This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 12/13/2012 Edition

2012 December 13
by justrand

Once again the Ministry is giddy with giddiness.  The Labor Department (an unindicted co-conspirator affiliate of the Obama campaign) said Thursday that weekly applications for unemployment benefits fell 27,000 29,000 from 370,000 372,000 last week to a seasonally (ginger) adjusted 343,000.

Our beloved Comrades at the A/P call this: “a sign that the job market may be improving.”  (It may also be a sign that the world really WILL end this month…as the Mayans may or may not have predicted)

The A/P then helpfully reminds us that the only reason there was ANY bad news to begin with was: “Applications spiked five weeks ago because of Superstorm Sandy.”  And the A/P always knows best!

BLS: “Our analysis suggests that Hurricane Sandy did not substantively impact the national employment and unemployment estimates for November.”

Lastly, although “Superstorm Sandy” has finally stopped “spiking applications” (or whatever the A/P said) we do remain at war with Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia, whom we have always been at war with.  …AND, “the cliff” still looms!!

This week’s Public Service Announcement

Remember, the government (aka: the United [57] States of Obama) counts people without jobs as unemployed only if they’re actively seeking one. (i.e., if you’re not employed, but don’t try to BE employed, then you’re notunemployed“, you’re just “not employed”…and so: “Meh!”)

Therefore, in order to help further lower the ‘Unemployment Rate’ all citizens are encouraged to NOT actively seek work (and encouraged to encourage others to be “not employed” as well).  If you do not have a job (or misplace lose the one you currently have) please follow these simple instructions:

  • Sit on the couch
  • Stretch our your LEFT hand (since all good things come from the Left)
  • Moan: “Please, Lord Obama, I need stuff

“Stuff” will be provided!  And by not actively seeking work you will have lowered the unemployment rate!!  Thank you!


38 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 13 8:32 am
    JustMary permalink

    And there was much rejoicing!

  2. 2012 December 13 8:44 am
    drdog09 permalink

    “follow these simple instructions:”

    Wait! There’s WEC, IEC, SS disability to to collect too!!

  3. 2012 December 13 8:57 am
    justrand permalink

    speaking of the Maya (Mayans?)…

    yup! NASA, which failed to notice an asteroid until it passed between the Earth and the Moon last week, is certain nothing bad is gonna happen on December 21, 2012. I actually was sure nothing WAS gonna happen until their “assurance” showed up. 🙁

  4. 2012 December 13 9:13 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Oh, don’t get me started on the Mayan date thing. My wife is all in a disaster survival mode right now. Russians are a superstitious lot.

  5. 2012 December 13 9:59 am
    mulletover permalink

    I am going underground for three days. I will take the Mayans over the.
    Muslim outreach crowd.

  6. 2012 December 13 10:00 am
    mulletover permalink

    Can’t type for sh!t on this damn iPhone.

  7. 2012 December 13 10:44 am
    JustMary permalink

    #6 Tis why I don’t do much typing when I am limited to using my phone!!!!!

  8. 2012 December 13 10:45 am
    JustMary permalink

    #4 Maybe you could plan a “We survived the end of the world” party for the 22nd? Distract her a little. 😀

  9. 2012 December 13 10:51 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day. Leviticus 20:13: “if a man lays with another man he should be stoned.” We’ve been interpreting it wrong all these years.” 😉

  10. 2012 December 13 11:13 am
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “The American Dream as originally conceived was never about free healthcare, universal welfare and group rights. The American Dream, as enunciated most eloquently by Thomas Jefferson was about the ability to realize one’s own personal abilities and to be fairly rewarded for them.”
    – Anthony Wile

  11. 2012 December 13 11:26 am
    drdog09 permalink

    JM, good idea. Might give that a try!

  12. 2012 December 13 11:57 am
    drdog09 permalink

  13. 2012 December 13 12:17 pm

    In NY they would have tasered him.

  14. 2012 December 13 12:59 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Sometimes things are not what the world thinks they are (or should be).

    Congressman Tim Huelskamp from Kansas is one of the most conservative members of the House. In fact, he is so conservative that John Boehner and company kicked him off the House Ag Committee.

    Tim and his wife have four adopted children who are all black. Racist Republican.

  15. 2012 December 13 1:07 pm

    “NASA, which failed to notice an asteroid until it passed between the Earth and the Moon last week”

    That’s not their job anymore their job is to make Muslims feel better about themselves.

    I’m not worried about the Mayan calendar – more any weird gravitational anomalies the galactic alignment might cause of which I’m not all that concerned about either as I imagine people way smarter than me have looked into it and concluded no likely problems. Then again NASA and related agencies just missed an asteroid passing between us and the moon… :roll: so maybe I should’nt assume anything.

