Pithy Poetry Night, Now With 50% More Snark!

2009 August 14
by JustMary

microphone11

 

Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! Tonight’s theme is “Death Panels” or in White House terms “Creating or saving shovel ready jobs!”, although if you don’t stick to the theme, no imaginary points will be deducted from your imaginary score. FYI- Those of you who do not participate risk being rhymed about.

 

Last time, we gave away 2 limited edition “1 year of life” awards to RWY and Lurker1. This time, the award will be a gift certificate for “Free Tonsil Removal”, because you don’t want your doctor having financial motivation to remove them. This way you know for sure, if that surgery is scheduled, it is because you actually need it! We may even cover your ice cream post op.

 

As always…feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (oh…and please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does). 🙂

81 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 August 14 4:03 pm
    [1]
    justrand permalink

    Doctor Ezekiel Rahm, we call him Zeke,
    Want strong worker-bees, and no one who’s weak
    If you’re sickly or old,
    Or just have a cold,
    The outlook for you is woefully bleak!

  2. 2009 August 14 4:07 pm
    [2]
    JustMary permalink

    Dear Granny I did love her so
    But the panel said it’s time to go
    All she had was a mole
    But it cost her her soul
    Mole removal costs way too much dough!

  3. 2009 August 14 4:12 pm
    [3]
    mpthompson permalink

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Death panels are there,
    And O’s got no clue

  4. 2009 August 14 4:15 pm
    [4]
    justrand permalink

    Death panels? Bah! Don’t be a fretter!
    Until from that panel you get, gulp, “the letter”
    To convince them you’re fine
    Use Monty Python’s line,
    And in your best Cockney accent say: “I’m getting better!”

  5. 2009 August 14 4:29 pm
    [5]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Look, we know that you’re running a fever.
    The problem is you’re not a believer,
    In “the One” and his hope
    So you’re getting some dope
    And your corpse will feed a retriever

  6. 2009 August 14 4:33 pm
    [6]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    I asked for a job shovel ready
    The man at the desk said “now, steady”
    We’ve got work for you
    But you’ll have to make do
    Throwing dirt on the piles of old Bettys

  7. 2009 August 14 4:36 pm
    [7]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Ogabe is telling his lies.
    “Under my plan,” he says, “Nobody dies”
    But you read Singer and Zeke
    And the truth starts to leak
    And the public is at last getting wise.

  8. 2009 August 14 4:38 pm
    [8]
    JustMary permalink

    I got a new job digging graves
    That’s one job created or saved!
    Shovel ready is right
    But granny sleep well tonight
    I’ll find you a good home in a cave

  9. 2009 August 14 4:38 pm
    [9]
    justrand permalink

    We’ve too many humans, we need to reduce!
    So we’re looking for people we know can produce!
    You’re concerned with your health
    We’re concerned with our WEALTH
    You’re not productive enough, is what we deduce!

  10. 2009 August 14 4:40 pm
    [10]
    conservativetony permalink

    Hey doctor, hey doctor, why are you gonna let me die?
    Hey doctor, hey doctor, why are you gonna let me die?

    I’m sorry, dear Mildred, but I can’t tell you why
    But the panel says you’re gonna have to die

    Hey doctor, hey doctor, why are you gonna let me die?

    Just tell them I want to live
    I have so much more to give

    I’m sorry, dear Mildred but the board says you did not give enough
    I’m sorry, dear Mildred that this seems so tough

    Hey doctor, hey doctor, why are you gonna let me die?

    If I’m dead, how will I pay this bill?
    Since when did doctors become a death mills?

    I’m sorry, dear Mildred, but you signed this here will
    Right after you took the blue pill
    Or was it the red pill?

    Hey doctor, hey doctor, why are you gonna let me die?

    What if I tell everybody about your blunder
    About what you did while I was under?

    I’m sorry, dear Mildred, but that just won’t do
    I had to put you under to get my due

    Hey doctor, hey doctor, I don’t want to die. . . .

  11. 2009 August 14 4:42 pm
    [11]
    justrand permalink

    JM…can you paste CheshireCat’s earlier poem here…as CheshireCat?? 🙂

  12. 2009 August 14 4:43 pm
    [12]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    There once was a girl from Alaska
    who took the commies to task-a
    She flagged their bee-ess
    And the left felt duress
    They were mad that she pulled off their mask-a..

    And lo how the RINOs did shout
    “This woman, we must throw her out”!
    Then they looked at the bill
    and they took a chill pill
    for her words were true beyond doubt

    So once again the moderates show
    That their political tendencies blow
    They can’t fight, they can’t lead
    They should shut up and read
    Levin’s book, and leave us to row.

