Pithy Poetry Night
Welcome once again to Pithy Poetry Night here at BJG! Tonight’s theme is “All things Chris Christie”, although if you don’t stick to the theme, no imaginary points will be deducted from your imaginary score. Will there be a prize again tonight? Yes! Tonight’s winner will receive a copy of the book “Setting the Record Straight: American History in Black & White”. If you watched Glenn Beck’s show yesterday, you will understand why I chose this book!
As always…feel free to re-cycle stuff you’ve written here or elsewhere as well as fresh snarkiness based on all the splendiferousness of life under Barry’s gentle boot. Enjoy! (oh…and please don’t use words that rhyme with “Duck!”…or at least not ONE word that does). 
Please bow your heads for the benediction, which I will do with a sad heart in MFG’s absence.
[1]
My children
Bow your heads, hold high your tasty cakes, and repeat after me:
Our Obama
Who art in Washington
Hallowed be thy name
Thy corruption come
Thy fraud be done
In Washington as it is in Illinois
Give us this day our welfare check
And forgive us our Christianity
As we forgive those who have decency or ethics
And lead us not into integrity
But deliver us from honesty, amen
(You are missed, MFG)
[2]
Dear Chris Christie
I’m your fan
Kick those unions
In the can!
[3]
Rita Wilson wanted cash
Her whining gave Christie a rash
He put her in her place right quick
Just like he does a fried drumstick! (Get in mah belly!)
[4]
Christie’s the man of the hour
He certainly isn’t a dove
And as long as you don’t run a union
Well hey, there’s just more to love
Except maybe “refreshing and honest”
He’s been called every name in the book
‘Cause the unions just can’t figure out
How to deal with a man who isn’t a crook
It’s true that he throws weight around
He doesn’t roll over at all
His HUGE work for the state of New Jersey
Sure makes the rest of him seem very small
[5]
Rather than a poem, I thought I would offer a song. This particular ballad drudged from the past fits perfectly as the WH Press Corps theme song. –
[6]
Tasty cakes and deep fried love
Christie is a great gift from above
Good sport is he when tone is questioned
Reporters sure to learn a lesson
He’ll clean up that state, to be sure
Though union wrath he will endure
He’s on a roll and that’s no secret
Let’s just hope that he can keep it!
[7]
Punching hippies in the face
I’m glad Christie is in this race
He’s sure to win
Hope others follow
Less liberal crap
We’ll have to swallow!
[8]
There once was a governor named christie,
He was definitely not part of the limp wristy,
While the lefties were busy giving catcalls,
He nonetheless had them by the balls,
And upon their graves he will do the twisty.
[9]
Ode to Arlen Specter
The Republican defector
You made your bed
Your career is dead
‘Cause the voters hit the ejector
[10]
Obama’s sure concerned about the Gulf
That hole has got him just beside himself
It’s taking up his time and concentration
If fact, he’ll need to book another vacation
It’s all just a simple matter of control
And if he can’t get it done, heads will roll
But before you start in calling him Adolf
Keep in mind, he thought that you said GOLF!
[11]
Oil spilled and green was silent
While bloggers held the role defiant
Voting present saved no ocean
And no amount of self promotion
Will undo the damage done
To the environment, and to “the won”
[12]
Some thought of him as one of the wingnuts,
Or just a muncher of the doughnuts,
But the rotund one from New jersey,
Whom some may have called an overstuffed guernsey,
Had them by their numbnuts.
[13]
Clinton made a call or two
First for a woman in a dress of blue
Now he’s calling on Sestak
To pony up and join the pack
Of those this country truly needs
Folks with strong pads for their knees!
heh
[14]
Clinton’s rescuing Blanche Lincoln
Clinton’s taking Barry’s fall
The Demonrats were done with him
But they sure knew who to call
[15]
~~~~~~~~ODE TO SPHINCTER~~~~~~~~
There once was this senile old codger,
From the GOP he was an artful dodger,
An escapee from the nursing home so cruel,
May he wind up drooling in his bowl of gruel,
This geriatric political tool.
