Pithy Poetry Night

2010 May 29
by JustMary

Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! Tonight’s theme is “All things Chris Christie”, although if you don’t stick to the theme, no imaginary points will be deducted from your imaginary score. Will there be a prize again tonight? Yes! Tonight’s winner will receive a copy of the book “Setting the Record Straight: American History in Black & White”. If you watched Glenn Beck’s show yesterday, you will understand why I chose this book!

As always…feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (oh…and please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does). 😀

Please bow your heads for the benediction, which I will do with a sad heart in MFG’s absence.

74 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 May 29 3:02 pm
    [1]
    JustMary permalink

    My children

    Bow your heads, hold high your tasty cakes, and repeat after me:

    Our Obama
    Who art in Washington
    Hallowed be thy name
    Thy corruption come
    Thy fraud be done
    In Washington as it is in Illinois
    Give us this day our welfare check
    And forgive us our Christianity
    As we forgive those who have decency or ethics
    And lead us not into integrity
    But deliver us from honesty, amen

    (You are missed, MFG)

  2. 2010 May 29 3:02 pm
    [2]
    JustMary permalink

    Dear Chris Christie
    I’m your fan
    Kick those unions
    In the can!

  3. 2010 May 29 3:05 pm
    [3]
    JustMary permalink

    Rita Wilson wanted cash
    Her whining gave Christie a rash
    He put her in her place right quick
    Just like he does a fried drumstick! (Get in mah belly!)

  4. 2010 May 29 3:10 pm
    [4]
    TLS permalink

    Christie’s the man of the hour
    He certainly isn’t a dove
    And as long as you don’t run a union
    Well hey, there’s just more to love

    Except maybe “refreshing and honest”
    He’s been called every name in the book
    ‘Cause the unions just can’t figure out
    How to deal with a man who isn’t a crook

    It’s true that he throws weight around
    He doesn’t roll over at all
    His HUGE work for the state of New Jersey
    Sure makes the rest of him seem very small

  5. 2010 May 29 3:11 pm
    [5]
    drdog09 permalink

    Rather than a poem, I thought I would offer a song. This particular ballad drudged from the past fits perfectly as the WH Press Corps theme song. —

  6. 2010 May 29 3:16 pm
    [6]
    JustMary permalink

    Tasty cakes and deep fried love
    Christie is a great gift from above
    Good sport is he when tone is questioned
    Reporters sure to learn a lesson
    He’ll clean up that state, to be sure
    Though union wrath he will endure
    He’s on a roll and that’s no secret
    Let’s just hope that he can keep it!

  7. 2010 May 29 3:18 pm
    [7]
    JustMary permalink

    Punching hippies in the face
    I’m glad Christie is in this race
    He’s sure to win
    Hope others follow
    Less liberal crap
    We’ll have to swallow!

  8. 2010 May 29 3:19 pm
    [8]

    There once was a governor named christie,
    He was definitely not part of the limp wristy,
    While the lefties were busy giving catcalls,
    He nonetheless had them by the balls,
    And upon their graves he will do the twisty.

  9. 2010 May 29 3:19 pm
    [9]
    TLS permalink

    Ode to Arlen Specter
    The Republican defector
    You made your bed
    Your career is dead
    ‘Cause the voters hit the ejector

  10. 2010 May 29 3:22 pm
    [10]
    TLS permalink

    Obama’s sure concerned about the Gulf
    That hole has got him just beside himself
    It’s taking up his time and concentration
    If fact, he’ll need to book another vacation

    It’s all just a simple matter of control
    And if he can’t get it done, heads will roll
    But before you start in calling him Adolf
    Keep in mind, he thought that you said GOLF!

  11. 2010 May 29 3:22 pm
    [11]
    JustMary permalink

    Oil spilled and green was silent
    While bloggers held the role defiant
    Voting present saved no ocean
    And no amount of self promotion
    Will undo the damage done
    To the environment, and to “the won”

  12. 2010 May 29 3:23 pm
    [12]

    Some thought of him as one of the wingnuts,
    Or just a muncher of the doughnuts,
    But the rotund one from New jersey,
    Whom some may have called an overstuffed guernsey,
    Had them by their numbnuts.

