This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 12/20/2012 Edition

2012 December 20
by justrand

A setback in the “War Against Negative Things” (WANT).

The number of Americans applying for unemployment benefits rose unexpectedly  last week by 18,000 17,000 from 343,000 344,000 to 361,000.  We say “unexpectedly” because in the Age of Obama only GOOD news is expected…and thus any news of even a slightly negative nature is “unexpected“.  Please bear that in mind when delivering bad news.  If, for example, you got drunk and drove your car into your neighbor’s living room during a re-rerun of ‘Wheel of Fortune’, you might say: “The quart of bourbon I consumed over the last 30 minutes unexpectedly made it hard to operate a motor vehicle.”   This will fully explain things to your neighbors…and you can then proceed to watch the rest of ‘Wheel of Fortune’ with them until the ObamaCare “Care Evaluators” arrive to determine whether anyone deserves care.

Still, although the Weekly Unemployment numbers appear bad, our Comrades at the A/P helpfully spin remind us that this is “consistent with a job market that continues to grow modestly.”  So remember to be modest at all times (Ladies, watch that hem-line…Gentlemen, tuck in those shirts!)

We do, of course, remain at war with EastAsia Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia , whom we have always been at war with…so please remember than as you help the Wheel of Fortune contestants determine which letters to select!

This week’s Public Service Announcement

More on our WANT (“War Against Negative Things”) campaign.  Now that Lord Obama’s butt is cemented to the throne re-election hs been completed, it is time to fully embrace the wonders of the Age of Obama, and stop focusing on (or even noticing) “negative things”.

We here at the Ministry have some helpful “tips”!

Situation: Your neighbor makes a negative comment about something Lord Obama says or does.  Solution: You cheerfully reply: “I guess it’s better than having your entrails pulled out by crazed weasels in the town square at our upcoming ObamaFest“.  See?  Immediately whatever they WERE focusing on has been replaced…and they are ready to move forward (with their mouth SHUT).

Situation: You’ve just been told by the local “Care Assessment Panel” (CAP, as in: “We’re capping your access to treatment“) that your access to medical care has been, well, capped!  Solution: You drink a quart of Jack Daniels and drive your car into your neighbor’s living room while they’re watching Wheel of Fortune.  Things then play out as we’ve described them above.

The key is to replace those (unexpectedly) negative thoughts with something even worse…like the guy who cut his hand off while operating a table-saw, and proceeded to shoot himself in the head with a nail-gun to take his mind off the pain of losing his hand!  A true pioneer!!

28 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 December 20 11:04 am
    bc3b permalink

    I take it that employment and the economy won’t be the lead story for Joseph Goebbels Junior (aka Brian Williams) on tonight’s version of the evening “news.”

    Glad to see that Kim hasn’t nuked Kalifornia yet. But if there would be a 21st century version of Sodom and Gomorrah, it would be called Kalifornia.

  2. 2012 December 20 11:27 am
    justrand permalink

    Dear bc3b,

    Your comment “I take it that employment and the economy won’t be the lead story for Joseph Goebbels Junior (aka Brian Williams) on tonight’s version of the evening “news.”” was passed along to MR. Brian Williams…and he was thrilled at the comparison (as we all knew he would be!)

    You see, in the foyer of the Ministry of Truth building is a 10 foot high statue of Joseph Goebbels…and Mr. Williams passes by it often. When told of your remark, Mr. Williams gazed wistfully at the statue and remarked: “If only!

    He sends his regards, and thanks you for the (very) flattering comparison, and wants you to know he strives every day to live up the standards set by Herr Goebbels…aka: The Master!

    Minion q77.17/x
    Bowel Level 3, Department of Public Adoration

  3. 2012 December 20 12:36 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Dear Minion (May I call you Minion?)

    I somehow thought “Mr. Williams” would take that as a compliment.

  4. 2012 December 20 2:04 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    I don’t wish to hijack this thread, but if you live in CA, IN, IL, NY get the hell out NOW!

    Government debts are accrued on your behalf by elected officials for whom you had a chance to vote, all supposedly representing your interests. In a democracy, all citizens are obliged to pay the government’s bills as determined by the duly empowered taxing authorities – regardless of whether they voted for a particular officeholder or not. What’s to stop legislators from passing laws that make debt obligations due and payable by any citizen who decides to leave for another jurisdiction? After all, they don’t hesitate to take your money when you die.

