Pithy Poetry Night
2010 March 5
Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! There is no theme tonight, so go nuts. I do have a prize though! Glenn Beck’s CD Idiots Unplugged is yours for the listening should you be declared tonight’s winner.
As always…feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere, as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (but please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does). 
Oh and for you smarty pants who consistently look for rhymes with legal “uck”s in them, if I spot one that is truly clever, I will post it in the intro on the next Poetry Night. It’s the least I could do to reward your efforts.
[1]
Facts and figures are great,
Like the current out-of-work rate.
Reid and Barry are thrilled,
With the jobs they have killed,
As the country they’ve worked to castrate!
[2]
Another day in Obama’s Amerika and the sun is shining bright
The epic glow from Obama’s halo tells me everything will be alright
Freedom is slavery, and government knows best
I tell you quite freely at no one’s behest
Now it is time, to just get in line and stop fighting what you know to be true
That it is simply your racism (our president is black!) that has gotten the better of you
If you just stop to think, and take a hit from this plant, I think that you’ll soon discover
Obama is right, Sarah Palin is dumb, and this is a transparent administration like no other!
[3]
There is quite a lot of talk here about the lovely conservative ladies. But this is dedicated to you awesome conservative guys. It’s not political but I did write it.
When he was just a young man
I loved him for his eyes
His bulging chest, his lips,
And his rock hard thighs
When he reached his thirties
I loved his hard work ethics
And the home that he provided
With all of it’s aesthetics
When he reached his forties
I saw the greatest Dad
And I loved him for the morals
That he passed on to my lad
Well into his fifties
I cherished his strong base
And his heroic efforts
To make the world a better place
In his later years
I loved him for his smile,
His tender heart, his wisdom
And his inner child
Who’d have thought I’d ever
Be standing at his side
It’s been the greatest honor
That he chose me as his bride
[4]
gosh TLS, what a splendid poem!!
[5]
Obamacare rose from the dead,
Thanks to Democrats mostly inbred.
And they’re showing no fears,
That we’ll end their careers,
For our country they’ll completely have bled
[6]
The dems won’t pass the healthcare if abortions are a miss
They have to kill more babies to bring utopian bliss
If you want a kingdom, you know what you can kiss
Bring it on you S.O.B,’s, RECONCILE THIS!
[7]
Seat after seat will be lost to the dems
If they continue this path they are on
Yet they forge ahead at a breakneck pace
Makes you wonder what is really going on
What do they know that leaves us in the dark
What card do they hold up their sleeves?
Is there some reason they can’t put this train in park?
Do they know we will get no reprieve?
You may think me tinhatty but look at their actions
They speak so much louder than words
The things they say rarely get a retraction
Yet they call us right wingers absurd
[8]
Thanks JR! You guys deserve it!!
[9]
You had me at rock hard thighs, TLS.
/channeling Eph
[10]
The democrats threaten us with reconciliation
Promising us healthcare despite our irritation
It hasn’t gotten any better since his coronation
And we still have three more years of this Obamanation
A poorer leader can’t be found since the first creation
Including Jimmy Carter and his historic stagflation
Pelosi tells you, “Hey, get back in your lowly station”
While Sarah’s facebook page says “What in tarnation?!?”
And though the Dems claim victory in every conversation
They can’t explain why healthcare has hit a hesitation
Maybe they hear Ted and John calling for cessation
From the fiery abyss of their own damnation
[11]
JM – That part was for the ladies
[12]
Three cheers to my crew
for the things that you do
The news stories on constant display
I wanted to make sure that you knew
I appreciate you
Every minute of every day
[13]
Job losses through the roof
Are just more proof
Of the ones inability to lead
I tell you the truth
The media lies
When they said losses happened unexpectedly!
[14]
Pelosi says they have it
Brown says that they don’t
Hoyer says they’ll pass it
Stupek says they won’t
Rahm says fourteen days
Pelosi says “We can!”
The dems all miss their family
Massa says “He’s a man?”