[16]
~~~AN ODE TO THE PITHERS~~~~
FOR A NIGHT OF PITH THERE IS NO PARALLEL,
BE JOHN GALT IS THE PLACE TO DWELL,
SOMETIMES THERE IS A RAUNCHY RHYME,
BUT OFTEN THEY ARE MORE SUBLIME,
BUT THE END RESULT IS NON-PARIEL.
[17]
When obammer care crap hits the fan of reality,
The political whores will face their finality,
Their shark has been jumped,
Their pooch has been humped ,
Lets arrange for their permanent fatality.
[18]
McCain the vain, spouting the same old refrain,
In the GOP’s butt he is a pain,
When his cajones went stale ,
And his limp willie would no longer prevail,
The only thing left for this geriatric old fart,
Was to whore himself like a bourbon street tart
[19]
Here’s my big entry for the night, with sincerest apologies to the Eagles and the great song “Lyin’ Eyes”
Democrats just seem to find out early
How to get good press with just a smile
With Soros’ money they won’t have to worry
Cuz he’ll buy the ads and they can run in style
But on easy street the candidates get lazy
I guess every form of slavery has its price
And they break the ranks and try to do it their way
And start recalling Vietnam and telling lies
So they claim that they were fighting in a swift boat
And their mode of transport got shot down
They lie so much that they really start believing
They were spit on after never leaving town
Well, you can’t hide your DOD files
And the liberal press is a thin disguise
We thought by now you’d realize
It ain’t good to follow in Kerry’s lies
On the November ballot the Republicans are waiting
With fiery eyes and dreams of a House steal
They fight through the primaries anticipating
To be in power and feel the way they used to feel
They rush to Tea Parties saying “we’re with you”
But whisper that it’s only for awhile
They swear that soon Conservatism’s comin’ back forever
Then go back to DC and make deals with the vile
You can’t hide your liberal wiles
And your “R” is a thin disguise
We thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your progressive ties
An uprising’s coming and it’s gonna be a strong one
Anger with their BS is on the rise
Two more years, they’re gonna be some long ones
But we won’t stop until the Progressive movement dies
We wonder how it ever got this crazy
The founders wrote it right and gave us all the tools
Did we get busy or did we just get lazy?
The country’s dying and we’ve elected fools
My, oh my, the founders sure knew how to arrange things
They set it up so well, so carefully
It ain’t funny how the Progressives want to change things
Are we still the same old patriots we used to be?
We can’t hide our anger’s rise
And your hide will be our prize
We thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes
[20]
Illegals fleeing Arizona
Bleeding heart Liberals cry
They must resent enforcement of law
And Jan Brewer for that thumb in their eye!
[21]
I could even change that to “they must resent current federal law”…..
[22]
3 pm is a little early for beer
but alas, don’t have any fear
I’ll drink if I must
It’s rhyming or bust
I just wish the whole gang were here
[23]
where’s JR??
[24]
#22 Beer here too! Cheers to our absentee poets!
[25]
He might make it, we’ll see. He is super busy today.
[26]
RWY and MFG
Two patriots with different views
Makes me so sad to see
Themselves from this board excuse
Even a dickwad is a friend in times of trouble
If in your foxhole he dwells
Even if his aim isn’t as good as yours
You’ll still hear the clanging of shells
He’ll fight along side you
True to the end
So burn not the bridge, I plead, my friends
[27]
The press corpse has some rose colored glasses
The thickest I’ve seen, in fact
Or else they’d recognize all the asses
As the ones hanging off their own backs
[28]
Nice one JM, #26!
[29]
Thanks, Jan!
[30]
Don’t ask, don’t tell
Has quickly become the Democrats hell
Dickwad in the foxhole doesn’t want to know
But the liberal hypocrites won’t let it go
I feel for the boys who protect our nation
Now that GI means genital information
[31]
Doin’ the NJ Rap
Jon Corzine’s at the bar
with his gangsta whores
Chris Christie bursts in
through the swingin’ doors.
With a Tasty Cake dangling
in each holster
Glazed donuts in his hands
his weight to bolster.
I’m here to tell you, Jon
that I’m not trippin’
People had enough of Dems
so this state we’re flippin’.
