UPDATE from the Ministry of Truth! – December UE Rate

2013 January 4
by justrand

We are pleased…VERY!…to bring you the December 2012 (AOO 5) UnEmployment report.  The Labor Department reports that the unemployment rate rose from 7.7 stayed at 7.8 percent last month. Rumors that November’s rate was revised higher from an initially reported 7.7 percent are just that: rumors! (most likely spread by Superstorm Sandy on her way out of town)

Our Comrades at the A/P spin note that this reflects: “a steady gain that shows hiring held up during tense fiscal cliff negotiations in Washington.

TENSE fiscal cliff negotiations!!  Frankly we just don’t pay our Congress Critters enough!!

So know that all is well here in AOO 5 (Year 5 of the Age Of Obama)…the economy is stagnant stable at 7.8% FUNemployment!!

Other examples of stability include:

  • the Titanic…which remains at a depth of 12,600 feet, and has NOT sunk any lower thanks to the heroic efforts of Lord Obama
  • the Hindenburg…which is no longer on fire, thanks to the heroic efforts of Lord Obama
  • Godzilla…who no longer threatens Tokyo, thanks to the heroic efforts of Lord Obama

Hail Obama!!

21 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 4 7:05 am
    [1]
    justrand permalink

    Reuters LOVES the stagnant stable Unemployment Rate report…but finds ONE bit of “bad news”. I’ll let them tell you what it is:

    The bad news is that government shed 13,000 jobs in December after a loss of 10,000 the prior month.

    wait…what? Government “shedding jobs” is “bad news“? Only to the Left…only to the Left!

  2. 2013 January 4 8:23 am
    [2]

    Fox News is already cowering down to the President…

    In response to President Obama’s complaint that FOX News doesn’t show enough
    Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced that they will
    now air ”

    America ‘s Most Wanted” TWICE a week.

  3. 2013 January 4 8:26 am
    [3]
    justrand permalink

    Boehner and the virtually every GOP Congress Critter (there are very few exceptions) just DO NOT GET IT.

    Really…they don’t!

    No matter what they do, no matter what they offer, no matter how lap-doggish they act towards the Democrats and Obama…THEY will be blamed for every bad thing. Every—Bad—Thing. Period.

    So, dear GOP Congress Critters…stop trying to not get blamed, and at least act as speed-brakes!

    There’s an old apocryphal story (varied widely) that goes like this…two men tasked with rounding up conscripts for the Imperial army have not accomplished their task in the allotted time, leading to this exchange:

    First man: “What’s the penalty for being late?”
    Second man: “Death.”
    First man: “What’s the penalty for rebellion?”
    Second man: “Death.”
    First man: “I have news for you: we’re already late…so we might as well rebel!”

  4. 2013 January 4 8:40 am
    [4]
    mulletover permalink

    Hugo Chavez is very near stable.

    Perhaps obama can help him along to optimal stability.

  5. 2013 January 4 8:43 am
    [5]

    Sex with older men…..

    When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

    Oprah asked, “Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you?

    You are always working, and at your age I think that is remarkable.”

    George Burns said, “I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.”

    Oprah said, “I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.”

    George said, “Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.”

    Oprah said, “I have never been with an older man. Would you do it with me?”

    So they had sex and when they finished, Oprah said, “I just don’t believe I

    have ever been so satisfied. You are a remarkable man!”

    George said, “The second time is even better than the first time.”

    Oprah asked, “You can really do it again at your age?”

    George said, “Just let me sleep for half an hour.You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.”
    When she woke him up, they had great sex again, and Oprah was beside herself with joy.

    She said, “Oh, Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be even better than the first time. At your age, oh my, oh my!”

    George told her that the third time would be even better.

    “You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me in thirty minutes.”

    Oprah asked, “Does my holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?”

    George replied, “No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet.”

  6. 2013 January 4 8:50 am
    [6]
    TLS permalink

    Great MOT JR. At least we can laugh as we all spiral down the drain.

  7. 2013 January 4 8:58 am
    [7]
    justrand permalink

    Dear TLS,

    We here at the Ministry are pleased that you are pleased. Though we troubled that you are laughing at TRUTH! ™

    Still, perhaps your general mirth is due to the awesomeness that IS the Age Of Obama! Yup, that must be it.

    Truthfully,
    Minion 2669, Gaiety Gauger 3rd Class
    Ministry of Truth, Annex 17

  8. 2013 January 4 9:24 am
    [8]

    3 – They get it, they simply don’t care.

    Another one bites the dust…
    Lincolnton Furniture Company closed abruptly Thursday just one year after it was hailed by President Barack Obama as an example of the recovering U.S. economy.
    http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/01/04/3167317/lincolnton-furniture-company-praised.html

    At this point if I was the owner of company I wouldn’t want the White House to ever mention my company’s name, bad luck. Too bad about the company though, more American made furniture wouldn’t have been a bad thing.

