This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 2/7/2013 Edition

2013 February 7
by justrand

MinistryTruthThe Labor Department said Thursday that initial claims for unemployment benefits dropped by 2,000 5,000 from 368,000 371,000 to a seasonally adjusted 366,000.

Some of you (and WE know who you are!) may THINK you remember when weekly claims consistently above 350,000 was bad news.  First of all, do NOT think or remember…we’ve warned you about that!  WE will tell you what you think…and do all your remembering for you.  Second, it WAS “bad news”…but that was during the Dark Ages, aka: “Bush Presidency”.  We’re now in the Age of Obama…where everything is awesome!

How awesome?  Well, here is the headline and opening bullshit line from our comrades at Reuters:

Jobless Claims Fall, Trend Reading Near Five-Year Low

The number of Americans filing new claims for jobless benefits fell last week and a trend reading hit a near five-year low, pointing to ongoing healing in the labor market.

CNN…usually a reliable source of TRUTH! ™…was uncharacteristically truthful downbeat in their description of today’s AWESOME news: “[Initial claims are]…hovering back in the in the 350,000 to 400,000 range, where they’ve largely been stuck for more than a year.”  Truth Monitors from the Ministry are on their way to CNN headquarters even as I type this, in order to flog speak to those responsible.  We expect CNN to correct their story shortly!

The TRUTH! ™ is that a year ago the weekly number was in the 2 bizzilion range…but then after the evil Mitt Romney was defeated, Lord Obama quickly healed the job market, and it is now back to being AWESOME!

Despite the general gaiety at this splendid spin news, please remember that we remain at war with Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia, whom we have always been at war with.

This week’s Public Service Announcement

Our comrades at Reuters have provided this week’s announcement…as a way of explaining some of the changes in weekly claims in January that some of you thought might possibly be bad news:

“Claims were volatile in January due to the timing of holidays and the dates on which weeks ended”

Weeks have NEVER ended on the dates they did this year…because it’s never BEEN this year before!  Duh!

And those pesky holidays were just not timed properly this year.  Next year ‘New Year’s Day’ will be timed to occur on January 1st…unlike this year when it was, um…SQUIRREL!


22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 February 7 8:12 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Obviously the MoT had their hands in this —

  2. 2013 February 7 8:27 am
    justrand permalink

    Dear drdog,

    Yes…we have our, um, “hand” in lots of places! 🙂

    MOT Minion 1368.9
    Hindsight Department

  3. 2013 February 7 8:39 am
    bc3b permalink

    “Claims were volatile in January due to the timing of holidays and the dates on which weeks ended”

    Days that end in the letter “y” can be a b!tch.

  4. 2013 February 7 9:07 am
    justrand permalink

    Apparently weeks USED TO end on Tuesday, or something…but now Lord Obama has designated FRIDAY as the new end of the week! Of course, this added “volatility” 🙂

  5. 2013 February 7 10:51 am

    Am I really supposed to believe this testimony, I swear just when you think it couldn’t really get worse….it does. ehhh why get worked up over it, I mean what difference does it make? :roll:

  6. 2013 February 7 11:03 am
    justrand permalink

    KH, once upon a time the C-in-C and/or SecState would have been crucified (rightly) by the media for such blatant deriliction of duty…but our treasonous media doesn’t care because they are DEMOCRATS.

    WBF…it really doesn’t matter anymore

  7. 2013 February 7 11:25 am

    “White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters Thursday that the Obama administration will not be releasing any more information about the controversial use of drones to kill American citizen”

    How reassuring to the public.


  8. 2013 February 7 12:02 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #7 FWORD! Cue the crickets from Code Pinkos.

  9. 2013 February 7 12:03 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #4 Thank Allen!

  10. 2013 February 7 12:23 pm
    justrand permalink

    exactly, JM! Ain’t Lord Obama, well…AWESOME?? (no need to answer…it’s sooooooo obvious!)

  11. 2013 February 7 12:28 pm
    JustMary permalink

    He is indeed, and I would know…as I have been basking in his awesomeness for these last few days. I bet y’all thought I was just a busy homeschooling mom….no way…I was making sure to spend extra time in praise of the won!

  12. 2013 February 7 4:02 pm


  13. 2013 February 7 4:30 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    #12 Words fail me….

  14. 2013 February 7 4:30 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “We can see so many memes being propounded here. First of all, there is the intimation that Democrats are more inclusive than Republicans (and less violent since they don’t spank). This is important because Democrats in the US are seen thematically as socialists while Republicans are seen as more free-market oriented. By emphasizing the utility of diversity, the article makes the case that the more successful party is the socialist one.

    And that brings us back to the power elite itself, which is ultimately interested in expanding the power of government. Socialism suits this elite – that evidently and obviously wants to build world government – because it provides more levers of control. The top elites, funded by central banking, utilize government power to reshape the world.