  13. 2010 May 29 3:26 pm
    [13]
    JustMary permalink

    Clinton made a call or two
    First for a woman in a dress of blue
    Now he’s calling on Sestak
    To pony up and join the pack
    Of those this country truly needs
    Folks with strong pads for their knees!

    heh

  14. 2010 May 29 3:26 pm
    [14]
    TLS permalink

    Clinton’s rescuing Blanche Lincoln
    Clinton’s taking Barry’s fall
    The Demonrats were done with him
    But they sure knew who to call

  15. 2010 May 29 3:27 pm
    [15]

    ~~~~~~~~ODE TO SPHINCTER~~~~~~~~

    There once was this senile old codger,
    From the GOP he was an artful dodger,
    An escapee from the nursing home so cruel,
    May he wind up drooling in his bowl of gruel,
    This geriatric political tool.

  16. 2010 May 29 3:29 pm
    [16]

    ~~~AN ODE TO THE PITHERS~~~~

    FOR A NIGHT OF PITH THERE IS NO PARALLEL,
    BE JOHN GALT IS THE PLACE TO DWELL,
    SOMETIMES THERE IS A RAUNCHY RHYME,
    BUT OFTEN THEY ARE MORE SUBLIME,
    BUT THE END RESULT IS NON-PARIEL.

  17. 2010 May 29 3:33 pm
    [17]

    When obammer care crap hits the fan of reality,
    The political whores will face their finality,
    Their shark has been jumped,
    Their pooch has been humped ,
    Lets arrange for their permanent fatality.

  18. 2010 May 29 3:36 pm
    [18]

    McCain the vain, spouting the same old refrain,
    In the GOP’s butt he is a pain,
    When his cajones went stale ,
    And his limp willie would no longer prevail,
    The only thing left for this geriatric old fart,
    Was to whore himself like a bourbon street tart

  19. 2010 May 29 3:36 pm
    [19]
    TLS permalink

    Here’s my big entry for the night, with sincerest apologies to the Eagles and the great song “Lyin’ Eyes”

    Democrats just seem to find out early
    How to get good press with just a smile
    With Soros’ money they won’t have to worry
    Cuz he’ll buy the ads and they can run in style

    But on easy street the candidates get lazy
    I guess every form of slavery has its price
    And they break the ranks and try to do it their way
    And start recalling Vietnam and telling lies

    So they claim that they were fighting in a swift boat
    And their mode of transport got shot down
    They lie so much that they really start believing
    They were spit on after never leaving town

    Well, you can’t hide your DOD files
    And the liberal press is a thin disguise
    We thought by now you’d realize
    It ain’t good to follow in Kerry’s lies

    On the November ballot the Republicans are waiting
    With fiery eyes and dreams of a House steal
    They fight through the primaries anticipating
    To be in power and feel the way they used to feel

    They rush to Tea Parties saying “we’re with you”
    But whisper that it’s only for awhile
    They swear that soon Conservatism’s comin’ back forever
    Then go back to DC and make deals with the vile

    You can’t hide your liberal wiles
    And your “R” is a thin disguise
    We thought by now you’d realize
    There ain’t no way to hide your progressive ties

    An uprising’s coming and it’s gonna be a strong one
    Anger with their BS is on the rise
    Two more years, they’re gonna be some long ones
    But we won’t stop until the Progressive movement dies

    We wonder how it ever got this crazy
    The founders wrote it right and gave us all the tools
    Did we get busy or did we just get lazy?
    The country’s dying and we’ve elected fools

    My, oh my, the founders sure knew how to arrange things
    They set it up so well, so carefully
    It ain’t funny how the Progressives want to change things
    Are we still the same old patriots we used to be?

    We can’t hide our anger’s rise
    And your hide will be our prize
    We thought by now you’d realize
    There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes

  20. 2010 May 29 3:36 pm
    [20]
    JustMary permalink

    Illegals fleeing Arizona
    Bleeding heart Liberals cry
    They must resent enforcement of law
    And Jan Brewer for that thumb in their eye!

  21. 2010 May 29 3:39 pm
    [21]
    JustMary permalink

    I could even change that to “they must resent current federal law”…..

  22. 2010 May 29 3:41 pm
    [22]
    TLS permalink

    3 pm is a little early for beer
    but alas, don’t have any fear
    I’ll drink if I must
    It’s rhyming or bust
    I just wish the whole gang were here

  23. 2010 May 29 3:43 pm
    [23]
    TLS permalink

    where’s JR??

  24. 2010 May 29 3:43 pm
    [24]
    JustMary permalink

    #22 Beer here too! Cheers to our absentee poets!

  25. 2010 May 29 3:43 pm
    [25]
    JustMary permalink

    He might make it, we’ll see. He is super busy today.