  13. 2009 August 14 4:44 pm
    [13]
    JustMary permalink

    Protesters rightly erupt
    Over a government far too corrupt
    Reps taking phone calls
    During town halls
    A halt to this must be abrupt!

  14. 2009 August 14 4:45 pm
    [14]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    The British and Canadians yell
    that their health care works very well
    But you read their own papers
    and the medical capers
    nearly get patients thrown down a well.

  15. 2009 August 14 4:47 pm
    [15]
    CheshireCat permalink

    When Granny comes home with some pills in a plastic bag
    Hurrah! Hurrah!
    Obama will give her a hearty high five then
    Hurrah! Hurrah!
    The Emanuels will cheer, the Kevorkians will shout
    The eugenicists they will all turn out
    And the old folks will all be dead by Christmas time next year!
    Get ready for the Jack Kevorkian Jubilee
    Hurrah! Hurrah!
    He’ll give Dr Obama three times three
    Hurrah! Hurrah!
    The Doctor of Life and Death degree is ready now
    To place upon Obama’s Godly brow
    And he will feel so happy and gay
    When Pallbearers carry Grandma and Grandpa to the funeral home

  16. 2009 August 14 4:47 pm
    [16]
    justrand permalink

    rwy…splendid Palin poem! 🙂

  17. 2009 August 14 4:48 pm
    [17]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    You read of how patients in Britain
    are with regular ailments smitten
    and in the States would be fixed
    But their treatment is nixed
    And their epitaph ends up being written…

  18. 2009 August 14 4:48 pm
    [18]
    brucefdb permalink

    You guys are still too sober……well maybe not Tony.

  19. 2009 August 14 4:49 pm
    [19]
    conservativetony permalink

    I now pronounce death upon you
    For being born in 1942
    Please sign these papers
    To leave everything to the takers
    And send in Grandpa Lou.

  20. 2009 August 14 4:49 pm
    [20]
    justrand permalink

    [okay…the competition is heating up…I’m going with my fastball, high & tight!]

    You’re feeling ill, you want to know why
    But we on the panel have just said: “Goodbye”.
    You’re confused and in pain,
    So we’ll make it more plain,
    We don’t mean “So long”, we mean you must die!

  21. 2009 August 14 4:50 pm
    [21]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Something might be wrong with the site.
    My posts are moving to the right
    Not the political side
    but the screen’s rightward glide
    has me trying my tongue not to bite..

  22. 2009 August 14 4:50 pm
    [22]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    That’s in for a strike, JR….

  23. 2009 August 14 4:52 pm
    [23]
    JustMary permalink

    RightWingYahoo the screen it is just fine
    Me thinks you have had too much wine
    Turn your screen upside down
    Along with your frown
    Then the sides will be right in line!

  24. 2009 August 14 4:53 pm
    [24]
    mpthompson permalink

    Red pill or blue pill
    Oh what choice
    One keeps the care cheap
    As we all pay the bill
    The other brings rejoice
    without the long sleep
    But which is which
    Red pill or blue pill
    Oh what choice

  25. 2009 August 14 4:54 pm
    [25]
    JustMary permalink

    For CheshireCat:

    CC

  26. 2009 August 14 4:56 pm
    [26]
    mpthompson permalink

    JM, can anyone put an HTML image tag into a post? I’ve tried it before and it didn’t work.

  27. 2009 August 14 4:59 pm
    [27]
    justrand permalink

    snappy stuff, folks. Of course, the White House is watching! 👿

  28. 2009 August 14 5:00 pm
    [28]
    conservativetony permalink

    Grandma, Grandpa, where are you headed?
    We’re off to get some new boots, they be leaded

    The governments giving handouts
    Coffins for the tall, short, thin and stout

    They have this plan
    To bury us all in a can

    But if we get there fast
    We won’t be buried last

  29. 2009 August 14 5:01 pm
    [29]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Once when the Republicans tried
    to reduce the medicare slide
    by slowing the rate
    of growth that the state
    paid in claims, the Democrats lied

    “Newt and his cronies desire
    to have your parents funeral pyre!”
    So they yelled and they shouted
    and no facts could be touted
    showing this statement was the statement of liars

    So now we see Medicare doomed.
    And what’s under the Democrat’s ‘shroom?
    Well its a death warrant for Granny
    despite all that Lanny
    Can do to keep townhallers broomed

    We ask you: who cares for the folks?
    The R party, or the Dems and their blokes
    from the SEIU
    who attack me and you
    When we say “There’s fire under that smoke!”

  30. 2009 August 14 5:02 pm
    [30]
    JustMary permalink

    I’ll write it on your facebook page, mt, because it is not letting me tell you the code.