    Mayors and governors of most tax-and-spend, heavily unionized, low-growth cities and states are both desperate for revenue and tired of watching disgruntled citizens vote with their feet. Think how politically attractive it would be for them to make “economic deserters” pay their “fair share” of old debts. I can see the arguments already: “You can’t move away from credit card debt or commercial debt, so why should government debt be so easy to dodge?” Politicians could easily win kudos from both public employee unions and the overtaxed residents left behind, for the mere cost of enraging emigrants who won’t be around to exact retribution at the next election.

    And can’t you just see the progressive commentariat lining up behind a movement designed to deter well-heeled blue state residents from seeking refuge in those despicable red hinterlands? Like Glenn Close rising from the bathtub to take one more stab in Fatal Attraction, don’t be surprised when death-spiral states resort to exit taxes as a last ditch effort to forestall their impending bankruptcies.


    I heard this on Rush today running errands and at first thought it a farce. But the more I listened he was serious. I had to look up the article. Part of it is here. Read the rest at the link.

    If say the state of CA thinks it is bad now, wait till they have a bill running thru the state legislature to implement this. People will be leaving in droves and nobody, I mean nobody will enter the state. Why should they? As soon as you domiciled there they have their hooks into you when you leave even if you never voted for or agreed to the tax levies that are being imposed.

    Massive real estate crash will ensue like you have never seen before. Imagine your job takes you to Stockton CA. You buy a house. The city already has a massive bond debt. You get ready to move 2 years later as your job takes you to Texas. Stockton following CA’s lead hands you a bill itemized for bond debt assessments totalling in the thousands (you know 10, 15 year of assessment carried forward to current PV values.) The exit totally wipes you out and you have not even paid the CA exit tax yet.

    To even whisper this would be disastrous.

  5. 2012 December 20 2:09 pm

    Wait until the obamunist decides to levy a wealth tax on 401k’s.

  6. 2012 December 20 2:49 pm
    mulletover permalink

    You guys are giving Bathhouse Barry and Whorehouse Harry too many good ideas.

  7. 2012 December 20 2:58 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Wait until the obamunist decides to levy a wealth tax on 401k’s.

    They better have confiscated all the guns before they try that one….

  8. 2012 December 20 3:11 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Apple patent for pinch jesture — — declared null but under appeal.

    Personally the whole patenting gesture thing should be invalidated. Nearly every finger gesture you can think of has a predigital analog in the human realm. As such, gestures are prior art and invalidate patents on their merits.

  9. 2012 December 20 4:03 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Minion –

    I think you need to advise these people how it is the duty of every productive American to not only provide for their family but also support a non-productive family. They are not getting it.

  10. 2012 December 20 4:08 pm

    9 – All 3 up for review related to that case should be invalidated.

  11. 2012 December 20 4:12 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    11, agreed.

  12. 2012 December 20 4:39 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    When former top U.S. military commander in Afghanistan Stanley McChrystal got called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren’t going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting Obama in his political role as President.

    “It’s not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it’s my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief,” McChrystal replied.

    Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal’s resignation, the President made a cheap parting shot. “I bet when I die you’ll be happy to piss on my grave.”

    The General saluted. “Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I’d never stand in line again.”

    Ed Schriber
    Col. USMC (Ret.)
    “Semper Fi”

  13. 2012 December 20 5:14 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #8 I think that is exactly what is behind this recent gun grab. Fiscal cliff and looming economic collapse.

  14. 2012 December 20 5:20 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Boehner says no vote until after Christmas.

  15. 2012 December 20 5:23 pm

    15 – Meaning he didn’t have the votes. Epic fail.

  16. 2012 December 20 5:47 pm
    mulletover permalink

  17. 2012 December 20 6:12 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Boehner should have known the Pelosi plan was non-starter right out of the gate. His only option now is extend the bush cuts to January on a simple roll call vote then hope Dingy chokes on it. Boehner is not a good strategist and been played for a chump.

  18. 2012 December 20 6:27 pm
    mulletover permalink

    Boehner looks weak, and this bull$hit will drag on to the eleventh hour on Dec 31.

    We will get nothing, maybe a few crumbs.

  19. 2012 December 20 6:29 pm

    re:20 Indeed ->
    US House may return as soon as Dec. 27 with a new ‘fiscal cliff’ plan, senior party aide tells Reuters

    Plan C ? lol

    “Boehner is not a good strategist and been played for a chump.”

    for years now. Guy should resign (as should his underlings) but like most of them is too addicted.

  20. 2012 December 20 6:44 pm
    drdog09 permalink


    Mere observation, but I would say that if Boehner is recalling the House back it will be as much to keep the Reps from hearing the torrent of wrath from the voters as it will be to get a budget deal done.

  21. 2012 December 20 8:29 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “Dominant Social Theme: Gun control is necessary now. Too much blood has been spilled.

