June 6 6:27 am
    [64]
    justrand permalink

    blakeney…I think we need to combine our two versions and cut a single!

    KnightHawk…we’ll be known forever as the “Poets of Re-Education Camp #1369”

  65. 2009 June 6 8:33 pm
    [65]

    Poets of Re-Education Camp #1369″~~GYRENE

    1369~~~Only you and I know what that means 🙂

  66. 2009 June 7 6:14 am
    [66]
    justrand permalink

    IP727…I wondered if you’d see that! 🙂 I knew you’d know what it means! 👿

  67. 2009 July 6 8:57 pm
    [67]
    aureliusx permalink

    test

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