  31. 2009 August 14 5:04 pm
    [31]
    justrand permalink

    [this one goes with my Twilight Zone clip I posted earlier]

    Our Death Panel job is oh so sweet
    With awesome power we are replete
    Who’s to live and who’s to die,
    It’s OUR choice, you must comply.
    So it sucks to be you, you’re “Obsolete”!

  32. 2009 August 14 5:07 pm
    [32]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    The Dems want control of all things
    They want the power that brings.
    Of life and of death
    Of each and ever-y breath
    And they want it without any strings.

    Well, some of us out in the nation
    Don’t cotton to the revelation
    that we don’t have a say
    in any small way
    That keeps us out of the health conflagration

  33. 2009 August 14 5:14 pm
    [33]
    justrand permalink

    [rwy…we’re on the same wavelength (scary)…this is what I was writing as you were writing your last one:]

    In the Twilight Zone we have all landed
    It’s a place where Dems underhanded
    Now control life and death
    And can time our last breath
    For as terrorists we have been all branded

  34. 2009 August 14 5:14 pm
    [34]
    conservativetony permalink

    Sucky is the polls of Arlin’s
    Now he’s out gnashin’ and a gnarlin’
    Time to make him pay
    For everything for everything he’s had to say
    Then start to work on the one we call the swishy darlin’

  35. 2009 August 14 5:15 pm
    [35]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Obama must think that we’re stupid
    he keeps smiling as if he were Cupid
    “Oh, that’s not in the bill”
    We love “over the hills”
    But he sounds like his trousers are poop-ed….

  36. 2009 August 14 5:16 pm
    [36]
    JustMary permalink

    If you think the death panel[s] a rumor
    Just try and develop a tumor
    They’ll snuff you post haste
    So as cash not to waste
    You must have a good sense of humor

  37. 2009 August 14 5:17 pm
    [37]
    justrand permalink

    rwy…I appreciate your rhyming prowess. but “poop-ed”? 🙂

  38. 2009 August 14 5:18 pm
    [38]
    justrand permalink

    I’d report ALL of you…but I’d have to report myself. *sigh*

    campfire sing-alongs in our Re-Education Camp are gonna be a hoot!! 🙂

  39. 2009 August 14 5:19 pm
    [39]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    “Nazis!” the left calls the right,
    But it’s they who went out in the night
    And beat up a man
    selling shirts at a stand
    And found themselves in a 10×10 plight…

  40. 2009 August 14 5:20 pm
    [40]
    lurker1 permalink

    Apologies to Lewis Carroll
    (and with a Happy Ending)

    Obama’s Doc

    Twas scary, and the slimy Dems
    Did plot and plan all through Congress:
    All wimpy, were Republicans,
    At Galt things got most anxious!

    Beware Obama’s Doc, my son!
    Death panels based on your life span…
    Beware the rationing, and shun
    The Public Option Plan!

    Galt took his Vorpal pen in hand:
    Long time Marxist foe he fought —
    So rested he by the freedom tree,
    And stood awhile in thought.

    And, as in uffish thought he stood,
    Obama’s Doc, with eyes of flame,
    Came by with box of plain Pine Wood,
    And burbled as he came!

    One, two! One, two! And through and through
    The Vorpal pen went snicker-snack!
    With much bloodshed, Galt left it dead
    And went galumphing back!

    “And, has thou slain Obama’s Doc?
    Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
    O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
    He chortled in his joy.

    Twas scary, but the slimy Dems
    were vanquished soundly through the halls:
    All wimpy, were Republicans…

    (sigh) Some things never change.

  41. 2009 August 14 5:23 pm
    [41]
    INC permalink

    Something was wrong with the site.
    RightWingYahoo was right
    But I fixed the glide
    So things will not slide
    The split screen was really a site!

    (I saw the same thing RWY did. Our boss here did the same thing on another thread. 🙂 He posted a video with too much HTML code in it and it skewed all the comments below.)

  42. 2009 August 14 5:25 pm
    [42]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    The slightest attention will show
    that the Democrats health fiasco
    From the fatherland draws
    it’s rules and its laws
    The weak and the elderly go

    They must, for the state does not cotton
    To those who they deem misbegotten
    They don’t fit the bill
    Nor the tax coffers fill
    So, they are given a place with the rotten.

  43. 2009 August 14 5:26 pm
    [43]
    INC permalink

    I like that lurker. The poems are really good tonight.

  44. 2009 August 14 5:26 pm
    [44]
    justrand permalink

    hmmm…despite the wine, my screen is fine! 🙂

  45. 2009 August 14 5:27 pm
    [45]
    justrand permalink

    rwy, that last poem of yours is a keeper! Really.