The Senate says “You first”
The House says “You last”
But then nothing gets adjusted
If Obama signs it fast
Nancy says “For the people,
Fall upon your sword”
To bring the great society
That we’ve been working toward
But all the dems are thinking
About their November fate
The Dems all eat their own
While We The People sit and wait
[15]
I am having a hard time
Putting words to my rhyme
As my wine glass is only half full
Or is it that I’m
Having such a hard time
Trying to be clever with Obama’s bull!!!
[16]
#15 LOL!!
[17]
Teddy got a tumor
Murtha got a nick
Edwards got indicted
But at least he isn’t sick
[18]
“Only” 36,000 people lost their jobs today
Says Harry Reid “this is good”
I can’t wait for the day that jerk loses his pay
I’d take it from him now if I could!
[19]
I have to wonder
Where are our rhymers tonight?
Crying in a beer?
[20]
The healthcare bill is good for you no matter what they say
You’ll be too scared to get sick, so healthy you will stay
And there’s a little kickback to give a healthy nudge
It’s also very useful if your brother wants to be a judge
We’ll kill all the little babies before they can get the flu
And if you’re old, we’ll do the job before something else kills you
And for all the wealthy doctors, payment cuts are just a tool
To help avoid the deadly stress of picking out a pool
Now if you’re out there thinking that it’s time for the dems to quite
Then you just can’t see the grand scheme (or maybe you’re a twit)
This massive healthcare bill will fix everything by dawn
‘Cause when you wake up this November, the Democrats will be gone!!
[21]
It is awefully quiet in here.
[22]
I am just reading and in awe of your rhyming talents. On Friday evening my brain is generally worn out from the week.
[23]
#21 It is, huh? I tried to announce it this time.
[24]
#22 Sokay, INC…..I am in awe of your writing talents!
[25]
INC…..I am in awe of your writing talents!
ditto.
[26]
Thanks!
[27]
During the “Summit” the Dems did emote,
Telling teary-eyed stories meant to connote,
That the plight of one or two,
Means America we must screw,
Thus we’ll shove this crap straight down your throat!
[28]
Yummy crap sandwiches
For all to behold
Take them and like them
And do what you’re told
The health “care” plan they offer
They won’t themselves use
Money stuffed in their coffers
For them to abuse
It’s for the children
They tell us with pride
But only the living ones
And that’s what they hide
Grandma’s care will be rationed
They lie about that too
Call me old fashioned
But her life has value
At what point do we take this great country back?
Do we sit on our butts and accept care that will lack?
Revolution is coming, think so more every day
But I’ll take it over serfdom, absolutely, any day
[29]
The mighty Justrand I will quote,
Saying “During the “Summit” the Dems did emote,”
The crying and lying
No one was buying
If fact, we all wanted to slit our own throat!!
[30]
rofl
[31]
Where are the rhymers tonight?
No one showed up for the fight
Well there’s INC, Mary and me
If we find Jan, Judy and Beej
We could have Justrand leading “Girl’s night”!!
[32]
*Mary fights the image of Dad in a dress*
[33]
oh my!
been out walking my dawg…but we’re back now.
LADIES’ Night!! be right back…
[34]
LADIES’ Night!! be right back…
Is he changing his clothes?!?!
[35]
Don’t despair, I’m hear with flair
Re-ed camps, I don’t really care
Poetry at BJG is my saving Grace
Even if my rhymes are all over the place
Just bail me out when the arrests take place.
[36]
i’m back with one question:
Does this dress make me look fat?
[37]
CT is here to save the day
but incarceration is on the way
Justrand thinks he looks fat
but he just needs a hat
It the nicest thing I have to say!
[38]
TLS and Justmary are leading the pack,
Against the evil Left they’re on the attack.
Tony and I will bring up the rear,
We’ve got your back, have no fear!
So whatever you do, don’t cut ‘em no slack!
[39]
The Left’s all a-twitter: Leno used a laugh-track!
