This just in from the Ministry of Truth! – August 2014 Unemployment Edition

2014 September 5
by justrand

The Ministry of Making Shit Up  Managing Statistical Uniformity (MSU) today announced that the Unemployment Rate for the month of August FELL to 6.1%.  Huzzah…right?

Sadly, 64,000 worker-bee wannabes missed this news because they had “quit looking for work”.  This led our beloved government no choice but to lower the Labor Participation Rate once again to a historic low of 62.8.

Immediately some nay-sayers (and WE know who you are) tried to label the declining workforce and anemic number of jobs added as “Bad News“.  This despite “Bad News” having been officially banned in the Age of Obama.

CNBC quickly rallied to the defense of TRUTH! with an article titled (we are NOT kidding):  “Don’t believe weak August jobs data: Economists”   Even the MoT was taken aback utter bullshit bold approach!

restingThe NY Times added their nonsense explanation: “This looks like a breather, rather than a fundamental downshift.”   Apparently the national employment situation was TIRED…and needed a “breather“.

So please be respectful of the resting Jobs Market while it takes its well deserved Summer nap!  Shhhhh!

Something that never sleeps, of course, is the aggression of Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia, whom we have always been at war with.

This Month’s Public Service Announcement

Citizens are “reminded” that ISIS has been downgraded from:

An Apocalyptic threat beyond anything we’ve seen” (August 22, 2014), to:

an “immediate threat to the U.S. and its allies domestically” (August 24, 2014), to:

not a direct threat to US” (August 25, 2014), to:

a manageable problem” (September 2, 2014)

Whew!  From END OF DAYS (“An Apocalyptic threat beyond anything we’ve seen“) to a DRIPPY FAUCET (“a manageable problem“) in just over a week!   And we didn’t even DO anything!  Such is the awesomeness of Lord Obama.  Praise Allen!

[Update:] And where are the jobs that are left?? Why in temp agencies — — 53m of them.

33 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 September 5 7:22 am
    justrand permalink

    p.s. the MoT has been on hiatus (but NOT playing golf!)

    but we are back! 🙂

  2. 2014 September 5 8:10 am
    bc3b permalink

    Minion, it’s great to see you’ve returned sl we can get the TRUTH. Even the traitorous ba$tards at Reuters have turned on Lord Obama:

  3. 2014 September 5 8:36 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Aaaaah but the known but never announced revisions from last quarter’s results have not been tabulated. Might never be either. If they do, that 4% 2Q might end up at -.5 to +.5 GDP. Which of course would signal a recession, again.

    I am not aware of a country lying to itself with much such success.

    Bags are packed, waiting at the curb. 🙂

  4. 2014 September 5 8:40 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Too bad he’s a Brit. — — I would vote for Farage in a heartbeat if he was running for President.

  5. 2014 September 5 8:41 am
    justrand permalink

    Dear bc3b,

    Thank you for pointing that out to us…we took immediate action and dispatched our goon squad representatives to threaten meet with our Comrades at Reuters.

    They insist it was a “typo”, and the headline you saw: “U.S. job growth brakes to eight-month low, labor force shrinks” SHOULD have read:
    U.S. job growth returns to 8 months ago awesomeness…as labor force takes a breather”

    Minion 1369, Leg-Breaker Trainee 4th Class
    Party Line Enforcement Message Clarity Division
    MoT Cesspool 12

  6. 2014 September 5 8:43 am
    justrand permalink

    drdog: “Bags are packed, waiting at the curb.”

    Excellent!! We’re sending a drone to, um, “escort” you! 🙂

  7. 2014 September 5 8:56 am
    drdog09 permalink

    Scum of the earth Jihadi takes dirt nap — — Compliments of USAF and Spec Ops.

  8. 2014 September 5 9:21 am
    JustMary permalink

    I am SO relieved ISIS is a manageable thing now!!! Currently, my hair is unmanageable and generally misbehaving, so I will use some extra strength conditioner on it. I may have to consult lord Obama to find out what brand they started using on ISIS, so that my hair will once again be manageable. Nothing but solutions in the age of Obama!!!!

  9. 2014 September 5 9:21 am
    bc3b permalink

    Just a reminder that BJG college picks are due at 7 PM Eastern Time tonight. If you didn’t participate last week, you still can participate by accepting the worst record for Week 1 and sending your picks for Week 2 using the game list and email address below. NOTE: Illegal Aliens will be given the best record for Week 1 in accordance with an Executive Order that was just received from the White House.

    Here are this week’s college games due 7 PM Eastern Time Friday.