  46. 2009 August 14 5:28 pm
    [46]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Right wing yahoo was right! Exclaims INC.
    Well that does not warrant a drink
    For everyone knows
    that yahoo’s wisdom beglows
    from afar, and there’s no need to re-think…

    heh.

  47. 2009 August 14 5:28 pm
    [47]
    conservativetony permalink

    Little OT

    HA is saying Beck is losing some advertisers. He deserves all the help he can get.

  48. 2009 August 14 5:28 pm
    [48]
    INC permalink

    Hmmm, I have a wide screen. Maybe that was why the split showed up.

  49. 2009 August 14 5:34 pm
    [49]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    There is a troll we don’t miss.
    Her sniping and venomous hiss,
    Every time Sarah spoke
    She would hack, cough and choke,
    She was full of vinegar and p*ss.

  50. 2009 August 14 5:35 pm
    [50]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    There are plenty of advertisers who will fill the gap.

    I’d pay a monthly rate to get Beck’s show. For all it’s flaws it’s still important.

  51. 2009 August 14 5:36 pm
    [51]
    justrand permalink

    I am ALL for a counter-boycott regarding Beck. ANY company that drops him I will NEVER do business with…ever!

  52. 2009 August 14 5:38 pm
    [52]
    JustMary permalink

    Allstate is cheaper than Geico anyhow. Just sayin.

  53. 2009 August 14 5:38 pm
    [53]
    justrand permalink

    [the wine is, sadly, taking its toll 🙁 so this may not be down to my, uh, “standards”]

    The Obamanites are getting quite surly
    In their rightness they believe most surely!
    When we question the One
    They come quickly undone
    And send in goons who are quite burly

  54. 2009 August 14 5:44 pm
    [54]
    JustMary permalink

    Purple is the new brown
    Least that’s what they say around town
    So watch what you do
    Or the SEIU
    Will put your business into the ground

  55. 2009 August 14 5:44 pm
    [55]
    justrand permalink

    gonna go watch Glenn Beck…and I am ready for a counter-boycott!

    in fact, I am ready for MUCH more these days!

  56. 2009 August 14 5:47 pm
    [56]
    Brandon permalink

    Be John Galt is a swell place,
    however, it has been missing it’s favorite face.
    After an absence, he is now back,
    preparing for RWY’s attack,
    because we all know he’s a nutcase. 😉

  57. 2009 August 14 5:51 pm
    [57]
    INC permalink

    Haiku:

    Sarah: Death Panels
    Town Halls: Confront the Congress
    Obama: Cornered

  58. 2009 August 14 5:52 pm
    [58]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    The dems want a figure 4 hold
    On your life from birth till you’re old
    They’ll run your health and your house
    Your speech they will douse
    And they’ll still be looking to scold.

    Too much gas! Too large a home!
    You don’t need a gun or a phone!
    And your wage is too high’
    So a tax we’ll apply
    And your savings we’ll use for a loan.

    To the voters we want to come in,
    You Americans don’t often grin
    You expect far too much
    These new people are such
    That they’ll leave us alone and vote “Dim”…

  59. 2009 August 14 5:55 pm
    [59]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Oh, at last we are visited by
    The boy wonder with mud in his eye.
    Last time Brandon spoke
    on Sarah’s words he did choke
    But look who was right by and by.

  60. 2009 August 14 5:58 pm
    [60]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Hey Brandon, did you notice the school,
    Sarah started and tutored the tool,
    sitting in the White House
    Now trapped like a mouse
    Good thing he’s no moose, just a fool.

  61. 2009 August 14 6:09 pm
    [61]
    brucefdb permalink

    Wow, things have improved a lot in a couple hours. Tony, lurker another dandy, Cat, RWY, JM, JR who am I leaving out? INC? Naw, she does the best posts but who cares about that. 😉

  62. 2009 August 14 6:10 pm
    [62]
    brucefdb permalink

    Oops, forgot about Brandon….clever and brave.

  63. 2009 August 14 6:44 pm
    [63]
    justrand permalink

    I applaude all our brave rhymers!! (aka “Poets”)

    rwy…I’ll vote here and now for you…but Justmary is the final “arbiter” on Pithy Poetry Night! 🙂 Good luck!

    cheers all,
    Justrand

  64. 2009 August 14 6:50 pm
    [64]
    JustMary permalink

    INC’s haiku wins. Congrats on your tonsils removal!

