This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 12/06/2012 Edition

2012 December 6
by justrand

The Ministry of Truth is orgasmically proud to annouce that unemployment applications dropped 25,000 last week to a seasonally (nutmeg) adjusted 370,000.  Why? Because Lord Obama has finally chased that Republican bitch Sandy out to sea once and for all!  Huzzah!!

We KNOW SuperStorm Sandy has been the culprit all along because in a 10 paragraph article our Comrades in the A/P make SURE we know!

  • temporary spike caused by Superstorm Sandy has faded
  • applications spiked a month ago after Sandy shuttered businesses (she was a bizzy bee, eh?)
  • impact of the Sandy can still be seen in the four-week average. It rose to 408,000 last week (don’t worry…Lord Obama is SO on it!)
  • Before the storm (aka: SUPERstorm Sandy!) hit on Oct. 29…
  • The storm (HER again!) is also likely to depress November’s job figures…
  • Some analysts expect much lower job gains, roughly 25,000 to 50,000, because of Sandy
  • Without the depressive effects of Superstorm Sandy and the cliff

btw…that last quote from our A/P Comrades was in their closing paragraph:

Without the depressive effects of Superstorm Sandy and the cliff, many think employers would have added up to 200,000 jobs last month — even stronger than the solid 171,000 jobs added in October. And it would be better than the 174,000 jobs a month averaged in the July-September quarter.

many think”…in fact, so “many” think this that we can’t expect the A/P to reveal who they are…but there are “many” of ’em!  (and those of you who think that closing paragraph was shameless cheerleading…well…we really DO know who you are!!)

Throughout their article the A/P assures us multiple times that WHATEVER levels we see EVER, are “consistent with modest hiring”.  Please note that in order to participate in “modest hiring“, female job applicants should ensure that their skirt drops a minimum 2 inches below the knee, and male applicants should double-check that their fly is completely zipped up.

Lastly, although “Superstorm Sandy” appears vanquished (Huzzah!), but we remain at war with EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia, whom we have always been at war with.  …AND, “the cliff” looms!!  (see below)

This week’s Public Service Announcement

The Cliff” looms!  Despite the generous offers from Lord Obama to evil Republicans to avoid “the cliff“, those very same devils seem bent on pushing us over “the cliff“.  Here are just some of Lord Obama’s concessions/offers:

  • FOUR tickets to his Coronation Innauguration (up from two)
  • An 8 x 10 photo of Lord Obama and Empress Michelle (previously a 5 x 7 had been proposed)
  • Kneeling pads for older CongressCritters for use when in Lord Obama’s august presence
  • Ergonomic rubber-stamps for approving everything he says or does (the current stamps are awkward, at best)

And so on.  Generous to a fault…but then that typifies His Awesomeness, eh?

18 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 6 6:42 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Move to ditch the Speaker? — Now that would be a Moment of Truth if it happened.

  2. 2012 December 6 6:48 am
    justrand permalink

    drdog, but ditch Boehner in favor of whom? (who?)

    Paul Ryan? He is sharp as can be, but is he a bare-knuckles brawler? ‘Cause that is what we need!

  3. 2012 December 6 6:49 am
    JustMary permalink

    This one is my new favorite!!!! hahahahaha

  4. 2012 December 6 6:55 am
    justrand permalink

    Dear JustMary,

    We here at the Ministry are pleased you are pleased! TRUTH! is, after all, always pleasing, eh?

    Minion 88.3/kp, Truth-Miner 3rd Class
    Bowel Level 19, Ministry of Truth

  5. 2012 December 6 7:14 am
    drdog09 permalink


    Does it really matter who? The current GOP leadership seems quite content to play patty cake with a Marxist. I would propose something rather radical —

    * The Tea representatives in the House band together and depose Boehner.
    * Then a broader coalition is engaged to bring Newt Gingrich in as Speaker.

    You say how can that be, he’s not a member of Congress! Aaaaah my dear minion, read the rules of the House and the Constitution. One does not have to be a member of the Congress to be Speaker. Gingrich would not have a vote to cast, but then Speakers seldom do in any last man standing fashion to get legislation passed.

    Then go crack heads.

  6. 2012 December 6 7:16 am
    drdog09 permalink

    This guy — — runs a small business. Read what he is doing.

    Welcome to the part time working nation.

  7. 2012 December 6 7:49 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Jim DeMint has announced his intent to leave the Senate effective Jan 1.

  8. 2012 December 6 7:58 am
    mulletover permalink

    Reports say he is leaving to head the Heritage Foundation. Good move for him, a big loss for the conservative Senate.

    He was the best IMO.

    Crushed here.

  9. 2012 December 6 8:05 am
    justrand permalink

    the Ministry of Truth is proud to announce:

    from the Washington Post: The Common Core State Standards in English, which have been adopted in 46 states and the District, call for public schools to ramp up nonfiction so that by 12th grade students will be reading mostly “informational text” instead of fictional literature.

    OUT: ‘Great Expectations
    IN: “Executive Order 13423: Strengthening Federal Environmental, Energy, and Transportation Management.

  10. 2012 December 6 8:16 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Gee can we slide in the EO that authorized the NDAA???

  11. 2012 December 6 10:03 am
    bc3b permalink

    Why couldn’t some organization have stolen “Miss Lucy” away from the Senate instead? I am indeed disappointed that he’s leaving.

  12. 2012 December 6 10:05 am
    bc3b permalink

    Justrand –

    Come clean. Does Brian Williams write those Ministry of Truth posts for you? They sound very similar to nis nightly programs.

  13. 2012 December 6 10:06 am
    bc3b permalink

    Inquiring minds want to know. Have the North Koreans nuked Kalifornia yet?

  14. 2012 December 6 10:25 am

    Send them the coordinates.

  15. 2012 December 6 10:33 am
    justrand permalink

    Dear bc3b,

    In re. your inquiry: “Does Brian Williams write those Ministry of Truth posts for you?” …no, but we would be happy to have him apply for a position at the Ministry of Truth, as his “style” would fit perfectly!

    Mr. Williams and Chris Mathews (just to name two) have both taken the Ministry of Truth online course titled: “Truth? Meh“, so it is little wonder they are both so truthful!

    The course is available to all for only $13.69. Lesson One is titled: ‘Unexpectedly‘, and covers 1001 ways that word can be used to dismiss things that the peasants (i.e., YOU) shouldn’t worry their pretty little heads about anyway!

    Please let us know if you are interested, and we will rush the courseware to you via drone-strike UPS.

    Helpful-Minion 777/zipit
    Ministry of Truth, Public Affairs Dept.

  16. 2012 December 6 10:35 am
    mulletover permalink

    Send them the coordinates.

    And let them launch from Catalina Island as I am not sure they have a missile capable of traveling more than 26 miles.

  17. 2012 December 6 11:01 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Limbaugh is railing that the Dims are aiming to eliminate the GOP.

    Me. I say good. No bad deed goes unpunished, ever. So if Obama is successful in destroying the GOP something WILL replace it. There is nothing that say what succeeds the GOP is not more virulent, more conservative.

    I am willing to take the chance. So go right ahead Obammy.

  18. 2012 December 6 6:12 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #9 Crazy….and I am the kind of person who couldn’t stand fictional literature (with the VERY rare exception) until I was in my 20’s (and I still prefer historical/informational books to fiction). My son is a very reluctant reader, or was, until recently. I have started giving him different history books to read, on top of what is required for schooling- and he eats them up. I was fighting him all along, when haha- he’s just like me!

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