We’re gonna give you a beat down
We’re here to warn ya
Won’t let you take us down that road
Like California.
The election was held,
Results are history,
Chris Christie took the reins
Ends Garden State misery.
The D’rats hollered loud
When he froze the budget,
Had to redo Jon’s math
Seems Corzine ‘d fudged it.
He overcame death threats
By New Jersey teachers,
Shook up state government
Added positive features.
Just put it on your e-mails,
Send it out on your faxes,
Thanks to Christie’s hard work,
There’ll be no new taxes.
Said Christie, “I think
We’re gonna be fine”
I done fixed this mess
Left by Jon Corzine.
But the legislature says
“Raise taxes on rich folk”
But Christie says he’ll veto
Says the bill’s a big joke.
From Wildwood to Trenton,
Atlantic City, Cape May
It was Chubby Chris Christie
Who had the plan of the day.
We gotta keep his strength up,
For each additional battle.
Christie doesn’t think as well,
When his tummy starts to rattle.
He’s turning the nightmare
Into an NJ dream.
Buy the man another box
Of those sweet Krispie Kremes.
Call Christie what you want,
A loser or a winner.
You can call him many things
But not late for dinner.
[32]
Pithy poetry night
oh what a delight
sorry I can’t stay
But I need my pay
And selling cars OS outta sight
[33]
As always, a stunning late entry from retlaw! That was awesome!
[34]
CT! Cheers!
[35]
Christie sure has what it takes
When push does come to shove
I know we joke that he’s a big man
But there’s just more of him to love
[36]
Hi jm
I miss you guys
[37]
We miss you too, CT!!!!!!
[38]
We miss you too! Hope all is well.
[39]
nicely done, retlaw!!!
nicely done!
[40]
Retlaw was his name,
A hetero palindrome was his game,
As a doppleganger of Walter,
he gives us pause to falter,
Upon whom do we bestow this acclaim?
[41]
TLS/RETLAW/JM/ ET AL~~~~~
[42]
Have friends over for cookout on the deck.
Unable yet to read all the entries tonight. Have to do that after the guests are all gone. I am sure I won’t be disappointed in the fine shared talents of the BJG gang.
[43]
I got out of IT and got a new job selling cars. It’s still pretty new to me so I’m beat at the end of the day.
[44]
What he’s doing in new Jersey
makes Democrats nervous,
Cause they just don’t understand
government service.
NJ’s shape and Chris’ weight
a very odd connection,
the more pounds that Chris adds
the better his state’s direction.
The more he puts New Jersey
on financially stable ground
The more he eats–the more he weighs
the bigger he gets “around”.
His strength is a waning
get some food to him–please,
He want’s a double burger
add bacon and some cheese.
When you’re serving Chris his food,
be careful not to linger
the last waitress served him,
he bit off her finger.
From Jersey City to Vineland,
and from Camden to Passaic
He’s a junk food junkie
and a fiscal manic.
[45]
Turning Jersey finances around
from a famine to a feast.
Just add AZ’s illegal laws
You’ll be the beast of the east.
[46]
Where are the pithers for tonights renditions?
Perhaps they’ve run out of political munitions,
Most are too old to be chasing the tail,
Hopefully they will eschew the san Quentin quail,
Let us withhold our pre mature admonitions.
[47]
On to the scene of political fakes
Came the real deal muncher of tasty cakes
Christie’s good government pledge
Gave him the keen edge
To rid us of all the tax-raising rakes.
[48]
THERE ONCE WAS A MULLET QUITE CONTRARY,
HID UNDER THE MOSS, ALWAYS WARY,
THE DITCH CARP OF THE LEFT WITH SUCKER SNOUT,
WERE ALWAYS ON THE PROWL MUCKING ABOUT,
TO THEIR GOOD FORTUNE THEY NEVER CALLED HIM OUT.
[49]
IP with a flag quite inverted
Some would say he’s a little perverted
But with liberals there is no doubt
It’s into the ring for a bloody bout
Then they are doomed, or at times converted.
[50]
#46
Tis Saturday night on a vacay weekend
That keeps our dear Galters at bay
For some this means work for a roof ore their heads
For some this means beer pong and play
Hope they all join us later, till then we say cheers
As we rhyme here without them, sitting on our big rears !
