This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – 2/7/2013 Edition
Some of you (and WE know who you are!) may THINK you remember when weekly claims consistently above 350,000 was bad news. First of all, do NOT think or remember…we’ve warned you about that! WE will tell you what you think…and do all your remembering for you. Second, it WAS “bad news”…but that was during the Dark Ages, aka: “Bush Presidency”. We’re now in the Age of Obama…where everything is awesome!
How awesome? Well, here is the headline and opening
bullshit line from our comrades at Reuters:
Jobless Claims Fall, Trend Reading Near Five-Year Low
The number of Americans filing new claims for jobless benefits fell last week and a trend reading hit a near five-year low, pointing to ongoing healing in the labor market.
CNN…usually a reliable source of TRUTH! ™…was uncharacteristically
truthful downbeat in their description of today’s AWESOME news: “[Initial claims are]…hovering back in the in the 350,000 to 400,000 range, where they’ve largely been stuck for more than a year.” Truth Monitors from the Ministry are on their way to CNN headquarters even as I type this, in order to flog speak to those responsible. We expect CNN to correct their story shortly!
The TRUTH! ™ is that a year ago the weekly number was in the 2 bizzilion range…but then after the evil Mitt Romney was defeated, Lord Obama quickly healed the job market, and it is now back to being AWESOME!
Despite the general gaiety at this splendid
spin news, please remember that we remain at war with Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia, whom we have always been at war with.
This week’s Public Service Announcement
Our comrades at Reuters have provided this week’s announcement…as a way of explaining some of the changes in weekly claims in January that some of you thought might possibly be bad news:
“Claims were volatile in January due to the timing of holidays and the dates on which weeks ended”
Weeks have NEVER ended on the dates they did this year…because it’s never BEEN this year before! Duh!
And those pesky holidays were just not timed properly this year. Next year ‘New Year’s Day’ will be timed to occur on January 1st…unlike this year when it was, um…SQUIRREL!