They’re gathering round, they’re forming a pack!
At his head they’ll start wailing,
Just for booking S. Palin,
…’cause they’re a bunch of stooopid heads! (I just had to say that)
[40]
He’s got the votes say the AP
We’ve counted, they said with glee
‘Tis the right who won’t count,
‘Cause that high a number they cannot surmount
We’re just afraid to wake up on November three.
[41]
Have a little heathcare
Have a little tax
Hell, let’s make it mandatory
‘Cause the Constitution lacks
Have a little amnesty
Have some more Dems voters
And while we’re here how ‘bout
Backing Gov’ment Motors
Have some banking regs
Have banks owned by TARP
‘Cause communisms better
But we don’t mean to harp
Have some cap and trade
Although Climate Change is debunked
I’ll cover that up too
Along with that I flunked
Have a little ACORN
Have some Union Dues
And pay your bill on time
Cuz only the Gov’t issues IOU’s
[42]
TLS you are on fire!!!!!!!!
[43]
Oh my….
Health care is on the brink,
Jobs are in the sink.
Deficits are sky-high,
and Evan B. goes bye-bye.
Banks are tight-fisted with their funds,
and all Obama says is, “I won!”
Iran is busy making nukes.
Where is the President putting up his dukes?
…it’s enough to make you want to puke!
Oh my…..
Unemployment is only 9.7,
The way Harry Reid describes it, “It’s pure heaven!”
Taxes and “fees” on every state’s mind,
How can the common man get out of this bind!
Cap and trade is still not declared dead,
Because theories of too much carbon boggles warmists’ heads!
Immigration reform is now a new call,
Starting to echo off of Obama’s cranial wall.
…..all I can say is, What gall!”
Oh my………….
[44]
Yeah, Jan’s here! Now all we need is Beej, Judy and CT in a dress!!
Nice poem, Jan!!
[45]
wow! the Women of BJG are ALL on fire tonight!
Hey guys…CT and I are trying to represent our gender, but we could use some help!
IP, RWY, drdog, et al, where ARE you guys???
[46]
#42 There was much drinking in advance
[47]
hmmm…the “Women of BJG”…sounds like a calendar!
[48]
TLS, you’re really good at this
But don’t be thinkin’ its all bliss
Obama knows where you live
And he knows all your relatives
Soon there won’t be pot to **** in.
[49]
I’m catching up!
[50]
Oh that’s funny CT
You really shouldn’t chid
Of coarse he knows my realatives
They’re all on his side!!!!
[51]
Stand before the firing squad
Remove the blindfold and see what’s before you
This is the path that we have chosen
Now accept your bitter fate baby
For the sake of the music
– 2010 Democratic Drinking Dirge
[52]
I was out with a lady of another kind, She Who Shall Not Be Denied, for dinner with friends. Otherwise I would have ended up a Lady of BJG!
[53]
“The Women of BJG”
I doubt that calendar would be free
They’re conservative gems
Certaintly Reps and Dems
Would pay dearly just to see!!
[54]
They want my guns, but I, uh, think that I lost them.
They look at my faith, and for that they condemn!
They hate all we stand for
But I know this for sure:
The problem we face isn’t us…it’s them!
[55]
drdog has entered the lists!
good…’cause wine just makes my “poetic powers” even worse!
[56]
TLS, I’d have to skip the month my daughter adorned, of course!
[57]
Sarah tried to make ‘em laugh with jokes
But they’re just a bunch of dopes
They hate her so, so much
For all they do, she eats their lunch
And dashes their silly little hopes
[58]
#56 lol!
[59]
Democrats
“On, Brave Old Democratic Team”
The Piggy’s team’s the pride and dream
Of every heart in blue.
The Dims line you’ll ever find
A sock puppet in the fray;
And when the Dims is fighting
for the Graft and Corruption and Gold,
We’re always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we’re told:
The Piggy’s team
Rah Rah Rah
On, brave old Democratic team,
On to the fray:
Fight on to defeat,
For that’s the fearless Democratic way.