    Free-Market Analysis: We would be all for gun control except for two things: It doesn’t work and it seems to be part of what we call directed history. The goal is to reduce the ability of individuals to fight back against world government.

    There is almost no doubt more “controls” are on the way. This Reuters article explains how and why. Reuters is a bought-and-paid-for mouthpiece of the power elite, in our view. So when Reuters publishes an article like this, we pay attention.

    The thrust of the Reuters article is that President Barack Obama has plenty of power within the executive branch to curtail the purchase and usage of firearms.”

  22. 2012 December 20 8:53 pm
    gnqanq permalink

    Confiscation of guns is a real NO NO.

    Guns are the least of their problems. I have seen reports in the past that there are more guns than people in the U.S.. Guns really do not have an expiration point if taken care of. Guns from the 1800’s are just as deadly today as they were then.

    But the real alarming fact is BULLETS. You need bullets to make a gun work.

    From a Washington Post article November 3, 2009.

    12 BILLION bullets in 2009. UP from a NORMAL year of 7 to 10 BILLION bullets. How many bullets do you think people have stock piled? And given the last 4 years will another 4 more glorious years of this idiot. Add in the Connecticut shootings – they can not keep anything in stock.

    Think about it. They sell more bullets in a year than there are people on the planet.

    Now if DC wants to go on REAL STUPID – the American people are the most well armed army on the planet.

  23. 2012 December 20 10:27 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “Why do I need an assault rifle you ask? I don’t need it for hunting. I don’t need it for home protection from a single invader, or even two. So I echo the sentiment of many gun control advocates; Why do I need an assault rifle, with a high capacity clip no less?

    Here is why. I need an assault rifle because I live under the rule of a government who thinks it has the right to take away my assault rifle; a government who dictates who I can marry, what I can eat, drink, and smoke; a government who uses force to take my money away from me, who charges me rent (property tax) to live in my own home: a government who commits acts of war without the consent of the people, who murders it’s own citizens witout probable cause or due process; a government who has monopolized the currency with which I can trade my goods and services, then devalued that currency through inflation and taxation; a government which uses the tyranny of democracy rather than the freedom of a republic.

    To put it bluntly, I need an assault rifle in the event that I might have to declare my independence from a tyrannical government. I’m statistically unlikely to ever shoot an intruder in my home. I’m statistically unlikely to ever be in the position to stop one of these rare mass killings at a school, as these things happen far less often than the media would have you believe. However, whether you are Democrat or Republican, you can easily find countless instances of the government stepping all over your rights, whether it be on social issues (marriage, gay rights, religious rights, etc.) or fiscal issues (taxation, property rights, business regulations, etc.)

    So, how likely is it you will use your assault rifle to prevent a school shooting? Not very likely at all. However, how likely is it that you will need your assault rifle for the purpose of protecting your rights from a tyrannical government? Well, the fact that we are having this conversation not only shows that it is increasingly likely, but it also clearly demonstrates the reason why the right to bear arms is unalienable.

    When a tyrannical government uses it’s assault rifles to take away my rights, it would be beyond immoral to expect me to defend those rights with my grandpa’s shotgun. That is why I need an assault rifle.”

  24. 2012 December 21 5:04 am
    drdog09 permalink


    Bullets ARE the thing. Americans buy more ammo in one three month period than the chinese army does in 9 months according to reports I have seen. But that is only the half of it. If a revolt does come the first stages of it will most likely be a guerilla action. One does not successfully take on a armored vehicle with small arms. But small arms will be used to steal the bigger better weapons over time.

  25. 2012 December 21 5:59 am
    drdog09 permalink

    “On the list of people I can live without: A proctologist with poor depth perception!!”
    — George Carlin


  26. 2012 December 21 6:38 am
    justrand permalink

    drdog: “Mere observation, but I would say that if Boehner is recalling the House back it will be as much to keep the Reps from hearing the torrent of wrath from the voters “

    LOL (you were joking, right?)

    torrent of wrath” the Reps are DEAF & BLIND! They wouldn’t hear a torrent (even if one developed) and couldn’t see a tidal wave of dissent even if one was rolling towards them.

    All that said, the media and the Dem machine are playing the “Fiscal Cliff” stuff like a fiddle! No matter what the Republicans do they are going to be blamed…including if they do everything Obama wants…everything. Because if the Repubs do everything Obama wants then the media AND Obama will simply blame the Repubs for NOT opposing him when everything falls apart, and it will.

    but for now the orchestration of public sentiment is such that there will be NO “torrent of wrath from the voters” …merely a whimper or two

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