  9. 2013 January 4 9:50 am
    [9]
    JustMary permalink

    So many unhappy Obama voters today. Guess they didn’t realize they were rich until their paycheck arrived! Since Obama only taxes the rich!!!!!

  10. 2013 January 4 10:26 am
    [10]
    drdog09 permalink

    9,

    JM, exactly. Fact some DU low lifes are complaining that the FICA tax went up — http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022125273 — Well DUers welcome to ObamaLand. La,la,la,la.

  11. 2013 January 4 10:34 am
    [11]
    drdog09 permalink

  12. 2013 January 4 10:36 am
    [12]
    justrand permalink

    Dear JustMary,

    unhappy Obama voters”??? A contradiction in terms! All Obamacans (oops…I let the cat out of the bag there) are happy…by definition!

    Further, imagine the joy one of Lord Obama’s serfs citizens will feel when told that they are WEALTHY! Here’s the TV spot we are currently working on to drive home this point (still in draft mode):

    TaxMan Fair Allottment and Redistribution Technician (FART): “Good news, Citizen…you get to pay more in taxes now!”
    Citizen: “Wait, how is this good news? I thought only the wealthy were going to pay more?!?”
    FART: “That’s right…and why it is good news! YOU have been deemed ‘Wealthy’…and thus accorded the privilege of keeping less of what you’ve earned!”
    Citizen: “But, but..I only earn $33,000 a year…does that make me wealthy? “
    FART: “YES! Lord Obama has determined that everyone making more than $30,000 is a Millionaire!! And you make 10% MORE than that…heck, you’re almost a Billionaire!”
    Citizen: “Ohmygod! I gotta tell the wife” [runs back into hovel house, shouting] Honey…we’re RICH!!!”
    FART: “I love my job…spreading happiness and joy on behalf of The Won!” [fade out…]

    What do you think? We’re pretty darn proud of it…just waiting for the final approval and then we’ll get it filmed and on it’s way to YOU and the rest of the Obamacans!!

    Truthfully,
    Minion 42.17/fu
    Propaganda Uplifting Film Production Specialist
    Ministry of Truth, Hollywood Div.

  13. 2013 January 4 10:39 am
    [13]
    drdog09 permalink

    JR,

    That would be an excellent bumper sticker if it weren’t so long. So sadly it is true.

  14. 2013 January 4 11:03 am
    [14]
    JustMary permalink

    #12 All fun and games until someone who makes 29k a year decides it isn’t fair, then Obama has to make them ‘wealthy’ too. Is Obama’s work never done? I’m so glad his latest vacay is costing taxpayers 20mil! He’s earned it, by golly!!!!!

  15. 2013 January 4 11:10 am
    [15]

    10 – The one tax that (baring a total rework of SS) should have gone up, and never been ‘cut’ in the first place.

  16. 2013 January 4 11:38 am
    [16]

    FART: Fair Allottment and Redistribution Technician,~employed by
    CRAP: the Centralized Redistribution Adjustment Politbureau,
    overseeing the imposition of TURD: Terminal Untermenschen
    Recycling Directive.

  17. 2013 January 4 12:31 pm
    [17]
    justrand permalink

    Dear IP,

    We would like to offer you a job here at the Ministry of Truth in our “Special Acronym Development and Implementation Strategies Department” (SADIST).

    Your acronym CRAP has already been embraced by the Re-Distribution group, which used to have the lackluster acronym: ARGUE (American Redistribution Group for Utilitarian Employment). But they were always arguing about it! 🙂 (one of our little jokes here at the Ministry)

    Please let us know if you would like to join us!

    Truthfully,
    Minion 665.9, Overseer Frist Class
    Ministry of Truth

  18. 2013 January 4 1:53 pm
    [18]

    Dear Minion 665.9,
    Overseer Frist Class
    Ministry of Truth

    Flattered at the offer, but ensconsed as I am in the investigation of
    WTFH~(What The F–k Happened)at the last election, my time is being used in planning my GTFOOD (Get The F–k Out Of Dodge)scenario, such that I will be unable accept such an exalted post. Please express my sentiments to the dept of PRIC ~~Permanent Recidivist Investigating Committee, with a cc to the enforcement arm thereof~~PORCEM ~~Politbureau of Reactionary Culmination/Elimination Ministry.

    Yours respectfully,
    IP, deep cover mole

    KMAGYOYO (kiss my ass guys, you’re on your own)

  19. 2013 January 4 2:08 pm
    [19]
    justrand permalink

    “Permanent Recidivist Investigating Committee”…PRIC

    ya know…I’ll just bet Obama already has that Committee operating! 🙂

  20. 2013 January 4 2:09 pm
    [20]

    re: #11 – Thankfully I stocked up on incandescents last year, f-the government.

  21. 2013 January 4 2:48 pm
    [21]

    I have over 100 various watt bulbs,that should last for the duration.
    Roger F the gubmint

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