This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 1/31/2013 Edition – UPDATE: UE Rate 7.9%

2013 January 31
by justrand

MinistryTruthUPDATE: US Gains 157K Jobs, Jobless Rate Rises to 7.9 Pct.

The Ministry of Truth must be in a bad mood, or something.  We thought this might possibly in some small way be bad news…kinda.  Luckily, despite our negative Nancy initial view, our Comrades at the A/P provided this utter bullshit outlook:

The mostly upbeat Labor Department report included one discouraging sign: the unemployment rate rose to 7.9 percent from 7.8 percent in December.

Whew!  Reuters, no slouches themselves at making $hit up in-depth analysis, provided this:

The jobs data should soothe any worries the economy was at risk of recession.

Even if it’s not spectacular, it would be encouraging because it would enable us to further write off the GDP report as not telling us anything useful about what’s happening in the economy,” said John Ryding, chief economist at RDQ Economics in New York.

 Yup, that silly GDP needs to be “further written off” as being just, well, SILLY!  There’s no way the GDP report could tell us anything! And the fact that the economy added fewer jobs than the number of people entering the workforce, and thus MORE people are unemployed…on top of the number of people seeking initial UE benefits going UP by nearly 40,000 in one week…is ALL good news!!!!!!!!!! 

Reuters & A/P…thank you for provided THE TRUTH ™

Now back to Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows!!

*************** end Update **************************

The Labor Department said Thursday that initial claims for unemployment benefits increased 38,000 to a seasonally adjusted 368,000.  Which season?  The season of Despair…or so we thought!  But no, it is the season of JOY…aka: The Age of Obama!  For while we THOUGHT that 38,000 more people being unemployed was bad news…Reuters spun explained it differently!

The number of Americans filing new claims for unemployment benefits bounced off five-year lows last week, pulling them back to levels consistent with modest job growth.

You see?  The number BOUNCED off those pesky lows…and NOW has been pulled”back to levels consistent with modest job growth.”

And you, a member of the great unwashed, thought this was bad news??  That just demonstrates, AGAIN, why you’re not a “leading economist“!

Reuters (bless their hearts) didn’t provide this week’s best cheerleading reporting…though it wasn’t for lack of trying!  Bloomberg worked overtime to win the “Lipstick On The Pig”  “All is AWESOME!” award.  You may recall that yesterday we told you that the Annual GDP was now negative (-.1)…which even WE here at the Ministry thought might possibly be less than fully awesome.  Shame on us!  Here is Bloomberg’s take on the GDP news:

R-Word For U.S. Economy in 2013 is Rebound Not Recession

The “R” word that economists were using after yesterday’s news that U.S. gross domestic product contracted in the fourth quarter was rebound, not recession.” 

Which “economists“??  Probably LEADING economists…so “leading” that Bloomberg didn’t feel we needed to know…or could even understand.  Thank you Bloomberg!

Although we remain at war with Eastasia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia, whom we have always been at war with, this AWESOME news that “unemployment benefits bounced off five-year lows last week, pulling them back to levels consistent with modest job growthhas got us here at the Ministry smiling again!!

This week’s Public Service Announcement

Lord Obama has decided that since the economy is rocking, he is disbanding his “Jobs Council“.  These busy busy bees have met 4, count ’em FOUR, times in the last two years…for a total of about 3 hours.  They are exhausted!!!  I sure hope we paid ’em a bunch!  [just kidding…of course we did!]

Congrats, Jobs Council peeps…you rock!

29 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 31 10:40 am
    bc3b permalink

    The MSM is something else, isn’t it? Joseph Goebbels would be proud.

  2. 2013 January 31 10:58 am
    drdog09 permalink

    JR, you are getting too good at this! Are you buckn’ for Carney’s job as WH Chief Jester?? 😉

  3. 2013 January 31 11:13 am

  4. 2013 January 31 11:13 am
    drdog09 permalink

    I didn’t vote for this guy, but I am reaching the point that I wish I had

    He rips the AWB discussion to shreds.

  5. 2013 January 31 11:18 am
    drdog09 permalink

    And Hagel’s confirmation hearings ain’t going so well either!

  6. 2013 January 31 11:19 am
    bc3b permalink

    drdog09 #4 –

    Right now Ted cruz seems to be the best in the senate. Rubio and Rand Paul are squishes on immigration and neither voted against confirming “Jon Carry” for SOS.

    He’s only in the first inning of his senate career, but Cruz is batting 1.000 so far.

  7. 2013 January 31 11:20 am
    justrand permalink

    Drdog, the Reuters, AP and Bloomberg minions have the inside track! But I keep trying! 🙂

  8. 2013 January 31 12:04 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Ok, now I am a shill for Cruz. Hagel confirmation —

  9. 2013 January 31 2:17 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Final bell, USS Arizona —

  10. 2013 January 31 3:52 pm
    mulletover permalink

    Now I have a better understanding of IP’s odd behavior…..

    Many years ago on a long BOAC flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.

    When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the Navigator and what his responsibilities were.

    She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the Engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.

    She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the Captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the First Officer and asked “Well young man, what is your job?”

    He replied “Ma’am, I am the Captain’s Sexual advisor.”

    Somewhat shocked, she said “I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?”

    “Very simple Ma’am. The Captain has told me that when he wants my fu*king advice, he’ll ask me.”

  11. 2013 January 31 5:42 pm

    The finny one done broke the code.

  12. 2013 January 31 5:50 pm

    Not exactly news but still found it worthy of note.

  13. 2013 January 31 6:11 pm
    mulletover permalink

    If any democrat who voted for obamacare in a red state survives his reelection, something is bad wrong with said election.

