This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 11/23/2012 Edition

2012 November 23
by justrand

The Ministry of Truth was closed for Thanksgiving…but TRUTH! ™ lives on. Thus, the Ministry of Labor (aka: ‘Department of Labor’) released their Weekly Unemployment Claims update for the ‘Week Ending November 17th’.  As their website helpfully points out, the data was “embargoed” until…well, you can read it yourself:

TRANSMISSION OF MATERIAL IN THIS

RELEASE IS EMBARGOED UNTIL

8:30 A.M. (EDT), THURSDAY

November 21, 2012

The Ministry of Labor uses a modified Mayan Calendar, and on THAT calendar yesterday was Thursday the 21st of November.  If your calendar shows a different date (like, the 22nd for example), you may want to consider switching to the Mayan calendar.  But we digress…

In the week ending November 17, the figure for seasonally (parsley and sage) adjusted initial claims was 410,000, a decrease of 29,000 41,000 from the previous week’s revised figure of 439,000 451,000. The 4-week moving average was 396,250…   [AWESOME NEWS, since it is only numbers BIGGER than the ‘4-week moving average’ (whatever it is) that are bad.  Hence this is AWESOME!]

You may be thinking that these numbers seem “volatile” (c’mon, you were, right?).  Well, you’ll be happy to know that “Leading Economists” find these number to include “volatility” and even “extreme volatility” (As our Comrades in A/P, Reuters, NY Times, et al reported).   It is truly coincidental that all the major sources of TRUTH! found “Leading Economists” who used the word “volatility” to describe these numbers…so they must be VOLATILE! (’cause they would never ever collude)

Hence you should just not worry your pretty little heads about these VOLATILE numbers…and worry instead about “Superstorm Sandy” (the apparent source of the “volatility“) and, of course, EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia, whom we have always been at war with.

This week’s Public Service Announcement

PLEASE remember that Ambassador Susan Rice is (a) female and (b) a “woman of color”…thus no matter what she says you must accept it, because to NOT do so would be RACIST! and/or SEXIST! 

Also…please remember that Paul Krugman won the NOBEL PRIZE for ECONOMICS a long time ago…so no matter what HE says about anything Economic you must accept it as gospel as well.

Ya know what?  It would be better if you peasants just stopped thinking altogether!!  Clear?

16 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 23 7:03 am
    [1]
    justrand permalink

    Those of you fixated on (or even concerned with) Egypt’s president Mohammed Morsi issuing himself dictatorial powers on Thursday should REALLY be concerned with Black Friday Deals in Home, Kitchen & Garden….

    in case you WERE gonna think about Morsi’s new powers…here’s more detail:
    Moisi decreed that all decisions he has made since taking office in June and until a new constitution is adopted and a new parliament is elected sometime next year, are not subject to appeal in court or by any other authority.”

    Lord Obama, upon hearing of Morsi’s declaration, sighed, and said: “Oh to be Egyptian

  2. 2012 November 23 7:42 am
    [2]
    bc3b permalink

    Everyone knew Arab Spring would not be a good thing for the U.S., Israel and our oth allies (including Obama).

  3. 2012 November 23 7:46 am
    [3]
    bc3b permalink

    Women Rush Victoria’s Secret on Black Friday:

    http://www.kshb.com/dpp/lifestyle/holiday/black-friday-2012-rush-at-victorias-secret-pink-at-oak-park-mall-in-overland-park-kan

    That’s where Bridget is working today. Bet she is gonna have some good stories.

  4. 2012 November 23 7:47 am
    [4]

    not subject to appeal in court or by any other authority.”~~~Unless null and voided by a 9mm to the back of his head.

  5. 2012 November 23 7:49 am
    [5]
    drdog09 permalink

    Memo —
    From: ExPat
    To: MoT
    Date: 11/23/2012
    Topic: Don’t Give a Shlt

    I have renounced my citizenship. I have it on good authority the Bert Metcalf’s hacienda is up for rent — cheap. Flight is booked on Galt Airways. Seeya!

    No longer concerned citizen

  6. 2012 November 23 7:53 am
    [6]
    drdog09 permalink

    Unless null and voided by a 9mm to the back of his head. — IP

    That’s a AK-47 enhanced region of the globe. Likely a 7.62. But a good grouping to the back of the head would be sweet. That just means some other dweeb will claim the same powers….

  7. 2012 November 23 8:02 am
    [7]
    justrand permalink

    Dear “No longer concerned citizen“,

    Excellent! We at the MoT don’t WANT people to be “concerned”…just trust us implicitly! So thank you for no longer being “concerned”! 🙂

    We’re willing to overlook the rest of your missive, in the general spirit of Awesomeness that IS the Age of Obama! (but if it happens again…there may need to be punishment re-education to suppress correct it)

    Truthfully,
    Minion 9631, Awesomeness Coordinator 3rd Class
    Bowel Level 19, MoT

  8. 2012 November 23 8:20 am
    [8]
    bc3b permalink

    Bridget came home for her break at Victoria’s Secret. She said one woman had a seisure and they had to call the paramedics. The things some people will do to save $100.

  9. 2012 November 23 8:58 am
    [9]

    The same mentality that elected the obamunist.

  10. 2012 November 23 10:54 am
    [10]
    JBoz permalink

    Anyone shopping for Black Friday deals based on financial hardship, probably should reevaluate their priorities. The items on sale today are largely discretionary items. For anyone who considers themselves to be in difficult financial straits, milk, eggs and bread are where they should be spending their money, not being 52″ flat screens no matter how deeply discounted.

  11. 2012 November 23 10:56 am
    [11]
    JustMary permalink

    #10 The emergency foods I sell are deeply discounted today, just sayin. If any of you would like a link emailed to you, let me know.

  12. 2012 November 23 11:11 am
    [12]
    JustMary permalink

    Those of you who are friends with me on FB can find the link there!

  13. 2012 November 23 11:37 am
    [13]
    drdog09 permalink

    The same mentality that elected the obamunist.

    Well close but not quite. A true obamunist would be expecting the size 20 VS panties to be free. Just Sayin’.

    Bye the bye, I like the term obamunist == Obama + Communist. Fits the man to a tee. Do expect it be to stolen. Send fine to Mecalf’s residence care of general delivery.

  14. 2012 November 23 12:29 pm
    [14]

    belated: happy thanksgiving.

  15. 2012 November 23 1:35 pm
    [15]
    bc3b permalink

    MJB Players Attempt to Frontload Contracts to Avoid Obama Tax Increases:

    http://www.myfoxny.com/story/20169524/tax-increases-could-factor-in-mlb-negotiations

  16. 2012 November 23 2:39 pm
    [16]
    gnqanq permalink

    MOT – I don’t think it means what you think it means!

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