This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 12/27/2012 Edition
The Labor Department is really really certain of that number, because they had solid reporting from all
57 50 48 31 States!! Ok, ok…so information from 19 States had to be fabricated estimated. Remember the BLS motto: “Accuracy…meh!”
Still, even if we/they had to “estimate” the AWESOME NEWS…it is still (aproximately) AWESOME NEWS (until it is, um, “revised”). Thus, since only AWESOME NEWS is permitted in the Age of Obama, everything is just peachy…and this is a major success of our “War Against Negative Things” (WANT) campaign.
Despite this awesome
fabrication news, our Comrades in the A/P provide this cautionary note:
Consumers are starting to worry about higher taxes. A measure of consumer confidence fell to a five-month low this month, a survey released Friday found. And reports show the holiday shopping season was the weakest since 2008, when the country was in a deep recession.
We all remember how AWFUL things were in 2008 under the manical George W. Bush! Back then (as the A/P notes) we were in a “deep recession“…and the Unemployment Rate was 7.2% STAGGERINGLY awful! Now, of course, we are NOT in a “deep recession“, and are enjoying an Unemployment Rate of 7.7%. If that seems like a contradiction to you, it is ONLY because you don’t understand the complex economic factors (including air-speed, water-temperature and pollen count, etc) that are involved. Trust us (and the A/P, of course) that it was a “deep recession” then…and everything is JUST FINE now! (i.e., don’t make us have to “explain” it to you in person!)
We do, of course, remain at war with
Eurasia Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia, whom we have always been at war with. In fact, Lord Obama is so concerned with the war against EastAsia that he flew to Hawaii to more closely monitor things! EastAsia Eurasia
This week’s Public Service Announcement
Rumors that SecState Hillary Clinton is “hiding out” to avoid testifying before Congress regarding our “Victory at Benghazi” are just that: rumors! Hillary is EAGER to testify, but has had a series of ailments that have prevented her doing so. These include:
- TWO in-grown toenails (discovered during the toe-jam removal process)
Clearly Hillary needs our prayers!