    I sense a taxpayer revolt coming.

  14. 2013 January 31 6:19 pm
    mulletover permalink

    Arab-American groups have sharply criticized a Coca-Cola Super Bowl ad depicting an Arab walking through the desert with a camel, and one group said it would ask the beverage giant to change it before CBS airs the game on Sunday before an expected audience of more than 100 million U.S. viewers.

    “Why is it that Arabs are always shown as either oil-rich sheiks, terrorists, or belly dancers?” said Warren David, president of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, or ADC.

    I would opine that Mr. David’s statement is patently false. Arabs are also referred to as suicide bombers and goat escorts.

  15. 2013 January 31 6:56 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Just remember Mullet, you started it …..

    The family of an elderly Arab gentleman have searched everywhere for a nursing home for him. At last they find one – a Jewish home.

    Some days pass, and his son calls to visit. “How is it here?” he asks. “It’s great”, the old man replies. “Do you know, they address everyone here by their title, no matter how long it is since they practised their vocation.

    “There’s a conductor who hasn’t stood in front of an orchestra for 30 years, but they still call him maestro. And a doctor who hasn’t lifted a stethoscope for 20 years, but is still addressed as Doctor Cohen. An academic who retired 25 years ago is still called Professor.”

    “What about you?” the son asks. “It’s the same with me”, replies the old man. “I haven’t had sexual intercourse for 40 years, but they still call me the f*ing Arab.”

  16. 2013 January 31 7:10 pm
    mulletover permalink


  17. 2013 January 31 7:41 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Man, and I thought I spent a lot of aluminium foil on making hats —

  18. 2013 January 31 7:49 pm



  19. 2013 January 31 10:23 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “In the 1920s as now, fashionable opinion could see no major crisis coming. Then as now, the public was assured that the experts at the Fed were smoothing out economic fluctuations and deserved credit for bringing about unprecedented prosperity. And then as now, when the bust came, the free market took the blame for what the Federal Reserve had caused.

    It is fitting that a century of the Federal Reserve should come to an end at a moment of economic crisis and uncertainty, with the central bank’s leadership confused and in disarray after the economy’s failure to respond to unprecedented doses of monetary intervention. The century of the Fed has been a century of depression, recession, inflation, financial bubbles, and unsound banking, and its legacy is the precipice on which our economy now precariously rests.

    Faced with a slow-motion train wreck they feel helpless to stop, people often ask what they can do.

    There are no easy answers, to be sure. But one thing is certain: there will be no progress without the spread of knowledge.”

  20. 2013 January 31 10:27 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “What is attractive about the market economy is not simply what it accomplishes materially: ever-higher standards of living, prosperity for the masses that the most exalted monarchs of yore could scarcely have imagined for themselves, and the ability to support far larger populations than anyone centuries ago could have dreamed. This is all great cause for celebration, to be sure. But what the beautiful order of the market shows is the staggering, near-miraculous achievements of mankind by means of voluntary cooperation, and without state violence or an exalted leader ordering people around.

    Set against this marvelous spectacle, the government-privileged central bank is a grotesque anomaly. To say that we need a politically created monopoly to create money, the commodity that constitutes one-half of every non-barter transaction, is to say that the market economy is not really so impressive or effective after all. If we must conjure a specially privileged monopoly to create this most essential commodity, and if that monopoly is likewise given the task of managing the economy to maximize employment and output, then we are in principle abandoning the whole case for the free market and conceding the value of central planning.

    We do not need any such monopoly, as the work of the Austrian economists makes clear, and we do not need any form of central planning. We need the free market, which is another way of saying we need to let people make their own decisions, enter into the agreements of their choice, and be secure in their private property”

  21. 2013 February 1 6:06 am
    justrand permalink

    Additional update from the MOT:
    Federal Reserve officials said on Wednesday that economic activity had “paused

    In other news, those keeping an eye on the Titanic report that it is STILL “pausing” on the ocean floor…but they expect it to surface and make its way to New York soon.

  22. 2013 February 1 6:20 am

    economic activity had “paused“

    paused~~~Coitus interruptus economicis.

  23. 2013 February 1 6:28 am
    justrand permalink

    Exactly, IP! Wouldn’t want the country to get pregnant! 🙂

  24. 2013 February 1 6:28 am
    drdog09 permalink

    For a liberal there always has to be a reason for an economic pause. Well here it is — Ed Koch, RIP, 88.

  25. 2013 February 1 6:35 am

    A die hard demokrat to the bitter end.

  26. 2013 February 1 6:44 am
    justrand permalink

    speaking of the MOT…
    A HOMICIDE bomber blew himself up and killed two people at the ENTRANCE to the U.S. Embassy in Turkey…actually INSIDE the security checkpoint. How does Yahoo/AP report this??

    Suicide blast near U.S. embassy kills 2

    wait…”near”??? Like two airplanes crashed into buildings NEAR the Twin Towers on 9/11??

    But we mustn’t upset the meme that alQueda is history…and everybody LOVES us now…so the blast was just “near” the Embassy.

  27. 2013 February 1 6:48 am
    mulletover permalink

    “A die hard demokrat to the bitter end.”

    Even when the party leaves them, they don’t change. The left just keeps moving more left. Now extreme.

    Amazing, half the country stays with them to the final destruction.

  28. 2013 February 1 7:45 am

    26 -” What difference, at this point, does it make?”

  29. 2013 February 1 7:52 am

    Just found this funny as it’s so counter to what the masses have been told over the years:
    psa: porn sites 182 times safer then clicking on an ads at a normal site. 😉

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