Stanley Cup Finals Begin Tonight
Tonight the most solemn time in professional sports begins – the Stanley Cup Finals. This year’s finals are different as the eighth seed in the Western Conference (JM’s Los Angeles Kings) face off against the sixth seed in the Eastern Conference (New Jersey Devils) in beautiful Newark.
JM is somewhat of a novice to the game (aka jumped aboard the band wagon late, after her Clippers went down in flames). Since hockey is the only winter sport left in the LA area, we have developed this primer especially for her.
The Cup – Winning the Stanley Cup is what it is all about (aboot if your a Canadian or Canadien if you’re a French Canadien). The Stanley Cup is unique as it has the name of every member of every winning team inscribed on it.
They just keep adding layers to the base.
JM’s Stanley Cup Primer
1. It’s played on ice.
2. 98% of the players are honkys. They do not typically have 5-10 or more illegitimate kids spread around North America, which just might have something to do with them being honkys.
3. Only one point for a goal. No two point shots or three point plays.
4. You don’t get a penalty just for breathing on another player, unlike some other professional “sports.”
5. All 60 minutes plus overtime are important, not just the last five minutes of regulation play and overtime.
6. The main job of the referees is NOT to make sure the game is close going into the final period.
7. There are three periods in regulation time.
8. If you “hot dog” too much, somebody on the other team will tear your head off (or at least put 20 stitches in it). Hockey players “get in your face” with their fists, not their mouths.
9. No shuckin’ and jivin’; in fact, shuckin’ and jivin’ usually results in a game misconduct.
10. The Kings are the ones wearing black and white uniforms.
My prediction for the Cup winners:
The Kings – they have better forward lines.