  26. 2010 May 29 3:53 pm
    [26]
    JustMary permalink

    RWY and MFG
    Two patriots with different views
    Makes me so sad to see
    Themselves from this board excuse
    Even a dickwad is a friend in times of trouble
    If in your foxhole he dwells
    Even if his aim isn’t as good as yours
    You’ll still hear the clanging of shells
    He’ll fight along side you
    True to the end
    So burn not the bridge, I plead, my friends

  27. 2010 May 29 3:58 pm
    [27]
    TLS permalink

    The press corpse has some rose colored glasses
    The thickest I’ve seen, in fact
    Or else they’d recognize all the asses
    As the ones hanging off their own backs

  28. 2010 May 29 4:19 pm
    [28]
    janzam permalink

    Nice one JM, #26!

  29. 2010 May 29 4:29 pm
    [29]
    JustMary permalink

    Thanks, Jan!

  30. 2010 May 29 4:45 pm
    [30]
    TLS permalink

    Don’t ask, don’t tell
    Has quickly become the Democrats hell
    Dickwad in the foxhole doesn’t want to know
    But the liberal hypocrites won’t let it go
    I feel for the boys who protect our nation
    Now that GI means genital information

  31. 2010 May 29 4:51 pm
    [31]
    retlaw permalink

    Doin’ the NJ Rap

    Jon Corzine’s at the bar
    with his gangsta whores
    Chris Christie bursts in
    through the swingin’ doors.

    With a Tasty Cake dangling
    in each holster
    Glazed donuts in his hands
    his weight to bolster.

    I’m here to tell you, Jon
    that I’m not trippin’
    People had enough of Dems
    so this state we’re flippin’.

    We’re gonna give you a beat down
    We’re here to warn ya
    Won’t let you take us down that road
    Like California.

    The election was held,
    Results are history,
    Chris Christie took the reins
    Ends Garden State misery.

    The D’rats hollered loud
    When he froze the budget,
    Had to redo Jon’s math
    Seems Corzine ‘d fudged it.

    He overcame death threats
    By New Jersey teachers,
    Shook up state government
    Added positive features.

    Just put it on your e-mails,
    Send it out on your faxes,
    Thanks to Christie’s hard work,
    There’ll be no new taxes.

    Said Christie, “I think
    We’re gonna be fine”
    I done fixed this mess
    Left by Jon Corzine.

    But the legislature says
    “Raise taxes on rich folk”
    But Christie says he’ll veto
    Says the bill’s a big joke.

    From Wildwood to Trenton,
    Atlantic City, Cape May
    It was Chubby Chris Christie
    Who had the plan of the day.

    We gotta keep his strength up,
    For each additional battle.
    Christie doesn’t think as well,
    When his tummy starts to rattle.

    He’s turning the nightmare
    Into an NJ dream.
    Buy the man another box
    Of those sweet Krispie Kremes.

    Call Christie what you want,
    A loser or a winner.
    You can call him many things
    But not late for dinner.

  32. 2010 May 29 5:01 pm
    [32]
    conservativetony permalink

    Pithy poetry night
    oh what a delight
    sorry I can’t stay
    But I need my pay
    And selling cars OS outta sight

  33. 2010 May 29 5:03 pm
    [33]
    JustMary permalink

    As always, a stunning late entry from retlaw! That was awesome!

  34. 2010 May 29 5:05 pm
    [34]
    JustMary permalink

    CT! Cheers!

  35. 2010 May 29 5:17 pm
    [35]
    JustMary permalink

    Christie sure has what it takes
    When push does come to shove
    I know we joke that he’s a big man
    But there’s just more of him to love

  36. 2010 May 29 5:18 pm
    [36]
    conservativetony permalink

    Hi jm
    I miss you guys 🙁

  37. 2010 May 29 5:20 pm
    [37]
    TLS permalink

    We miss you too, CT!!!!!!

  38. 2010 May 29 5:20 pm
    [38]
    JustMary permalink

    We miss you too! Hope all is well.

  39. 2010 May 29 5:25 pm
    [39]
    TLS permalink

    nicely done, retlaw!!!
    nicely done!

  40. 2010 May 29 5:33 pm
    [40]

    Retlaw was his name,
    A hetero palindrome was his game,
    As a doppleganger of Walter,
    he gives us pause to falter,
    Upon whom do we bestow this acclaim?

