This Just in from The Ministry of Truth!

2019 May 1
by justrand

It has come to the attention of the Ministry of Truth, that some of you (yes, you ARE known!) were happy that Putin’s hand-picked puppet, Donald J. Trump, skipped the annual celebration of Deep State approved Groupthink known as the “White House Correspondents’ Association dinner’.

Reminder: The Ministry of Truth will TELL you when to be happy…and what to be happy about!

Not only did (alleged) President Trump not show up, he didn’t even send any of his fellow Muscovites to be flogged in his stead, as Sarah Sanders was last year! And he has CONTINUED to tell HIS side of various stories and issues, which is further proof that he is undermining the often overlooked section of the 1st Amendment that reads: 

“There shall be NO restrictions on the press making shit up, and you’re no allowed to criticize it!”

Citing that section of the 1st Amendment, Ron Chernow (someone who wrote something or other) lamented thusly to the well-lubricated mob on Saturday night:
This is a glorious tradition. You folks are a part of it, and we can’t have politicians trampling on it with impunity!

The White House later asked for clarification as to whether the “making shit up” section of the 1st Amendment could be trampled WITHOUT impunity. No word yet on the response.

We here at the Ministry of Truth have spent an awful lot of time & effort over the last two years making shit up, and we don’t want it trampled with OR without impunity!!

For instance, the “evidence” we fabricated produced showing that the Russians secretly cut Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania out of Hillary’s maps of the United States…thus explaining why she never showed up in those States…never even made it to the Mueller Report.

And “President” Trump trampled some of our other made up crap before the ink was even dry on it…which doesn’t seem fair at all!  Clearly this is IMPEACHABLE!!

Some of the other impeachable offenses of Tsar Donald include:

  • Quoting Congresswoman Ilhan Omar (D-Somalia) verbatim!! We here at the Ministry of Truth had already spent considerable energy explaining what she MEANT to say. Thus his verbatim quote was clearly HATE SPEECH!
  • DARING to correct us when we, um, “accidentally” twisted his comment about illegal alien members of MS-13 being animals into him declaring “ALL immigrants are animals”. Hey, so made a slight mistake.
  • Obstruction of Justice!! Ah, here we have him. Trump ordered all of his people to testify for Mueller fully, he produced every document Mueller requested, never invoked ‘Executive Privilege’, and never fired or interfered with Mueller or any of his staff. CLEARLY “Obstruction of Justice”.

The list of crimes goes on and on!

We’re going to be busy here at the Ministry of Truth over the next 18 months…so bear with us. The easily duped (aka: “Democrats”) are no problem, of course. It’s those damn Deplorables who seem to have lost confidence in us! Once we re-install a Democrat in the White House we can ENFORCE “confidence”…but until then we’re going to have to rely on the stalwart reporting from CNN, MSNBC and the NY Times to spread the word on things like rampaging Catholic boys taking over Washington D.C., caged children on the border, and the clock ticking down on the last 12 years of life on planet Earth.

Spreading the TRUTH is a full time job! Truth like this: we have ALWAYS been at war with Eurasia EastAsia Eurasia EastAsia!

This week’s Public Service Announcement

Dog owners: please be aware that just because YOU can poop with impunity (that word again) anywhere you like in San Francisco (streets, parks, sidewalks, etc), your DOG cannot! There is a $320 fine if your dog poops and you don’t pick it up…and since the police have nothing else to do, they WILL enforce this!

The good news is that if don’t have any doggy-poop bags you can steal up to $950 worth of them, again with impunity, since crimes up to that amount aren’t prosecuted there either!

Sadly, the stingy Dallas District Attorney has declared can only steal up to $750 worth of someone’s stuff there before you are prosecuted…and if caught you have to declare that you really needed it. Geesh, talk about Authoritarian Rule!

16 Responses leave one →
  1. 2019 May 1 9:54 am
    [1]
    bc3b permalink

    Trump has skipped the dinner three years running to attend rallies: Year 1: Pennsylvania; Year 2: Michigan and Year 3: Wisconsin. Irony!!!

