This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 11/8/2012 Edition
The Labor Department on Thursday said the number of people filing jobless claims last week swooped down to 355,000 from 363,000. This is the lowest level in a month…and would call for celebrating, except we’re stil celebrating the re-ascendency of Lord Obama to the
throne White House.
CNN attempted to throw some cold water on this (and will be “spoken with” later):
“Claims for unemployment benefits fell last week, as Hurricane Sandy led to power outages and closed offices on the East Coast and kept many people from filing claims.
That level is the lowest in a month, but economists say the fall is almost entirely due to the extreme weather conditions.”
Note that these were “economists”…not “LEADING economists” (our favorite kind). We fully expect Reuters to consult “leading economists” later, and
spin report this differently!
So we say pshaw to CNN…even if we’re not sure how to spell “pshaw” (this is the Ministry of TRUTH…not SPELLING).
Sadly, despite the overwhelming defeat of Mitt “The Monster” Romney (98.5% of America supported our Dear Leader), we do remain at war with
EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia…whom we have always been at war with.
This week’s Public Service Announcement
Although, as noted, 98.5% of America voted for Lord Obama, that still leaves 2.5% who, misguidedly, voted for “The Monster“. We need to find them and help them see the light…for their own sake!
To this end we have set up a toll-free number that any loyal Comrade can use to
rat out identify one of the 2.5%. We can then contact them and explain things to them ruthlessly gently. The number is 1-800-763-2687.
Sadly, one man already thought this was a joke, and pointed out that “7632687”, spells “Rnd-Em-Up” on the keypad. We were not amused. The gentleman in question, Fred Schmarowski, has subsequently had the truth explained to him!! And as soon as Fred recovers from the “explanation” we expect him to become a spokesperson for TRUTH!!