  41. 2010 May 29 5:36 pm
    [41]

    TLS/RETLAW/JM/ ET AL~~~~~Others smiley face

  42. 2010 May 29 5:36 pm
    [42]
    retlaw permalink

    Have friends over for cookout on the deck.

    Unable yet to read all the entries tonight. Have to do that after the guests are all gone. I am sure I won’t be disappointed in the fine shared talents of the BJG gang.

  43. 2010 May 29 5:37 pm
    [43]
    conservativetony permalink

    I got out of IT and got a new job selling cars. It’s still pretty new to me so I’m beat at the end of the day.

  44. 2010 May 29 5:37 pm
    [44]
    retlaw permalink

    What he’s doing in new Jersey
    makes Democrats nervous,
    Cause they just don’t understand
    government service.

    NJ’s shape and Chris’ weight
    a very odd connection,
    the more pounds that Chris adds
    the better his state’s direction.

    The more he puts New Jersey
    on financially stable ground
    The more he eats–the more he weighs
    the bigger he gets “around”.

    His strength is a waning
    get some food to him–please,
    He want’s a double burger
    add bacon and some cheese.

    When you’re serving Chris his food,
    be careful not to linger
    the last waitress served him,
    he bit off her finger.

    From Jersey City to Vineland,
    and from Camden to Passaic
    He’s a junk food junkie
    and a fiscal manic.

  45. 2010 May 29 5:43 pm
    [45]
    retlaw permalink

    Turning Jersey finances around
    from a famine to a feast.
    Just add AZ’s illegal laws
    You’ll be the beast of the east.

  46. 2010 May 29 5:46 pm
    [46]

    Where are the pithers for tonights renditions?
    Perhaps they’ve run out of political munitions,
    Most are too old to be chasing the tail,
    Hopefully they will eschew the san Quentin quail,
    Let us withhold our pre mature admonitions.

  47. 2010 May 29 5:49 pm
    [47]
    mulletover permalink

    On to the scene of political fakes
    Came the real deal muncher of tasty cakes
    Christie’s good government pledge
    Gave him the keen edge
    To rid us of all the tax-raising rakes.

  48. 2010 May 29 5:54 pm
    [48]

    THERE ONCE WAS A MULLET QUITE CONTRARY,
    HID UNDER THE MOSS, ALWAYS WARY,
    THE DITCH CARP OF THE LEFT WITH SUCKER SNOUT,
    WERE ALWAYS ON THE PROWL MUCKING ABOUT,
    TO THEIR GOOD FORTUNE THEY NEVER CALLED HIM OUT.

  49. 2010 May 29 5:58 pm
    [49]
    mulletover permalink

    IP with a flag quite inverted
    Some would say he’s a little perverted
    But with liberals there is no doubt
    It’s into the ring for a bloody bout
    Then they are doomed, or at times converted.

  50. 2010 May 29 6:00 pm
    [50]
    JustMary permalink

    #46

    Tis Saturday night on a vacay weekend
    That keeps our dear Galters at bay
    For some this means work for a roof ore their heads
    For some this means beer pong and play
    Hope they all join us later, till then we say cheers
    As we rhyme here without them, sitting on our big rears !

  51. 2010 May 29 6:02 pm
    [51]

    Christie the frisky the MSM’S bete noir,
    He would just as soon use them as a cuspidor,
    Much to their chagrin,it only elicits a grin,
    Whenever these ditchcarp try to spin,
    He shows them the way to the abattoir.

  52. 2010 May 29 6:13 pm
    [52]

    MULLET Drinks smiley face

  53. 2010 May 29 6:21 pm
    [53]
    JustMary permalink

    lol IP

  54. 2010 May 29 6:44 pm
    [54]
    mulletover permalink

    Christie came in, said taxes are too high.
    I’ll take care of them after this piece of pie

    Spending no doubt, down we cram
    After I finish this leg of lamb

    I’ll move them out, this liberal crew
    But first, I will devour this bowl of stew

    The union bosses are a troublesome bunch
    I think I will steak and eggs for lunch

    With a waistline of legendary dimensions
    I have only one magnificent intention

    To put this state on a straight and narrow line
    But only after this pie of key lime.

  55. 2010 May 29 6:54 pm
    [55]
    CheshireCat permalink

    Well after all, Barack Obama, he’s an ordinary socialist fascist man
    Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance
    To make all people live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants…
    An average socialist fascist man is he, of no especially clever whim
    Who likes to control everyone’s life, free of strife
    With everyone supinely doing whatever he thinks is best, for him
    Well… just an ordinary socialistic fascist man…

    BUT!

