This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 11/23/2012 Edition
The Ministry of Truth was closed for Thanksgiving…but TRUTH! ™ lives on. Thus, the Ministry of Labor (aka: ‘Department of Labor’) released their Weekly Unemployment Claims update for the ‘Week Ending November 17th’. As their website helpfully points out, the data was “embargoed” until…well, you can read it yourself:
TRANSMISSION OF MATERIAL IN THIS
RELEASE IS EMBARGOED UNTIL
8:30 A.M. (EDT), THURSDAY
November 21, 2012
The Ministry of Labor uses a modified Mayan Calendar, and on THAT calendar yesterday was Thursday the 21st of November. If your calendar shows a different date (like, the 22nd for example), you may want to consider switching to the Mayan calendar. But we digress…
In the week ending November 17, the figure for seasonally (parsley and sage) adjusted initial claims was 410,000, a decrease of
29,000 41,000 from the previous week’s revised figure of 439,000 451,000. The 4-week moving average was 396,250… [AWESOME NEWS, since it is only numbers BIGGER than the ‘4-week moving average’ (whatever it is) that are bad. Hence this is AWESOME!]
You may be thinking that these numbers seem “volatile” (c’mon, you were, right?). Well, you’ll be happy to know that “Leading Economists” find these number to include “volatility” and even “extreme volatility” (As our Comrades in A/P, Reuters, NY Times, et al reported). It is truly coincidental that all the major sources of TRUTH! found “Leading Economists” who used the word “volatility” to describe these numbers…so they must be VOLATILE! (’cause they would never ever collude)
Hence you should just not worry your pretty little heads about these VOLATILE numbers…and worry instead about “Superstorm Sandy” (the apparent source of the “volatility“) and, of course,
EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia Eurasia, whom we have always been at war with. EastAsia
This week’s Public Service Announcement
PLEASE remember that Ambassador Susan Rice is (a) female and (b) a “woman of color”…thus no matter what she says you must accept it, because to NOT do so would be RACIST! and/or SEXIST!
Also…please remember that Paul Krugman won the NOBEL PRIZE for ECONOMICS a long time ago…so no matter what HE says about anything Economic you must accept it as gospel as well.
Ya know what? It would be better if you peasants just stopped thinking altogether!! Clear?