    Sarah: Death Panels
    Town Halls: Confront the Congress
    Obama: Cornered

  65. 2009 August 14 6:56 pm
    [65]
    justrand permalink

    but we had TWO awards…and I vote the 2nd to rwy’s:

    The slightest attention will show
    that the Democrats health fiasco
    From the fatherland draws
    it’s rules and its laws
    The weak and the elderly go

    They must, for the state does not cotton
    To those who they deem misbegotten
    They don’t fit the bill
    Nor the tax coffers fill
    So, they are given a place with the rotten.

  66. 2009 August 14 6:57 pm
    [66]
    INC permalink

    But what about the ice cream post op?

    🙂

  67. 2009 August 14 7:26 pm
    [67]
    lurker1 permalink

    Love INC’s haiku!

  68. 2009 August 14 7:36 pm
    [68]
    JustMary permalink

    Honorable mention goes to RWY, who will receive a certificate good for a nice metal spring on which to hop (should a greedy doctor hack off his foot for the cold hard cash). You shall supply your own crazy glue with which to affix said foot replacement spring. 😀 Who loves ya.

  69. 2009 August 14 7:37 pm
    [69]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    I’ve had like 12 honorable mentions. Bloody honorable mentions. bah.

  70. 2009 August 14 7:38 pm
    [70]
    JustMary permalink

    Ice cream, if passed through the interwebs, contains no calories. So INC, you not only get ice cream, but it is not going to effect your rating within the Obamacare system! Even if I tell them you ate it!

  71. 2009 August 14 7:38 pm
    [71]
    JustMary permalink

    Dood….you won last time. Shuddup.

  72. 2009 August 14 7:47 pm
    [72]
    CheshireCat permalink

    Hickory dickory dock Obama is running out of time on the clock
    The clock struck one
    Obama said “These polls are no longer any fun!”
    Hickory dickory dock

    Hickory dickory dock Obama is running out of time on the clock
    The clock struck two
    Obama said “Now what am I gonna do!”
    Hickory dickory dock

    Hickory dickory dock Obama is running out of time on the clock
    The clock struck three
    Obama said “On Bush and Sarah I must some more again pee!”
    Hickory dickory dock

    Hickory dickory dock Obama is running out of time on the clock
    The clock struck four
    Obama said “This just ain’t any fun anymore!”
    Hickory dickory dock

  73. 2009 August 14 7:52 pm
    [73]
    brucefdb permalink

    Haiku….I hear a lot of that at the Homeless Shelter.

    Yo: weed.
    Hack: alugi
    Washout: barf

    Heavy man.

  74. 2009 August 14 7:53 pm
    [74]
    CheshireCat permalink

    I see a time of reckoning arising
    I see trouble for him on the way
    I see earthquakes and lightnin’
    I see bad times for Obama coming into play

    He lost his teleprompter tonight
    Well, it’s bound to take his oratorical life
    A time of reckoning is on the rise

    I hear hurricanes ablowing
    I know Obama’s dictatorial end is coming soon
    I see rivers of tea over flowing
    I hear the voice of rage that will lead to his ruin

    He lost his teleprompter tonight
    Well, it’s bound to take his oratorical life
    A time of reckoning is on the rise

    All right!

    Hope he’s got his things together
    Hope he is quite prepared for his star to die
    Looks like he’s in for nasty weather
    One eye is taken for an eye.

    He lost his teleprompter tonight
    Well, it’s bound to take his oratorical life
    A time of reckoning is on the rise

    He lost his teleprompter tonight
    Well, it’s bound to take his oratorical life
    A time of reckoning is on the rise

  75. 2009 August 14 7:57 pm
    [75]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    Dood….you won last time. Shuddup.

    No I bloody didn’t. I got second to lurker1.

    I want to take a moment to proudly thank everyone for my next 14 second places in a row.

    Thanks everyone!

  76. 2009 August 14 7:59 pm
    [76]
    justrand permalink

    rwy…I voted for you for co-#1 this time! blame my daughter!!!

  77. 2009 August 14 8:03 pm
    [77]
    JustMary permalink

    No no no…..Blame it on the rain:

  78. 2009 August 14 8:06 pm
    [78]
    JustMary permalink

    Oh and there was no #1 and #2 last time, there were two prizes. Next time you are just going to get a participant ribbon. Or I am going to have to adopt the liberal “there are no losers” mantra?

  79. 2009 August 14 8:07 pm
    [79]
    rightwingyahoo permalink

    I’ll be pulling a “Chris Cocker” next time, heh….

  80. 2009 August 14 8:08 pm
    [80]
    JustMary permalink

    Leave RWY alooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooone!

  81. 2009 August 14 8:09 pm
    [81]
    brucefdb permalink

    Peace bro.

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