    Let some protesters be allowed to speak out against his grand controlling schemes and his serenity is through
    They’ll protest his grand plans, from the cellar to the dome
    And then go on to the enthralling fun of piece by piece eviscerating him…

  56. 2010 May 29 7:13 pm
    [56]
    TLS permalink

    #54 now that is GREAT “use of theme”!!!!!

  57. 2010 May 29 7:27 pm
    [57]
    mulletover permalink

    Thankee,
    Thankee

  58. 2010 May 29 7:35 pm
    [58]

    mullet wins

  59. 2010 May 29 7:49 pm
    [59]
    JustMary permalink

    I love it, Mullet!

  60. 2010 May 29 7:50 pm
    [60]
    mulletover permalink

    Nay, I was late to the party, and my body of work is too limited.

    I vote JustMary the winner.

  61. 2010 May 29 7:52 pm
    [61]
    retlaw permalink

    TLS (#19)

    FINE WORK!!!

    One of my favorite tunes also.

    TLS’s entry gets my vote.

    A lot of hard work went in to that long ditty.
    The effort “T” put in just makes me giddy.
    I’d love to hear it sung by Conway Twitty,
    Who’d sound a lot better than if sung by P-Diddy.
    TLS’ fine entry is wordy and witty,
    So give TLS the pot, slide over the kitty.

  62. 2010 May 29 7:59 pm
    [62]
    retlaw permalink

    Friends all gone home now and everything cleaned up.

    Reclining on the deck, sipping peach sangria and for a second dessert have digested the tasty offerings by the BJG gang.

    Kudos to all the poets tonight!!! And enjoy the rest of the long weekend holiday. Be careful out there…

  63. 2010 May 29 8:00 pm
    [63]
    JustMary permalink

    Oh man…..this one is tough to call.

  64. 2010 May 29 8:22 pm
    [64]
    TLS permalink

    #58 ditto

  65. 2010 May 29 8:24 pm
    [65]
    TLS permalink

    #61 why thx! 😳

  66. 2010 May 29 8:52 pm
    [66]

    retlaw wins…hands down

  67. 2010 May 29 9:02 pm
    [67]
    JustMary permalink

    My favorites of the night:

    12
    19
    31
    47
    54
    55

    I’m finding it tough to choose.

  68. 2010 May 29 9:21 pm
    [68]
    JustMary permalink

    I am leaning towards Mullet for the win with 54. So he will receive the book! However, TLS was most impressive with #19, so she will receive a pocket Constitution and Declaration. I ordered them after the last poetry night and they still are not here, so I assume they are on backorder. When they show up, she and IP will both see them arrive in the mail. 😀

    Does the crowd agree, or is a vote in order?

  69. 2010 May 30 5:12 am
    [69]

    Good choice, but all were exemplary,walter/retlaw should receive a something.

  70. 2010 May 30 8:02 am
    [70]
    mulletover permalink

    The mulletfish is so humbled. In the face of such literary excellence, I am not worthy. (tears and shaking uncontrollably**sniff, sniff**gathers himself for more speechifying)

    Thankee, thankee.

    All of the offerings were excellent tonight, and JustMary was loaded right from the start to entertain us and inspire us. This site is a wonderful place for us to both learn and vent. I’d go stir-crazy in this upside-down world if I could not be here often.

    God Bless you all on this Memorial Day weekend. Remember our fallen heroes, and all those who served.

  71. 2010 May 30 8:19 am
    [71]
    TLS permalink

    #69 yes, retlaw was definately award worthy!!!

  72. 2010 May 30 11:14 am
    [72]
    retlaw permalink

    The Mullet is most worthy.

    Good choice, JM. : )

  73. 2010 May 30 11:19 am
    [73]
    JustMary permalink

    Retlaw, they are correct, yours is prize worthy as well, so when the elusive pocket Constitution/Declarations arrive, one will be sent to you as well!

  74. 2010 May 30 11:55 am
    [74]
    retlaw permalink

    Thanks, JM.

    I am most appreciative.

    Glad that you and others enjoyed my poetic offering(s)last night as much as I enjoyed putting them together. Pithy Poetry night is good therapy–like a creative “steam release” that helps to cleanse the soul. Sorry that some of the regulars were AWOL. I truly missed them.

    Fly the flag this Memorial Day weekend when we honor the fallen and those who have preceded us. (Will IP’s flag be upside down?)

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