[51]
Christie the frisky the MSM’S bete noir,
He would just as soon use them as a cuspidor,
Much to their chagrin,it only elicits a grin,
Whenever these ditchcarp try to spin,
He shows them the way to the abattoir.
[52]
MULLET
[53]
lol IP
[54]
Christie came in, said taxes are too high.
I’ll take care of them after this piece of pie
Spending no doubt, down we cram
After I finish this leg of lamb
I’ll move them out, this liberal crew
But first, I will devour this bowl of stew
The union bosses are a troublesome bunch
I think I will steak and eggs for lunch
With a waistline of legendary dimensions
I have only one magnificent intention
To put this state on a straight and narrow line
But only after this pie of key lime.
[55]
Well after all, Barack Obama, he’s an ordinary socialist fascist man
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance
To make all people live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants…
An average socialist fascist man is he, of no especially clever whim
Who likes to control everyone’s life, free of strife
With everyone supinely doing whatever he thinks is best, for him
Well… just an ordinary socialistic fascist man…
BUT!
Let some protesters be allowed to speak out against his grand controlling schemes and his serenity is through
They’ll protest his grand plans, from the cellar to the dome
And then go on to the enthralling fun of piece by piece eviscerating him…
[56]
#54 now that is GREAT “use of theme”!!!!!
[57]
Thankee,
Thankee
[58]
mullet wins
[59]
I love it, Mullet!
[60]
Nay, I was late to the party, and my body of work is too limited.
I vote JustMary the winner.
[61]
TLS (#19)
FINE WORK!!!
One of my favorite tunes also.
TLS’s entry gets my vote.
A lot of hard work went in to that long ditty.
The effort “T” put in just makes me giddy.
I’d love to hear it sung by Conway Twitty,
Who’d sound a lot better than if sung by P-Diddy.
TLS’ fine entry is wordy and witty,
So give TLS the pot, slide over the kitty.
[62]
Friends all gone home now and everything cleaned up.
Reclining on the deck, sipping peach sangria and for a second dessert have digested the tasty offerings by the BJG gang.
Kudos to all the poets tonight!!! And enjoy the rest of the long weekend holiday. Be careful out there…
[63]
Oh man…..this one is tough to call.
[64]
#58 ditto
[65]
#61 why thx!
[66]
retlaw wins…hands down
[67]
My favorites of the night:
12
19
31
47
54
55
I’m finding it tough to choose.
[68]
I am leaning towards Mullet for the win with 54. So he will receive the book! However, TLS was most impressive with #19, so she will receive a pocket Constitution and Declaration. I ordered them after the last poetry night and they still are not here, so I assume they are on backorder. When they show up, she and IP will both see them arrive in the mail.
Does the crowd agree, or is a vote in order?
[69]
Good choice, but all were exemplary,walter/retlaw should receive a something.
[70]
The mulletfish is so humbled. In the face of such literary excellence, I am not worthy. (tears and shaking uncontrollably**sniff, sniff**gathers himself for more speechifying)
Thankee, thankee.
All of the offerings were excellent tonight, and JustMary was loaded right from the start to entertain us and inspire us. This site is a wonderful place for us to both learn and vent. I’d go stir-crazy in this upside-down world if I could not be here often.
God Bless you all on this Memorial Day weekend. Remember our fallen heroes, and all those who served.
[71]
#69 yes, retlaw was definately award worthy!!!
[72]
The Mullet is most worthy.
Good choice, JM. : )
[73]
Retlaw, they are correct, yours is prize worthy as well, so when the elusive pocket Constitution/Declarations arrive, one will be sent to you as well!
[74]
Thanks, JM.
I am most appreciative.
Glad that you and others enjoyed my poetic offering(s)last night as much as I enjoyed putting them together. Pithy Poetry night is good therapy–like a creative “steam release” that helps to cleanse the soul. Sorry that some of the regulars were AWOL. I truly missed them.
Fly the flag this Memorial Day weekend when we honor the fallen and those who have preceded us. (Will IP’s flag be upside down?)