[With sincere apologies to the US Army Military Academy.]
[60]
OT, and non-poetic
Tom Hanks, a man I once thought had a brain in his body, has turned into Forrest Gump.
He went on MSNBC today and proclaimed his admiration for our “Wise and calm President”…and then proclaimed: “He’s doing a spectacular job”.
OK, senility hits some earlier than others. Bye Bye Tommy…I will NEVER spend a PENNY on anything you are involved in again. EVER!
Hanks is entitled to his opinion. But he is going on the road stumping for a man determined to “fundamentally transform” my country.
[61]
Isn’t rich?
Isn’t it queer?
All those Dims losing their timing this late in their careers.
And where are the clowns,
There ought to be clowns,
Well maybe Gibbs will be back next year.
[62]
#61 ROFLMAO!!!!
[63]
SNAP, drdog! excellent!
[64]
I’m wined/whined out for a bit…I’d say the muses have abandoned me, but they never showed up for me!
I shall return (after dinner!)
cheers and thanks to our BJG poets…but especially tonight…TLS!
though janzam and Justmary rocked as well. drdog and CT did excellent work too…but I have to cast my vote for TLS! (something about “rock hard thighs”)
[65]
Dems are not gems, or jewels,
For all they promote are “green” fuels.
They’re good at conjugating professorial BIG words,
Creating nothing but large,undigestable curds.
The policies they make up in real time,
do damage in their expansion of sub-prime.
For building big government seems more a religious quest,
Putting many of our constitutional rights to a test.
We must stay vital, alive and strong,
In order to correct the missteps that have all gone wrong!
[66]
TLS
Can rhyme with the best
If I have a vote, I vote with the rest
And even if I don’t, there’s reconciliation
That’s cause for a celebration
[67]
“The problem is all inside your head”, Pelosi said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your party.
She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your party
Fifty ways to leave your party
You just slip out the back, Jack (Quinn)
Don’t be a clod, Dodd
You don’t need to tarry, Berry
Just get yourself free
No need to be sly, Bayh
You don’t need to discuss much
No need for frills, Bill Ritter
And get yourself free
And get yourself free
[68]
Nice one, drdog.
TLS, you’ve been spot on and prolific.
Lots of good prose on BJG tonight —> JM, Juntrand, CT.
[69]
If I have a vote, I vote with the rest
And even if I don’t, there’s reconciliation
That’s cause for a celebration
So what you’re saying is, if I bride half of you (#3)
and I blackmail half of you (#53)
Then all I need is one honest vote, right?!?
[70]
bride = bribe
[71]
TLS, no need. You had the 3C’s going — Consistency, Content and Cleverness. Always a winner.
[72]
Thanks, DrD. You are all worthy oppenents
[73]
IT’S BEEN OUR HOLY GRAIL FROM THE BEGINNING,
SOCIALIZED MEDICINE IS IN THE FINAL INNING,
YOU CAN’T STOP US NOW, NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY,
WE’VE WAITED TOO LONG TO LET THIS THING PASS BY,
WE’RE IN THE HOME STRETCH, AND WE ARE WINNING.
PISS AND MOAN WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT,
WE’LL DO WHAT WE WANT JUST OUT OF SPITE,
YOUR BALLS ARE ON THE ANVIL,WE HAVE THE HAMMER,
THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO,WE HAVE OBAMMER,
YOUR PARTY IS OVER,TURN OUT THE LIGHT.
DO WHAT YOU WILL COME ELECTION DAY,
WE DON’T GIVE A CRAP WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY,
WE’RE GOING TO CRAM IT THROUGH IN SPITE OF YOU,
AND YOU’LL NEVER UNDO THIS WITCHES BREW,
WE’LL PASS THIS ABORTION COME WHAT MAY.
[74]
#73 Excellence becomes your standard !!!
[75]
#1 -#72 Another superb poetry night.