    Without an effective government, the mercantilist tool used by the top elites to consolidate their power and steer the world toward global governance would be of little value. And this is why the powers-that-be are so concerned about failing government in the United States, which is the armory of the globalist conspiracy.

    We can see in this CNN article how different dominant and subdominant social themes are being marshaled. Government DOES work if people of good will are willing to compromise. But in order to compromise, those who are doing the electing need to become less “tribal.””

  15. 2013 February 7 4:41 pm
    gnqanq permalink

    Reported from The last 2 lines says it all.

    Wish this was a little more in depth

    Status of gun industry:

    XXXX XXXX has several important info updates about the status of the gun industry currently, followed by an inventory update. We traveled to Texas for Industry meetings concerning the shortages, here’s what we were told.

    Smith & Wesson-is running at Full capacity making 300+ guns/day-mainly M&P pistols. They are unable to produce any more guns to help with the shortages.

    RUGER: Plans to increase from 75% to 100% in the next 90 days.

    FNH: Moving from 50% production to 75% by Feb 1st and 100% by March.

    Remington-Maxed out!

    Armalite: Maxed out.

    DPMS: Can’t get enough parts to produce any more product.

    COLT: Production runs increasing weekly…bottle necked by Bolt carrier’s.

    LWRC: Making only black guns, running at full capacity…can’t get enough gun quality steel to make barrels.

    Springfield Armory: only Company who can meet demand but are running 30-45 days behind.

    AMMO: Every caliber is now allocated! We are looking at a nationwide shortage of all calibers over the next 9 months. All plants are producing as much ammo as possible with 1 BILLION rounds produced weekly. Most is military followed by law enforcement, and civilians are third in line.

    MAGPUL is behind 1 MILLION mags, do not expect any large quantities of magpul anytime soon.

    RELOADERS… ALL Remington, Winchester, CCI & Federal primers are going to ammo FIRST. There are no extras for reloading purposes… it could be 6-9 months before things get caught up. Sorry for the bleak news, but now we know what to expect in the coming months. Stay tuned, we’ll keep you posted.

    Bow Owens says they did not know when they would be getting anything back in stock, from magazines to rifles to pistols. Manufacturers were running full-bore, but could not come close to keeping up with market demand. It was not just the AR-15s, the AK-pattern rifles, the M1As, and the FALs that were sold out. It really hit me when I realized that the World War-era M1 Garands, M1 carbines, and Enfield .303s were gone, along with every last shell.

    Ubiquitous Mosin-Nagants — of which every gun store always seems to have 10-20 — were gone. So was their ammo. Only a dust free space marked their passing. I have never seen anything like it. Every weapon of military utility designed within the past 100+ years was gone. This is not a society stocking up on certain guns because they fear they may be banned. This is a society preparing for war.

  16. 2013 February 7 4:51 pm
    Wylie E. Coyote permalink

    “I believe that liberty is the only genuinely valuable thing that men have invented, at least in the field of government, in a thousand years. I believe that it is better to be free than to be not free, even when the former is dangerous and the latter safe. I believe that the finest qualities of man can flourish only in free air – that progress made under the shadow of the policeman’s club is false progress, and of no permanent value. I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave” — H. L. Mencken, 1927

  17. 2013 February 7 5:49 pm
    drdog09 permalink



  18. 2013 February 7 5:56 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #15 WOW. Certainly, our government is preparing for war, or they would not have ordered another 20mil rounds of hollow points. I guess folks just want to be on the level. This country is downright shameful anymore. Our Founding Fathers must be spinning in their graves. Oh, and btw, The Twelfth Imam was/is free on Amazon/iBooks/Nook as of yesterday. Timely read, to be sure. I read it and thought it was awfully clever timing for its free release with the headlines on Drudge yesterday/today.

  19. 2013 February 7 6:08 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    The last line of defense for the Euro is disappearing — — When one sees France and German economies on the ropes, Brussels is in trouble.

  20. 2013 February 7 6:29 pm
    mulletover permalink

    John Hinderaker at Powerline believes Hagel is finished. Something about funding from “Friends of Hamas”……Hmmm.

  21. 2013 February 7 6:44 pm
    justrand permalink

    wow is right, gnqanq…WOW: “This is not a society stocking up on certain guns because they fear they may be banned. This is a society preparing for war.”

    You would think the Obama Regime would read those tea leaves…then again, maybe it truly IS war that they want.

    Don’t fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.
    – Captain Parker at the battle of Lexington, 1775


  22. 2013 February 8 5:55 am
    justrand permalink

    second look at Lindsey Graham?

    Graham may be useless in many regards, but he DOES know how to question a witness, and he truly shreds Panetta and Obama in the exchange at the link.

    Read the transcript at the bottom if you can’t stand listening to Panetta. Panetta channels Willey Nelson as best he can: “But you were always on my mind…” -or rather: “Benghazi was always on his mind…”

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