This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 6/14/2012 Edition
Comrades, it is with sadness that we here at the Ministry of Truth must report a setback in the war against Crawford, Texas. The forces of darkness that the nefarious George W. Bush has marshalled there, launched a vicious counter-attack against our brave workers…leading to an “up-tick” in the New Claims for Unemployment number. It “up-ticked” 6,000 to 386,000 from
377,000 380,000. [Note: please report any friends/family/co-workers who claim it was NOT already 380,000…they are either deluded or are themselves agents of the “W-Brigade“]
This is only a minor and temporary setback in our Dear Leader’s war against “W” and, or course, EastAsia
Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia (whom we have always been at war with)! In fact, it may not be a setback at all!! As our splendid Comrades at the A/P reported:
More Americans sought unemployment aid last week, suggesting hiring remains sluggish.
You see? It is only a “suggestion“!! Like when a waiter “suggests” a particular item on the menu…but you can simply IGNORE the suggestion, and that is what we here at the Ministry of Truth SUGGEST you do: ignore the suggestion that there is bad news!!! [If you need help ignoring the “suggestion” that there could even POSSIBLY be bad news in the Age of Obama, please contact the Department of Proctological Education (DOPE)…they should be able to, um, help]
This week’s Public Service Announcement:
Cher‘s mom looks great, doesn’t she? We know this because Yahoo “News” featured Cher’s mom at the top of their “News Roundup” all last weekend! You see? That should convince even the dimmest of bulbs out that there was NO bad news last week…else why would THAT have been THE top news item? Duh!