    Pittsburgh @ Boston College
    Buffalo @ Army
    Missouri @ Toledo
    Central Michigan @ Purdue
    SMU @ North Texas

    Navy @ Temple
    USC @ Stanford
    Northern Illinois @ Northwestern
    Michigan @ Notre Dame
    BYU @ Texas

    Air Force @ Wyoming
    Southern Alabama @ Kent State
    Michigan State @ Oregon
    New Mexico State @ Georgia State
    Washington State @ Nevada

    RP – If you are lurking, please send your current email address to

  10. 2014 September 5 9:31 am

    8 – Potus is now saying (NATO Summit remarks 15m ago) they’re not a manageable threat, but a containable one, but yet not a containable one in the next breath, so we much work together to beat them back. If you can figure out wtf that means let me know. 😉

  11. 2014 September 5 9:39 am
    JustMary permalink

    Humidity can affect manageability (and thus containment) from one moment to the next. Has there been a threat of rain in the region recently? I know I tend to get pretty cranky when my hair is uncontained, but as of right now I am containing and kinda managing not to cut anyone’s head off. This is how I know lord Obama’s real secret for ISIS is conditioner (and perhaps some mousse, I can’t be sure).

  12. 2014 September 5 9:45 am

    Oh I forgot too a question was asked about immigration and his anwser was I’ll do everything in my power to work around congress and let the invasion via the southern border continue, because you know there is zero threat there.

    BTW On topic – U3 is a joke stat clearly highlighted by the 62.8%LPR and 92mil+ unemployed.

  13. 2014 September 5 10:01 am
    JustMary permalink

    #11 I am really not sure what kind of threat there is in a bunch of toddlers and elementary school aged kids crossing the border (because that’s all there is). WHY DO YOU HATE CHILDREN????

  14. 2014 September 5 10:05 am
    drdog09 permalink

    I hear they have 40yos enrolled in NYC. I amazes me they can sit in those little desks in the 4th grade….

  15. 2014 September 5 10:07 am

    13 – Cause they’re small! I’m a height’ist

  16. 2014 September 5 10:07 am
    drdog09 permalink

    11, You do realize that ISIS will be changing the job classification for barbers and beauticians? They will of course have to take a continuing education credit for beheadings 101. Puts an interest twist on the term `permanent` for the hair trade.

  17. 2014 September 5 11:15 am
    bc3b permalink

    Anyone have RP’s new email address?

  18. 2014 September 5 11:45 am
    bc3b permalink

    drdog09 –

    Why is it I can log into with Internet Explorer but I get a message saying “There was a problem accessing this resource, please make sure you are logged in to the portal” when I use Google Chrome? I get to the website fine; it just won’t let me access emails with Google Chrome.

  19. 2014 September 5 12:25 pm

  20. 2014 September 5 12:26 pm


    Your basic shit sandwich

  21. 2014 September 5 12:28 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #17 I sent him a message on FB asking for it, so I will let you know.

  22. 2014 September 5 12:29 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #15 Some of them are as tall as your average adult! 😉

  23. 2014 September 5 12:31 pm
    drdog09 permalink


    Is Shapton reaching in Holder’s wallet or his schlong???

  24. 2014 September 5 12:48 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Some of your favorite cheeses may disappear from shelves — — Compliments of FDA fetishes.

    Look if I want to drink poison that is my right. And if I am that stupid then I deserve to be taken out of the gene pool. But I will eat what I want by God, even if I have to be a smuggler.

  25. 2014 September 5 2:14 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Thamks drdog09

  26. 2014 September 5 2:52 pm
    drdog09 permalink

    Second look at Perdue — — Attempting to do the right thing? If they pull it off, I’ll be looking for their offerings.

  27. 2014 September 5 3:05 pm
    drdog09 permalink

  28. 2014 September 5 3:08 pm
    bc3b permalink

    Record Number of Foreign Born Hold Jobs in U.S.

    It’s not just jobs being outsourced, but workers being insouced,

  29. 2014 September 5 3:17 pm
    JustMary permalink

    I sent you a message bc3b.

  30. 2014 September 5 3:19 pm
    JustMary permalink

    #25 Everything they don’t like, they ban…everything they do like, they require.

  31. 2014 September 5 4:00 pm
    bc3b permalink

    JM –

    Where did you send it? I don’t have any email from you in my cperformancegroup or bjgfootball from you.

    The correct football address is the .net suffix is the one I log on with. My mistake. I only use wowway email for bjg football and I am becoming very frustrated with it.

  32. 2014 September 5 4:14 pm
    JustMary permalink

    I sent it to your facebook account.

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