  2. 2019 May 1 10:00 am
    [2]
    bc3b permalink

    Minion –

    Here’s a woman you can admire: bragged in tweets about shouting “prick” at a man wearing a MAGA hat at a jazz concert and talked about how “hateful” he is.

    https://godfatherpolitics.com/after-attacking-man-in-maga-hat-journalist-gets-earful/

  3. 2019 May 1 10:00 am
    [3]
    justrand permalink

    Dear bc3b,

    Given the current field of Democrat Presidential hopefuls, “Irony” has been outlawed. As you may not have received the memo yet (since we haven’t written it), you will be excused…THIS time!

    Truthfully,
    Minion (Apprentice) 123F.2
    Grade 4 Misdemeanor Enforcement
    Sub-basement 6

  4. 2019 May 1 10:10 am
    [4]
    bc3b permalink

    In other news, Hunter Biden, Joe’s certified POS son, split from his late brother’s widow, whom he dumped his first wife for:

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6978939/Hunter-Biden-splits-brother-Beaus-widow-Hallie-two-years-together.html

    From everything I have read, Beau Biden was a very decent man and Hunter Biden is an absolute POS.

  5. 2019 May 1 10:17 am
    [5]
    bc3b permalink

    Minion –

    You need to draft a memo to the people of Dallas, reminding them that if there are 7 stores in a block, they can steal $749 from each – $5,243 for 10 minutes of time is pretty good “walking around money.”

  6. 2019 May 1 10:20 am
    [6]
    bc3b permalink

    “For instance, the “evidence” we fabricated produced showing that the Russians secretly cut Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania out of Hillary’s maps of the United States…thus explaining why she never showed up in those States…never even made it to the Mueller Report.”

    The official line is “the Russians jammed Hillary’s campaign plane’s radar.” One of the Russian beluga whales was the mastermind behind it.

    https://www.newson6.com/story/40388892/russian-trained-whales-may-be-harassing-norwegian-fishermen

  7. 2019 May 1 10:21 am
    [7]
    drdog09 permalink

    5,

    Oh boy do we deserve that cut. It/was an insane statement in a position that such utterances are career ending.

  8. 2019 May 1 10:24 am
    [8]
    drdog09 permalink

    The Press is so clueless. They were all slapping themselves on the back for the great job they did at the release of the Mueller report. Yet fully unaware that they were played for patsies by the Brennan and Clapper Deep State tag team duo.

  9. 2019 May 1 10:35 am
    [9]
    drdog09 permalink

  10. 2019 May 1 10:50 am
    [10]
    justrand permalink

    “Alternative currency plans”…like Monopoly money? 🙂

  11. 2019 May 1 11:33 am
    [11]
    drdog09 permalink

    10,

    Uh, no, that is what we are using now…. 🙂

  12. 2019 May 1 3:09 pm
    [13]
    gnqanq permalink

    drdog – saw #9 this morning and thought of you. Great minds must think alike.

    Gives a good idea how close we are to the collapse.

  13. 2019 May 1 3:14 pm
    [14]
    JimNorCal permalink

    Apparently 72% of Dems see illegal immigration and migrant columns as a problem.

    https://donsurber.blogspot.com/2019/05/its-invasion-stupid.html?m=1
    President Donald John Trump stood up for us. He was for the wall when being for the wall wasn’t cool.
    Now the wall is cool because Americans finally see the invasion.
    Good luck in 2020, Democrats.
    And by good luck, I mean go away and take the Chamber of Commerce with you.

  14. 2019 May 1 3:23 pm
    [15]
    bc3b permalink

    JimNorCal –

    President Donald John Trump stood up for us. He was for the wall when being for the wall wasn’t cool.

    Yeah, well Bernie Sanders was a commie when being a commie wasn’t cool. Top that!

  15. 2019 May 1 6:47 pm
    [16]
    JimNorCal permalink

    Well, that’s Surber not me 🙂
    But you’re right Bernie’s got cred

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