  16. 2012 December 13 1:15 pm

    12 – That was nice, so much for keeping anonymous acts of kindness anonymous.

    14 – By today’s search everywhere and twist everything into looking for faux racism yup total racist!

  17. 2012 December 13 1:17 pm

    I was laughing my arse off yesterday with regard to that Danish tennis player being called racist for her doing that amusing impression of her friend.

  18. 2012 December 13 1:34 pm
    bc3b permalink

    KH –

    Remember, only whites can be racist. All Republicans and conservatives are automatically racist.

  19. 2012 December 13 2:41 pm
    justrand permalink

    drdog: Leviticus 20:13:if a man lays with another man he should be stoned.We’ve been interpreting it wrong all these years

    LOL, my friend! 🙂

  20. 2012 December 13 3:55 pm
    TLS permalink

    #9 ROFLMAO!

  21. 2012 December 13 4:36 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Another Leftist low info voter wants the US to build the Death Star — — They already have 19000 signatures.

    Little problem tho — The US is a signatory to the Space Treaty of 1967 which forbids the deployment of offensive platforms in space. Freaking idiots.

  22. 2012 December 13 5:11 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #20 Ditto!!!!! 😆

  23. 2012 December 13 5:39 pm
    JustMary permalink

  24. 2012 December 13 5:55 pm
    JustMary permalink

    My #23 link could easily come in handy for the next MOT post! 😆

  25. 2012 December 13 6:05 pm

    Winston Smith: Does Big Brother exist?
    O’Brien: Of course he exists.
    Winston Smith: Does he exist like you or me?
    O’Brien: You do not exist. ”
    ― George Orwell

    Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

    The two aims of the Party are to conquer the whole surface of the earth and to extinguish once and for all the possiblity of independent thought. There are therefore two great problems which the Party is concerned to solve. One is how to discover against his will what another human being is thinking and the other is how to kill several hundred million people in a few seconds without giving warning beforehand.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  26. 2012 December 13 6:20 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #25 That third quote reminds me of something Obama’s buddy Bill Ayers said.

  27. 2012 December 13 6:32 pm
    justrand permalink

    all those on the Left clamoring to “TAX THE RICH!!!”….

    guess what folks? when they can’t get enough (and they CAN’T):

  28. 2012 December 13 6:43 pm
    mulletover permalink

    A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California.

    Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”

    One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800’s.” The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter.

    When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, “Just the four of you?”

    The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The rest are already there!”

  29. 2012 December 13 7:04 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    “… There are therefore two great problems which the Party is concerned to solve. One is how to discover against his will what another human being is thinking and the other is how to kill several hundred million people in a few seconds without giving warning beforehand.”

    Well I hate to say it —

    1) They have solved the latter problem, its called thermonuclear war.
    2) They have nearly solved the former as well. —

  30. 2012 December 13 7:07 pm
    drdog09 permalink


    You know what that is going to do don’t you? The Greeks are already keen to not pay the tax man and have made avoiding him a high art. This will just drive more of them underground. Jeez.

  31. 2012 December 14 2:28 am

    21 – wtf?? 19k people actually went out of their way to click that. :roll:
    BTW forget the treaty those case be broken, do any of the 19k have _any_ remote concept of how much money that would take even assuming we had the tech…meanwhile we’re borrowing ~100B a month.

    28 – That one never gets old 😉

  32. 2012 December 14 6:04 am
    drdog09 permalink

    “do any of the 19k have _any_ remote concept of how much money that would take”

    Of course they don’t KH. That’s why I pointed out the treaty angle. 😛

  33. 2012 December 14 6:17 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Bye the bye. Has anybody taken the broader view of the the whole WH online petition thing? I mean from a historical perspective? In our history since the founding, We the People generally petitioned the government through Congress.

    These WH entries smack more of the old English admonition of petitioning the Monarch.

  34. 2012 December 14 7:03 am

    33 – It’s always been from the start just a BS PR device, just a wastes of taxpayer resources, though one of the more entertaining and harmless ones. 🙂

  35. 2012 December 14 7:27 am
    drdog09 permalink

    By the way the Death Star petition reached 25K.

  36. 2012 December 14 7:34 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Very cool boring bit tech — — whether it pans out as Athur’s sword for geothermal is a different matter.

  37. 2012 December 14 7:39 am
    drdog09 permalink

  38. 2012 December 20 4:37 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    When former top U.S. military commander in Afghanistan Stanley McChrystal got called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren’t going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting Obama in his political role as President.

    “It’s not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it’s my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief,” McChrystal replied.

    Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal’s resignation, the President made a cheap parting shot. “I bet when I die you’ll be happy to piss on my grave.”

    The General saluted. “Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I’d never stand in line again.”

    Ed Schriber
    Col. USMC (Ret.)
    “Semper Fi”

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